


Time can never break your heart but it'll take the pain away

by pseudofoucault333



Series: Fei writes for Tumblr [16]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Lily, BAMF Simon Lewis, Betrayal, Blood Drinking, Blood Kink, Blood Loss, Blood Magic, Bloodlust, Bonding, Book Spoilers, Catholic Character, Claiming Bites, Clan Leader Raphael, Clary Fray is a Bad Friend, Concerned Simon, Developing Relationship, Drunk Raphael, F/M, First Kiss, Hurt Magnus Bane, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Initiation Rituals, Insecure Magnus Bane, Insecure Raphael Santiago, Jealous Raphael, Lily Chen & Simon Lewis Friendship, M/M, Magnus Bane & Luke Garroway Friendship, Magnus Bane & Simon Lewis Friendship, Manipulative Camille, Mating Bites, Mating Rituals, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Nervous Alec, Past Magnus Bane/Camille Belcourt, Past Relationship(s), Post-Betrayal, Prayer, Protective Magnus, Protective Raphael, Protective Simon, Raphael's History, Rituals, Shadowhunters Big Bang, Simon does yoga, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Starvation, Supernatural Bonds, Supportive Magnus Bane, The Bane Chronicles: Saving Raphael Santiago, Triggers, Vampire Bites, Vampire Raphael, Vampire Simon, Vampire Turning, injured Raphael, vampire mates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-23 16:49:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 61,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7471533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudofoucault333/pseuds/pseudofoucault333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Since Raphael lost his last Fledgling Theo from the clan he’d been trying to keep himself from getting attached to anyone, but when Camille breaks the accords again by draining the Mundane friend of a Shadowhunter things get complicated. He finds himself enamoured with the new Fledgling when he helps to bring him back, trying to keep his distance while looking out for him while Simon fights his destiny as a Vampire with the clan. But once Raphael is instated as the new clan leader after overthrowing Camille and the Fledgling agrees to swear his allegiance to the clan with it comes the binding between a leader and Fledgling that makes it difficult to keep his feelings into check. With the forced closeness between them, will they succumb to their feelings that transcend vampiric hierarchy and Shadowhunter/Downworlder tensions or will Simon’s allegiance to a certain redhead be destined to ruin everything between them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. But it's my destiny to be the king of pain.

**Title:** Time can never break your heart but it'll take the pain away  
**Author:** pseudofoucault333 // Redtintedhale  
**Rating:** M  
**Pairing:** Raphael/Simon, Raphael/OMC, Magnus/Alec, Lily/Elliot  
**POV:** 3rd  
**Summary:** Since Raphael lost his last Fledgling Theo from the clan he’d been trying to keep himself from getting attached to anyone, but when Camille breaks the accords again by draining the Mundane friend of a Shadowhunter things get complicated. He finds himself enamoured with the new Fledgling when he helps to bring him back, trying to keep his distance while looking out for him while Simon fights his destiny as a Vampire with the clan. But once Raphael is instated as the new clan leader after overthrowing Camille and the Fledgling agrees to swear his allegiance to the clan with it comes the binding between a leader and Fledgling that makes it difficult to keep his feelings into check. With the forced closeness between them, will they succumb to their feelings that transcend vampiric hierarchy and Shadowhunter/Downworlder tensions or will Simon’s allegiance to a certain redhead be destined to ruin everything between them?  
**Disclaimer:** The whole concept of Shadowhunters © the satan that is CC, don’t sue because the contents of my bank account is only worth next to nothing in US$. Also and I can't stress this enough I don't give permission for this or any other of my stuff to be reposted on Goodreads or anywhere else. If I find out it is I'll be pissed. Plot mostly based on fiction…i.e not real….but a girl can wish <3 title © Panic at the disco.  
**Author Notes:** Firstly I'm gonna be posting it in chapters...like once a day for the rest of the week because a 60k fic in one go it a bit much I think. Secondly there are so many people to thank for helping me out with this fic! Like you don't even know!. Firstly my amazing Artist Sylivia who was amazingly patient with me juggling projects and has done some amazing artwork for me, see that [ here!](http://keladri.tumblr.com/post/147313173791/my-second-shadowhunters-big-bang-illustration) Secondly the awesomeness of [Diane](diane7elizabeth.tumblr.com) who translated the spanish for me and made this so much better, seriously she is amazing!! And finally but lastly my beta, my savour and friend all rolled into one [Sam](pepperthephoenix.tumblr.com) who stepped into look this over without even knowing anything about this fandom! Here's hoping you guys love this as much as they do :D Kudos and CONCRIT = pwp and cookies :D

It wasn’t exactly common for him to leave the Hotel Dumort during the night on any given day, more because there was always the constant need for him to keep an eye on the clan whether they were on their way out or back before sunset. Even more so while Camille was flitting around as many Downworlder and sometimes Mundane clubs as possible, luring the unwilling and often willing Mundanes into her bed.

She had never exactly been the most temperamental of clan leaders but her reputation of what she did to those that betrayed her was often enough to demand respect from the vampires passing through and instil fear into those who dared to try and challenge her for the role of leader. Raphael rarely left the hotel willingly but he made an exception for that night. The hotel held too many reminder of what it was that he had lost at Camille’s hand and how it was that he was left behind to ensure the constant pain of loss.

This specific night was always the one where he wished more than ever that Magnus hadn’t got to him in time or been called by his mother in an attempt to ‘save’ him. That the warlock had let him die in a cloud of ash that day, not long after he’d been turned, and killed both his friends and sire. The thought of how much of monster he was, was why he had propelled him into the sunlight despite the consequences. 

If Magnus had, he wouldn’t have to endure the constant pain that sat in his chest, which flowed through his veins every year at this date. At the fact that what he’d lost had him pacing around the city, making his way from East Harlem to Brooklyn often so deep in his thoughts that it wouldn’t be long before he was stood outside Magnus’ apartment building. 

It wasn’t uncommon for the Warlock to be inside waiting for him, almost as if he had long since marked the date on the calendar in his mind to remind himself to be home in case he needed him. 

The first few years after his loss, he’d made sure to get drunk on blood and alcoholic concoctions destined to make him sick in the morning, just wanting to get out of his head, make his dead heart stop hurting and distract his attention from the pain until one night when he’d made the mistake of going to Pandemonium. The warlock had spotted him as he was trying to get the bartender to give him another bloody Ambos Mundos after he’d been cut off while flirting with a Seelie.

“ _Dios_ , come on!! I’m not drunk! I’d know if I were drunk!” He’d slurred, leaning over the bar in an attempt to grab the bottles himself to convince the Bartender to change his mind, though the Werewolf on the other side gave him a wary look and wide berth as he moved to the other end of the bar, pulling a string of Spanish curses from his lips.

“Raphael, darling what are you doing here?” The sound of Magnus’ voice causing him to sag against the bar as he looked over his shoulder to meet the High Warlock’s gaze, his real eyes filled with concern and uncertainty as he moved towards him.

“Magnus tell this _idiota_ I’m not cut off!” Raphael murmured, his old friend sighing as he wove past a couple of Werewolves heckling a fellow Vampire, resting a hand on his back.

“I think you’ve had enough for tonight darling. Your body won’t thank you for it in the morning, why don’t you come to mine for some plain O positive before going back to the hotel?” Magnus said in his ear so he could be heard over the music the volume of which seemed to have increased when the bass dropped, the Warlock steering him way from the bar while he was distracted towards the exit.

“What? No, I can’t go back!”

“I know Camille isn’t exactly your best friend on any given day, Raphael, but I’m sure the others will be looking for you and worry if you aren’t there when the sun is about to rise.” Magnus said, flashing the odd smile at anyone who called out to him.

“No I don’t…I can’t…” Raphael spluttered drunkenly, his distress more than obvious to the Warlock who frowned but nodded as he rested an arm around the small of his back for support.

“Ok, you can come stay in my spare room then, come on _Cariño_ …” Magnus said soothingly, the sound of his mother tongue from the warlock’s mouth helping to sway him as he let himself be led down the alley towards a waiting portal the Warlock had drawn while he was distracted.

Since then he’d been coming to Magnus’ for Vodka tainted blood and crappy reality shows, the Warlock never asking him to talk about it after knowing him as long as he had. Yet he didn’t doubt for a second that he would be a willing sympathetic ear if he ever needed one. Instead he filled the conversation with complaints about vampire affairs and the accords making sure to avoid talking about Camille. The history between the Warlock and his leader shared almost as much pain as he felt, even the mention of her name often had the Warlock grimacing behind the cocktail he was drinking.

But one year when Camille was leading a party of cocaine tainted Mundanes for some visiting Vampires from LA and Vegas, Raphael had snuck away after making sure Lily and Stan kept an eye on things and call him if they got out of hand. Which knowing Camille as well as he did it probably would at some point. 

That night he sat in Magnus’ loft holding a bloody martini with his gaze resting over the New York skyline as the Warlock cleaned up after a few lotions and potions he’d been making for clients while waiting for him to come over. Usually it was something he’d do with a click of his fingers but since it was the day it was he knew the warlock was giving him the chance to have some time alone to think.

“Raphael, you need a top up?” Magnus asked from behind him, the sounds of bottles and glasses clicking causing him to down a mouthful of the blood tinged gin and Vermouth as he looked at his friend while sitting on the burgundy couch that sat by the windows.

“No, I’m fine at the moment.” He murmured, the martini glass resting between his index and middle fingers listlessly like a wrong move would cause it to smash on the floor.

Magnus continued to chatter as he finished making a brightly coloured alcoholic monstrosity before moving to sit beside him as he turned on a rerun of Project Runway, sipping his drink every so often while Raphael mostly ignored his own.

The only noise between them now coming from the TV but the burden of the night failed to lessen like he hoped. Instead it felt like a tonne of bricks crushing his shoulders, getting heavier and heavier every year that he didn’t say a word. A weight that he knew wouldn’t ever fade no matter how much he drank or stayed away from the Hotel Dumort.

He didn’t even realise that the emotions were overflowing until he heard Magnus murmur his name and brush his thumb against his cheek, the tanned skin coming away bloody with his tears that seemed be falling stickily down his ashen skin.

“Raphael…Cariño , please tell me what’s troubling you. You have my word that I won’t tell another soul living or dead if that’s what you wish.” 

The silent tears gave way to a gruff sob that had Magnus looking pained at the sound as he pulled him into a hug, prying Raphael’s glass from his fingers and setting it on the coffee table. The vampire had never been much of a hugger since he’d been Turned but he’d long since got used to Magnus’ need to comfort people with touch and at that moment it was welcome as he clutched at his friend like a lifeline.

“His name was Theo….one of Camille’s play things turned Fledgling. She only turned him because she thought he could entertain her more as vampire than a Mundane. He didn’t deserve his life to be ended that way…he was too pure…didn’t deserve the attention Camille gave him. I had just come to the clan after making my way up the east coast from Mexico at the time, I knew I needed to join or be shunned or, worse still, killed by Shadowhunters. But I never imagined what joining would entail…though knowing her reputation I can hardly say I was surprised.” He choked out a sob as Magnus brushed a hand up and down his back soothingly.

“The two of us were both new, both used by her to make a point of how much power she held over all us as our leader. But Theo…He’d get the brunt of the worst of it. The closer we got, the worse it got. Camille punishing me for…I don’t even know what but it didn’t stop us…”

_“Theo we need to get you out of here before she goes too far…” he said, offering the Fledgling a pint glass of A negative, the other’s favourite, as they sat in his room._

_Theo was sat beside him shirtless, the marks Camille had made to show she owned him as a possession covering his neck and chest. He looked so despondent, the lack of blood in his system seeming to affect him as he let Raphael feed him the glass, his grey eyes glazed over and his lips covered in the fresh blood causing his fangs to fall. Yet he’d never looked so perfect to Raphael until that moment, his affection for the Fledgling overwhelming him as his tongue lazily grazed his lips to catch the remaining drops, his head tilting back and eyes closed as the blood spread through his system, only then did he speak._

_“You know as well as I do that I can’t Rapha. Wherever I go she’ll find me and there’s nowhere else I want to be than here with you anyway. It would be a pointless exercise, I can handle it.” Theo sighed, his eyes opening again as he lounged back on his bed, the bright spark back inside them that seemed to ignite something in Raphael’s dead unbeating heart after so long._

_“You shouldn’t stay around just because of me. You should be free, be safe away from her. Please Theo…Mi amor…” He pleaded, his thumb brushing Theo’s bruised Cheek._

_“No…”Theo whispered, his gaze flickering to Raphael’s lips hopefully and back to his eyes questioningly, waiting for him to give him the go ahead._

_Raphael swallowed as he closed the gap between them and met his lips in a hard consuming kiss, the Fledgling’s nails clawing at the back of his neck as he pulled the elder vampire down on top of him._

“…I told him so many times to leave Magnus, I knew Camille was never going to let us be happy together…you know how she can be. He deserved any opportunity to be happy even if it was without me, no matter how much pain it would cause. But he refused…the deeper things became between us the more I was selfishly glad each time he saw no. But one night was worse than any other…”

_Raphael was trying to heal the mark Camille had left on his neck over the mark Theo had left by downing a glass of blood, clearly her way of trying to stake her claim and remind him who he belonged to when he heard a knock at the door._

_“Come…” He called, covering the mark with the collar of his silk shirt as the door opened._

_Theo appeared looking worse for wear than normal which immediately broke Raphael’s heart, closing the door behind him as Raphael got up to pull him into a hug causing his lover to hiss in pain._

_“Theo…oh god are you ok?” He asked, pressing a kiss to his lips as he guided him back towards his bed. Theo’s movements were stiff as he sat on the edge of the bed, his eyes filled with pain and one arm cradling his ribs as he looked imploringly at him like he knew Raphael had all the answers._

_“We need to leave Raphael…” he murmured so softly that for one moment the elder vampire was sure he’d imagined the words._

_“What…”_

_“I can’t handle this anymore Rapha. Every time she touches me it feels so wrong and tainted. Every kiss like ash in my mouth and I’m so close to just walking into the sun to make it all stop…” Theo said hoarsely immediately causing a spike of horror to flow through his body at the possibility of his loss._

_“Hey….” He soothed, pressing a light kiss to his lips._

_“Please….come with me Rapha…” Theo pleaded._

_“Of course I will Mi amor ….” Raphael soothed, pressing a light kiss to his lips that quickly turned deeper. “If we pack tonight we can go to Magnus’ and get a portal to anywhere you want to go.”_

_Theo offered a teary smile of thanks as his lover brushed the bloody tears from his cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt before letting Theo get up and walk towards his door._

“….We were all set and ready to walk out the door that night when…”

_Their bags were packed around their feet as they were finishing putting on coats and checking they had everything in the foyer. Most of the rest of the clan had already left the hotel out on the town like always, to the clubs and bars with Camille leading the party of course. Magnus had already agreed to have a portal waiting for them so they were waiting for the right opportunity to grab a cab from outside the hotel. They’d just gathered everything and were about to walk out the door when the silhouette of Camille standing there caused them both to freeze mid step._

_“Well, well where do you think you’re going my pets?” Camille’s deadly flirtatious tone echoing around the foyer causing their eyes to widen as they backtracked into the foyer, Camille’s figure following._

_“No…no…where…Camille,” Theo stuttered, his hand clenching tightly around Raphael’s._

_“Well I should hope not…Especially after all I’ve done for you Theo, giving you a good afterlife and all…” Camille smirked._

_“Camille stop it…” Raphael snarked._

_“Well, well someone’s becoming way too attached to my toy…that’s definitely an interesting development. Old Heartless Raphael actually having a heart after all…” Camille teased as Raphael guided Theo’s body behind his own._

_“He’s not your toy Camille…no more than I am…” he snarled._

_“Really? Well maybe I should show you what I do to toys that don’t know their place….” Camille grinned, ducking around Raphael and grabbing Theo by the shoulders and reeling him in, her hands caressing either side of his neck though Theo looked imploringly at Raphael, terror plainly written over his face._

_“Camille…please don’t….” Theo whimpered, flinching at the feel of Camille’s nails digging into the skin on either side of his throat._

_“Theo…Theo… nene please…just look at me…” Raphael crooned, the look of heartbreak in his eyes causing Theo’s eyes to start to water, bloody tears flowing down his cheeks._

_“You should know by now Raphael that I don’t share…especially with you…” Camille smirked._

_Theo whimpered, as his gaze locked with Raphael, praying for him to do something. But he knew it would be suicide for him to challenge Camille for the Fledgling, she was the leader of the clan for a reason and could make life a living hell for him if he acted._

_“Say goodbye to your lover boy Raphael…” Camille taunted, swiftly followed by the crack as Theo’s neck was broken and the thud of his body falling to the floor before it dissolved into a pile of ash._

“….I should have done something more to save him that night Magnus. Maybe if we’d left sooner…or I’d made sure to stay behind in exchange for his freedom he’d still be alive…” Raphael sobbed, Magnus clinging to him reassuringly.

“You know she never would have let the both of you go, let alone him, Raphael. Even if you had stayed in exchange for him, there’s nothing to say she wouldn’t have hunted him down while she was out at night. That she wouldn’t have killed him just to spite you. I’m so sorry my friend…” Magnus soothed, as Raphael’s tears continued to fall and stain Magnus’ silk violet shirt.

It had been a few years since that night when he told Magnus the horrible truth. Ever since he’d been back to Magnus’ every night on the anniversary of Theo’s death, the warlock just letting him drink with the reassurance of his presence. If anyone could understand the pain of losing a loved one it was Magnus who’d experienced it more times than anyone should have to. It was a soothing balm over the pain but never to the point that it helped to make it bearable for him to think of Theo’s face.

He sighed as he pressed the buzzer to Magnus’ building and heard the door click without Magnus’ booming voice enquiring who it was. Understandable as Raphael was never really talkative without any alcohol in his system. He pushed the door open and closed it behind him with a click before making his way up the stairs, his leather designer shoes clicking against them with every step.

The door to the loft was also open, the sound of Magnus on the phone from his study reaching his ears as he closed the door behind him. He made his way towards the couch of the week which seemed to be some turquoise leather monstrosity that made him roll his eyes as always at his friend’s eclectic taste as he sunk down onto it. Soon he heard Magnus hang up and appear, twirling his cell phone between his fingers as he offered him a small smile.

“I’ve got some fresh blood for a martini if you feel like one?” Magnus asked, setting his phone down on his bar as he pulled two glasses out.

“Whatever you feel up to making, _Brillantito_.” Raphael said, shrugging his jacket off and leaning back into the leather as he heard Magnus made a noise of distain at the name before humming to himself as he grabbed the right bottles and summoned the blood packet from the fridge. 

Raphael kept his gaze on the New York skyline, at the stars that Theo had been so fascinated by and the nights they’d spent on the hotel roof huddled together, their gazes rested on the other. On how those had been the best nights of his undead life, always destined to end in disaster because he didn’t seem to deserve anything else.

He was disturbed from his thoughts at the red martini being held in front of him, edible glitter floating on the top and a sparkly umbrella used to hold the olive which he knew the warlock did on purpose. Still he took it as Magnus sat on the couch beside him, sipping an Aquamarine Martini which from the smell of it contained more Vodka and schnapps than was probably advisable for a cocktail period.

Finally after a while Magnus got up to work on some potions or look some up for a client, the cocktail still in the palm of his hand as he got up from the couch with a grace that he’d long since come to associate with the warlock. It was something the warlock often did now, leave the vampire to his thoughts without prying anymore. It was something that he appreciated even if by the time the night ended he found himself with his face sticky with blood tears and his hands shaking around his martini glass, on the verge of just letting it fall and shatter between his Armani shoes.

It wasn’t until he felt the twinge of tiredness that signaled the impending rising of the sun that he felt Magnus’ hand around his own, removing the glass and gently leading him towards the windowless spare room he’d long since equipped with a bed and a dresser. He threw Raphael’s jacket of the night over the dresser and set him on the edge of the bed to leave him to change in peace. Which was just as well because the last thing Raphael wanted him to see was the possessive marks that Camille had left from the night before, it would only bring up more questions than answers.

“I’ll make sure to leave some blood in the fridge for you tomorrow darling, stay for as long as you need to,” Magnus said from the doorway before leaving the door slightly ajar behind him.

It took a while for Raphael to toe off his shoes and struggle out his jeans before curling up in the middle of the mattress, wiping his sticky face of remaining tears on the sheets which he knew Magnus would curse him for if he knew. Not to mention give him a lecture about hygiene and how if he wanted wipes all he’d had to do was ask. It was only then that he buried his face in a pillow that smelled of sandalwood, the sight of Theo’s beautiful face flashing before his closed eyelids. 

Of the sad smile on his face, the last expression that he had seen and the bloody tears down his cheeks before Camille put him out of his misery, the pain of his loss making his chest feel unbearable as he felt more tears fall when he finally succumbed to sleep.

XOX

The next night he woke to the sound of Magnus cursing in a language he didn’t know rather loudly as he ransacked his closet for something to wear while spending his night at Pandemonium. It was something the Warlock made sure to do at least twice a week now after a few rather threatening visits from circle members, despite the fact he’d expressly made the club a no go zone for them or any Shadowhunters period. Especially after everything that Valentine had done to Downworlders no matter their species, no-one could relax knowing it was so easy for them to get in without Magnus’ presence.

Raphael sighed and he pushed himself off the bed, cursing the fact his shirt was creased to hell, but he didn’t have a change of clothes at Magnus’ no matter how he always tried to remind himself to bring something. Still he stretched his arms over his head as he pried his phone from his jacket’s pocket to check for any missed messages about things that he needed to be made aware of whether in Camille’s stead or something she’d got up to that he’d have to fix. Thankfully there were only two messages from Lily asking where he was and followed by another at his lack of response saying she’d cover for him.

He replied letting her know he’d be back at the hotel within the next couple of hours in case anyone wanted to see him for whatever reason that night. Then he moved to scoop his jeans up from the night before, putting them on and sliding his feet in his shoes; by then he could hear Magnus cursing from his bathroom in Spanish about a bad hair day that had him rolling his eyes as he left the room towards the main room of the loft.

There sitting on the counter was a glass of blood waiting for him, still chilled as if Magnus had heard he was up and done it recently despite his fashion crisis. With a smile he picked it up and took a sip, the blood tasting of mint, Cinnamon, and Colombian coffee grounds an old trick Magnus had used in the beginning when he was a Fledgling to get him to drink his nightly glass. He leaned against the counter as he waited for the appearance of warlock since he might as well walk with him towards Pandemonium before going to the Dumort.

“You feeling better, _Cariño_?” Magnus’ voice came from behind him causing him to turn and meet the Warlock’s gaze from where he was leaning against the counter.

He was dressed to the nines like always, his hair overly spiked and make up minimal and yet perfect. The suit he was in unlike anything that Magnus would usually wear but the flare, the added touches like the revealing dip of his shirt to show everyone interested his abs, the necklaces of several centuries’ lovers around his neck and rings bedazzling his fingers. Somehow he still managed to pull off a Magnus look.

Raphael could feel the warlock’s gaze on him as he downed the last mouthful of O negative before setting the empty glass down.

“As good as I ever am after that night. You feel like a Mundane walk to Pandemonium before I have to do back to the Dumort and clean up whatever mess Camille has caused this time?” Raphael asked, watching Magnus flinch at the mention of his ex’s name but raise an eyebrow and nod while snapping some cat food into a bowl on the counter for Chairman Meow.

Magnus strengthened the wards around the building once they were stood on the sidewalk, his real eyes glimmering in the night when he looked at Raphael, disappearing in the blink of an eye behind his glamour as they started to walk through the streets towards the club.

There was a comfortable silence between them as they walked since they rarely spoke when around the other unless it was about Downworlder affairs that the other needed to be made aware of or complaints about Shadowhunters that needed to be brought up at the next Accords meeting. Meetings that Raphael always attended in Camille’s stead because Camille never saw it as her responsibility but attendance was mandatory and a condition woven into the Accords. So it was either he went or they got cut out of the Accords and it became free reign for the hunting of vampires.

The sound of banging music echoing down the street interrupted the silence and made Raphael’s head start to pound with the remainders of his bloody martinis in his blood stream the closer they got to the opening. Magnus didn’t seem to notice or knew him well enough to anticipate his reaction without needing to say something. Yet they soon stopped at the mouth of the alley that led to Pandemonium’s entrance, Magnus looking at him in silent invitation before he went back to the Dumort.

“Maybe another night, I should probably be getting back. I promised Lily I wouldn’t be long so she and Elliot can go out.” He said with a shrug as he pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

“Sure, well you know where I am if you need me. Don’t be a stranger Raphael.” Magnus grinned with a wink before sashaying his way down the alley amongst the other patrons, leaving Raphael to watch him and roll his eyes before turning his attention to taking the fastest route towards East Harlem.

He arrived outside the hotel as a group of Clan members were making their way out, all dressed for the clubs and bars around the city, a few of them calling out for him to join them as he made his way inside. He wove through the foyer towards Lily’s room on the third floor knowing it was best to check in with her first or she would never let him hear the end of it.

He’d been friends with Lily for as many years as he’d been in the clan, the other vampire older than him by a few decades but she was the only one other than Stan that he trusted enough to keep him informed if Camille did something he might end up being questioned about by Shadowhunters. Through some miracle she always managed to keep any actions that could be seen as illegal or breaking the accords under wraps by influence or the fact no-one wanted to challenge the leader with her reputation.

He knocked a couple of times on Lily’s door, covered with posters and notes from Elliot, hearing the sound of muffled voices before she called him in. He opened the door slowly to the sight of Elliot brushing past him, offering a smile before making his way down the hall towards his own.

“Lily…..” he only managed to get that one word out before his face was filled with dark hair as she wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug.

“Rapha! I was wondering where you’d got to last night, Camille was looking for you.” Lilly muffled against his shirt causing him to stiffen.

“What? Why didn’t you text me!? I would have come back sooner….you know what she gets like if I don’t….” Raphael asked, a sense of dread taking him over.

“Zeke managed to distract her with a night out in Manhattan. Besides you rarely go out as it is. I thought you could do with some alone time.” Lily soothed as she let him go and moved towards her bed which was covered in her entire wardrobe.

“Then I should probably go and check on Camille…providing she doesn’t have some poor Mundanes in her bed…”Raphael sighed, hovering by the doorway.

“I wouldn’t put it past her from what I heard. I’ll see you later.” Lily said with a wink over her shoulder.

“If you and Elliot don’t get too busy you mean? Yeah, sure.” Raphael grinned, turning out the room and shutting the door before the other vampire could throw something at him.

The hallways of the Dumort seemed to be eerily quiet the closer that he got to Camille’s quarters on the eleventh floor. He didn’t doubt if it wasn’t in ruins from an attack to a previous leader she would have taken possession of the penthouse, but at least this way someone else could keep an eye on her. The only sound was the click of his shoes against the marble floor that made him feel more unnerved than every other time that he’d been summoned via their bond or made his way there.

The door to the room was gilded with gold paint and the number of the room looking over the top and wrong against the décor of the hallway but no-one would dare to tell her as such. After a sigh and straightening his shoulders he knocked loudly and quickly heard the call for him to enter, the sickly sweetness in her voice causing him to cringe as he opened the door.

She was reclined on her bed with two Mundanes either side of her barely dressed but both offering her their necks which she was taking alternate bites out of, their blood dripping down their necks and her lips making them redder than normal.

“Um…Raphael, I was wondering where you were my pet….” Camille crooned, sounding high from the blood which made him grit his teeth. 

“I was out over Brooklyn way and couldn’t get back in time before dawn so I ended up staying with a friend until sunset.” He said, watching her long nailed hand curl around the wrist of one of the Mundane, the nail of her thumb digging into the skin at the heel of his hand and where his collection of veins ended, guiding the arm to her lips and taking a deep bite that elicited a moan from the Mundane in question while the other kept his neck bare.

“What was it that you wanted exactly Camille since you are so obviously busy? And I’m sure there’s some paperwork and letters I should be catching up on.” Raphael sighed, trying to keep his gaze away from Camille.

“Right….about that…”Camille sighed, wiping the lingering drops of blood from her lips with her fingers and sucking it off. “…why don’t you come join us?”

“Because I’m not interested in breaking the accords or getting hooked on blood tainted by Cocaine.” Raphael ground out, it had taken all the will power he’d possessed not to follow the rest of the clan’s lead when she had brought it up. Not to mention how much time it had taken for him to help those that had got hooked detoxed, it had only made his resolve all the stronger. 

“You don’t have a choice in the matter, Raphael. But I didn’t mean for that, come here. There’s a good pet.” Camille murmured with a blissful smile on her lips.

Raphael’s jaw clenched as he stared at her defiantly. This was the way it always was since Theo, he would try and resist to show her the lack of hold she actually held over him but though his resolve was last longer and longer and it was never completely broken when she’d tug on their bond pointedly to get him to comply. 

“Nuh uh none of that Raphael. We both know I get what I want, so get here before you make it harder than it needs to be.” Camille cooed, causing him to swallow the taste of bitterness as he closed the door behind him and reluctantly moved towards the bed.

He sunk down on the edge of the mattress with his back to her, his eyes sliding closed to restrain the urge to flinch as he felt Camille’s fangs trailing against the spot on the right side of his neck where his pulse would have been racing if he were still alive, where she had bitten him for their bond to take hold. It caused him to swallow as he tilted his head back and felt her fingers unbuttoning his shirt once his blazer was thrown across the floor, his bare chest soon open to the air.

“Um…such a good little pet….” Camille purred, brushing his curled hair from his face and pressing a bloody kiss to his neck, her fangs nipping at his neck and causing a groan to be pulled from his lips. His fingers clenching around his thighs when her mouth opened over the skin and his eyes screwed closed tighter as her fangs dug into the skin. Her tongue began to lap at the wound, causing him to tilt his head back against her as a breathed groan left his lips. He felt her fingers brushing up and down his chest, her nails leaving deep red lines over his tanned skin.

“Such a good boy for me aren’t you pet….” Camille murmured, her tongue moving over the still weeping wound before guiding his body back on to the bed, straddling his hips as the two Mundanes moved to the other like magnets while she was preoccupied. 

A gasp left his lips when he felt her fangs nick his jugular and between his pecs, causing him to curse in his mother tongue, his thoughts fixated on Theo as he let her continue to devour him. The longer he let his head be filled with sensations the deeper he pushed his heart and soul into the pit of his stomach and built up the ten foot walls to stop himself from ever getting attached to anyone that could hurt him so bitterly again. It was destined to only bring him more pain that he admittedly probably deserved but would take over who he really was until there was nothing left of him. 

Just as he felt Camille’s fingers curling around the zipper of his jeans he slammed the top on those walls hard, locking his heart away. It was so much easier to be heartless than to experience this anguish and sense of loss all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spanish Translations:  
> Cariño - Darling  
> Idiota - Idiot  
> Mi Amor - My love  
> Nene - Baby [for a guy]  
> Brillantito - Glittery one


	2. I never thought I'd be the man I am now.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael is ordered to take Simon by Camille and events slowly spiral from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now this is where things change from canon and might seem a little disjointed but there's a reason for this. While I could have wrote Raphael's POV when they actually go to the City of Bones and kidnap Simon that way this seemed better for the plot and demonstrate Camille's power over Raphael. The gaps between scenes are obviously where canon would fill it...if I could be bothered to write them from Raphael's POV, like his first impression of Clary...or the conversation with him and Simon in the crypt or even the meeting with him and Camille while Simon is frozen, but honestly if you've watched the show I don't really think they need to be added...well that and I wanted to progress the plot more away from Canon. If it bothers anyone I can always fill them in as oneshots at some point but at the moment...I'm happy as is..  
> Also I don't know if anyone picked up on the book references in the previous chapter but I haven't read the books and have only picked up on Raphael's Origins and that stuff with Camille from the Wiki [some even after I've wrote it!] So if things are awkward there that's just me playing around with book references in regard to show Canon.  
> I've wrote all the above because I know _someone_ will complain about all the above in the comments and while I shouldn't HAVE to It feels better do it this way than be ranted at.  
>  All that aside enjoy :)

When Camille summoned him a few nights after her latest demonstration of dominance over him it had taken every bit of courage he possessed to make himself go to her office the floor above his own in the foyer. He dismissed Stan once he had his hand on the door handle and felt a smile of relief being cast at his back before he left.

Raphael let out a deep breath as he knocked once before letting himself in. Her office was much like the library she had in her apartment somewhere in the Upper east Side, the walls covered with shelves all containing first editions, tomes and spell books half of which he was sure actually belonged to Magnus but she was refusing to give back. There was the odd picture of her with others dotted in the empty shelves, yet at that moment she was sat on a couch not far from her sparse desk, most of whatever correspondence or requests for help were sent directly to Raphael since they would get ignored otherwise.

“Camille, you wanted to see me?” He asked blankly, folding his arms behind himself, his gaze rested anywhere but on her.

“Ah Pet….I was wondering where you were. I’ve had some interesting news from a little bird that I think might be of interest. Something we could maybe use?” Camille crooned, though her gaze remained on where she was picking at her crimson painted nails.

“And what’s that?” Raphael asked uncertainly.

“I’ve heard talk that a Shadowhunter has possession of The Mortal Cup. A Shadowhunter that might make it easy for us to acquire it since she has a few weaknesses.” Camille said with a gleeful smile that caused Raphael to freeze.

“A Shadowhunter? You want us to steal The Mortal Cup from the Clave? That’s suicide! It would become opening hunting for all vampires, the accords would be broken and there’s no real guarantee that what you say is true!” Raphael asked, the thought of getting caught by the Clave and the Silent Brothers doing whatever they wanted to him because he dared to steal from their own causing him to shudder.

“Nuh uh I don’t like your negativity and you aren’t listening Pet! I said a lone Shadowhunter not the Clave. A Shadowhunter who is easily manipulated since she doesn’t have the training that the others do yet. All we have to do is apply the right amount of pressure by exploiting a weakness.” Camille said, reprimanding him for not paying attention as his gaze moved to the floor in front of him.

“And I’m assuming your little bird told you exactly how to do that?” Raphael asked sceptically, since Camille had never exactly been the most well known for her plans.

“They didn’t have to…a circle insider has given me a name, A bargaining chip. All you need to do is get him and I’m sure the Shadowhunters would gladly hand it over in exchange for his freedom.” Camille said, grabbing a picture up from the couch beside her and offering it to him.

“What do you propose I should do?” Raphael asked reluctantly, taking the picture from between her nails.

“Grab him, give her the old ultimatum of his life for the cup and bring him back here while she makes up her mind.” Camille sighed arching her back against her couch.

“OK…I’ll take Lily tomorrow night and we’ll grab him, anything else?” He asked, watching her gaze moved back to her nails with a look of boredom and fixation on her face, silently dismissing him.

With a soft sigh he left the office, closing the door behind him with a click, the feeling of being able to breathe, not that he really even needed to, taking him over. Still the thought of Camille having let alone wanting the Mortal cup caused chills through his spine, this definitely wasn’t going to end well. Definitely best to come up with a Plan B, because he didn’t doubt for a second that Camille had something else up her sleeve.

He waited until he was in his own office before looking at the picture he’d been given, random addresses and places scribbled on the back before looking at the picture itself. It showed two teenagers beaming up at him without a care in the world, a redhead with green eyes who was resting her head against the other but she wasn’t remarkable even if she was supposed to be a Shadowhunter, though her features did show a slight hint of angel blood.

It was the boy he knew he was supposed to take, yet nothing about him seemed to scream of significance. A boy with brown eyes hidden behind glasses, a quirky smile on his lips and his hair a mess a bird would be proud to call its home. Yet the way he looked at the redhead screamed of adoration and affection; his gaze rested on her as if she was an angel. The only person of importance in his whole existence. It seemed to make a sense of bitterness in his stomach as he bit his lip so hard he was sure he could taste the copper of blood.

He sunk down into his chair and raked his fingers through his hair as he put the photo face down on the desk. He tried to distract himself with letters and RSVPs to conferences and events, anything to get rid of the bitter feeling of what he was about to do, for a leader who would cause more damage to the Shadow world than he could even bare thinking about.

XOX

It wasn’t until the next night after downing a cupful of blood that he went to find Lily who, when she answered, looked like she had plans with Elliot. It made him want to do it alone but he would need bait to get the boy away without causing a fuss and Lily had been his best bet since the boy was obviously straight as an arrow. But once Lily looked at him and moved towards him he knew she wouldn’t say no, as long as she and Elliot had time at the end of the night together.

“Raph you going somewhere?” Lily quipped, resting her hands on his arms to get him to stop.

“Camille has an errand she wants to me to run. I was going to ask you to come along but if you and Elliot have a date….” He began about to move past her when her grip on his arm tightened.

“Come on Raphael He’ll understand if you want me to go. I can always meet up with him later as long as it doesn’t take too long.” Lily said meeting his gaze.

“As long as you’re sure.” Raphael asked unsure, feeling bad at interrupting her evening, though by the way Lily beamed she wasn’t going to let him take it back now.

“You just wait here while I tell him.” Lily assured.

“Don’t take too long.” Raphael sighed, feeling her peck a kiss to his cheek before leaving in a flurry of limbs to find Elliot. 

She soon reappeared, grabbing him by the arm and practically pulling him out of the Dumort.

They hovered around a couple of spots that had been on the back of the photo he’d been given that Camille’s little bird had given them but he wasn’t at his parent’s house, a burned out apartment or the apartment building holding his university dorm. Finally they made their way to a café called Java Jones, the last place they’d been given so it was a long shot. Still Lily pulled him through the collection of students along the back of the room though they probably stuck out like a sore thumb but no-one seemed to pay them much attention.

The two spotted him standing on the stage in the corner with a woman beside him chatting as she set up her keyboard, an acoustic guitar in his possession and a smile on his lips. The sound of his voice echoed around the room as he sang some song in perfect harmony with the girl who kept casting the odd gaze at him out the corner of her eye, her body only a few inches from his own. 

Now able to see the Mundane in person instead of through some photo Raphael could see just the kind of person that he was. Very obviously Mundane, dressed with the worst taste he’d ever seen, skinny jeans with a pastel red button down open over a T-shirt, his hair glittering with gel holding it into the dishevelled mess it was currently in. His glasses sparkling against the spotlight over head giving him a slight halo. He looked like just another Mundane teenager, nothing aside from the picture to even show that he knew about Shadowhunters let alone The Mortal Cup but he was who Camille wanted.

Finally after a couple of other songs the set stopped and the room was filled with less than enthusiastic applause as the pair got down. Raphael met Lily’s gaze and jerked his head for her to approach him to lure him out the back of the club. It would make him easier to abduct if he was alone.

Lily flashed him a flirty wink in acknowledgment before weaving through the crowd towards him, where he was speaking with his bandmate just in front of the stage where the next act was getting ready.

Raphael watched the boy take a glance at Lily when she appeared, a bright smile blossoming over his face even while his bandmate looked disgruntled at being interrupted and left the two of them alone. Lily was all flirtatious gestures and alluring words in his ear, the Mundane’s face flushing at whatever she was saying as he picked up his guitar and led the way out the back door. Lily caught Raphael’s gaze and nodded her head at the door before following the Mundane out, leaving Raphael to backtrack through the entrance to make his way around the back.

When he reached the alley, Lily had knocked him out with her glamour and was holding him up against the side of a van.

“Took you long enough!” she huffed, maneuvering his body so he looked like they had been making out to any passers by.

“What the hell Lily! What happened to making out with him until I reached you?” Raphael cursed while she rolled her eyes at him.

“And go to meet Elliot tasting like some Mundane? Really? You know I’m trying to be good for him right?! No matter how I spin it he will get pissed and my night will be ruined. At least this way I can take him back to the hotel easier. Shall we?” Lily asked, jerking her head at the Mundane’s unconscious figure she was holding up by the shoulders.

“Hold on I need to leave the message for the Shadowhunter. Give me his phone.” Raphael said holding his hand out for it, Lily rolling her eyes as she pried it from the boy’s pocket and handing it over.

He managed to unlock it quickly and open the most used text thread to someone called Clary, the picture of the Mundane and the redhead matching the one that Camille had given him.

‘To: Clary  
I have your Mundane. Meet at the entrance to the City Of Bones to negotiate his release in an hour.” He typed, quickly sending it as Lily slung the Mundane’s unconscious body over her shoulder when she got bored of holding him up against the van. He pushed the phone in his pocket of his blazer once it was sent and led the way towards the spot he’d texted the Shadowhunter to meet them. Though he did make sure to keep them out of view until they got there.

“You do know there’s a good chance she isn’t going to come alone if she really is a Shadowhunter right?” Lily asked, as they walked in the shadows along the beams.

“I know, believe me, but I highly doubt she’s going to let them do anything to put his life in danger.” Raphael sighed, keeping an eye out of any approaching Nephilim.

Soon the smell of Angel blood reached his nose and he flashed a look at Lily who grinned as she moved towards the edge of the rafters, slinging Simon over her shoulder so hard that he woke with a yell that alerted the group below of their presence.

“Simon!!!”

Xo

The moment they entered the hotel, Lily looked questioningly at Raphael for where to keep the Mundane who continued to try and pry himself out her rather tight grasp now that he was conscious.

“Just put him in one of the crypts’ near the basement, I’ll deal with him later and you can go make your absence up to Elliot.” Raphael said, watching her nod and make her way down the hall from the foyer with a tighter grip on Simon, the sound of his nervous rambling and racing heart echoing around the halls. 

It left Raphael to make his way towards his office, hopefully he’d be able to deal with his paperwork before the night was out without being called into Camille’s presence. There were a few unopened letters from other clans waiting for him, probably about upcoming events, meetings that he needed to be made aware of and a couple of upcoming Clave-Downworlder conferences. The later of which he wanted to throw into the bin but it would look bad if he didn’t show especially since there was little to no chance to Camille would want to go. Instead he started to note down dates on a calendar above his desk, scribbling the right RSVP fire messages to the right people to send before the night was out.

Only then did he make himself walk towards the crypt that he’d followed the scent of Mundane blood towards, catching the sounds of his voice rambling away and calling for attention from anyone through the cross shaped gap in the door, a useless task when rarely anyone else went down there unless asked.

XOX

When the rescue party appeared at the assigned time, the same Shadowhunters with the same weapons and attitude it had him rolling his eyes, especially as they demanded that he let the Mundane go. Yet watching the way the redhead and the Mundane eyes locked and how they acted around the other it was obvious there was something there between them. Maybe not completely obvious to anyone who wasn’t looking for it but it was definitely there.

Not in a romantic sense, maybe platonic at most, but with the way the Mundane’s gaze lingered on the redhead like he had in the photo he’d been given it was one-sided at best. 

As he dragged Simon by the neck with the dagger still pinned tauntingly against his throat he could tell there was at least some kind of one-sided romantic intent from his side. Something about that knowledge strangely saddened him in a way he couldn’t understand. After all it wasn’t as if he’d ever thought of the Mundane as anything but a bargaining chip thrown into his lap to deal with by Camille. A bargaining chip that was a major pain in his side with a mouth that didn’t know how to keep shut. 

Still as he continued to weave his way through the darkened tunnels towards the exit he could feel the tension from the Shadowhunters trailing after him, how they trained their respective weapons on him the tunnel lit up slightly from the glow of their seraph blades and their gazes pinned on him. Almost daring him to make a wrong move so they could have the excuse of turning him to ash without being reprimanded by the Clave.

So he continued to shuffle along the path, keeping his grip on the Mundane tight until they reached the exit, gesturing with his head for them to open the door out into the sunlight, making sure to keep himself in the shadows. The light soon flooded in around them as he hid behind the pipes, waiting until only the blond Nephilim was standing half in the doorway, keeping his gaze pinned on him before propelling the Mundane away from him.

The Mundane rambled thanks but they seemed like white noise in the grand scheme of things and meant nothing to him. He hadn’t done it for the Mundane but more to make sure that Camille didn’t get her hands on The Mortal Cup, and if this was the only way to go about it then so be it. 

The moment the door thudded shut, saving him from the blinding sunlight and leaving him back in darkness, he let out a breath he didn’t need but had for some reason been holding. Hearing the Mundane’s heart thudding rapidly in his ears and he found himself mourning the loss of the Mundane’s warmth against his body when he had held him so close that he had been deprived of it for so long continued to taunt him as much as the sugary scent of his blood down his neck from the small knick the blade of the knife had left. 

He swiftly pushed the thoughts to the back of his head as he took a lingering glance at the door as his grip tightened around the handle of the knife and he made himself walk through the tunnel back towards the foyer trying to think of what excuse he could tell Camille about why they didn’t have the cup and the Mundane was gone. Still hopefully she wouldn’t ask for a while so he had more time to think as he wiped the blood from the blade with his handkerchief and replaced it in its cabinet before turning back towards his room as the nag of sunrise itched at his bones.

He only hoped that the Shadowhunters would be able to dissuade the Mundane from coming back to the Dumort, it had been pure luck playing on Camille’s sense of self importance that he’d managed to distract her enough to save him to begin with. Just enough to stop her before she carried out whatever plan she’d been formulating with the Mundane as the main attraction. Still there was nothing to say he’d be able to deter her again if the Mundane came back.

In the eyes of the Shadowhunters and the Clave he’d be the one that would be held responsible if something happened to him even if Camille was the real clan leader and should be held to account. 

Still he tried to push that all to the back of his mind as he finally reached his room and closed the door behind him with a loud resounding thud, the signal to all members who wanted a quick talk before the sun rose that whatever it was it would have to wait.

He slowly stripped off his suit, changing to a pair pf pyjama pants pausing to rummage through his drawers for a shirt to look at his reflection, at all the scars on his chest and shoulders from Camille’s bites that she’d made sure would never completely heal in the past and present, at the freshly aggravated bite on the right side of his neck that he covered with the collars of his shirts or jackets to stop the rest of the clan from staring. At the bite over his navel that still wept every so often and the bite over his heart that ached with the pain behind the act, her way of demonstrating that Theo had never truly had it because it was hers. Not that he would ever agree with her about that.

He often tried to avoid looking at the state of his body, knowing Magnus would have a heart attack if he saw the state he’d let himself become before eagerly offering to heal him. But the last thing he wanted was his friend to know she was doing this to him a make a point, to keep him in line even if he’d long stopped being under her thumb despite what she thought. Although it disgusted him it was better this way, it reminded him of the promise he made to himself, to never let anyone else get close or he would only be subjecting himself to all this pain on the inside again. 

Finally he tore his gaze from the mirror to pull on a tank top that only just covered the bites on his shoulders and crawled into bed. His gaze rested on the ceiling as his eyes drifted closed to memories of him and Theo together and happy before everything went to hell; blood tears falling from his eyes as he curled up on his side. Destined to be painfully alone.


	3. So give them blood, blood, gallons of the stuff!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael tries to keep Simon away from the Hotel Dumort but instead finds himself face to face with Camille's heartlessness which he tries to correct. He then begins the ritual on Simon once the alliance is in place....

Despite his hope that the Nephilim would have tried to keep the Mundane from coming back to the Dumort for the sake of his safety, since he was a Mundane after all, and would be a piece of bait in a lion’s den. Instead he started to appear more and more at night, often lingering outside the hotel with his gaze fixated on the building as if waiting for someone to come out. Well either that or his curiosity had got the better of him.

Those nights in the beginning weren’t so bad, as long as Camille was out on the town Raphael would watch him from the window in his room, indulging him in the curiosity since there was no likelihood of him getting caught. He’d always promise himself that the moment the Mundane tried to come inside would be when he acted.

In the end the Mundane made the mistake of coming on a night when Camille was in, a dangerous thing when Raphael had known how infatuated she had been with the Mundane. It would only end in disaster if she ever found out he was there. Thankfully she was entertaining a few Mundanes and visiting vampiric visitors which was keeping her attention. Still the urge for him to protect the Mundane from Camille’s antics and possessive behavior was something he tried not to dwell on. Knowing how obvious it would appear to Camille and whenever Camille spotted a weakness in him she would always exploit it as Theo demonstrated painfully.

This time the Mundane was hovering outside in a ratty red hoodie and jeans with battered sneakers and his hands pushed into the hoodie’s pocket against the night’s cold. Raphael watched him discretely from the window in his room, biting his lip as he decided he had to try and stop this before it got any worse. He couldn’t let the Mundane be caught up in this and if the only way to go about it was to frighten him off then so be it. No matter how much some part of his heart seemed to ache, now wasn’t the time to think of things he couldn’t have, especially with a Mundane.

But soon it became clear that after warning the Mundane away, with fangs and threats which he had been sure was so effective, would be enough to prevent him to come back, to make sure Camille didn’t set her sights on him again. Still he knew deep down that that was a vain hope of a fool because when Camille wanted something she didn’t let anything or anyone stop her. He was complacent and couldn’t stop the guilt that nagged at him when he found him.

It had been a few nights since he’d last seen the Mundane and he’d reluctantly agreed to let Lily bully him into coming out on the town with the rest of the clan, to be their sober babysitter. Usually he wouldn’t give into her invitations especially if they involved him being sober but for once he’d decided to relish in the opportunity, just needing to get out the Dumort and away from Camille.

Somewhere between sitting in the VIP room of Pandemonium with Magnus beside him bemoaning the fact his Shadowhunter was still so painfully in denial about who he was while watching the group on the dance floor and the vampire specialist bar on 33rd whose specialty was the most bloodiest of bloody Mary’s containing enough of the strongest vodka to leave your head spinning he decided to call it a night. The urge to return to the Dumort nagging through his clan bond with Camille, the leader summoning him against his will, like a puppeteer tugging the strings.

He knew nothing good would come from denying her, as she knew the ways to inflict the worst amount of pain through a bond and didn’t hesitate to use it if he refused to comply. So he downed what remained of his plain A Negative before getting up from beside where Lily and Elliot were making out on one side and Zeke chatting up a couple of waitresses on the other. He did make sure to let Lily know he was leaving between Elliot’s attention moving from her mouth to her neck, and leaving a couple of twenties for her to use for cab fare if they needed it since he didn’t doubt she would really remember their conversation in five minutes time.

He managed to make it back to the Dumort, a feeling of inexplicable dread setting in the pit of his stomach the closer he got. It became excruciating once he got into the foyer, leaving him frowning as he started to make his way through the hotel looking for any sign of Camille, using her bond as guide. But soon the bond’s location seemed to be elsewhere outside causing him to swallow. He didn’t doubt for one second there was a real reason why she had summoned him back and began to search her rooms. 

After leaving her actual room and the foyer, he moved to her office when he spotted a figure splayed on the marble floor which unfortunately wasn’t uncommon as sometimes she did get a bit carried away, but never to the extent that she would call him to come and handle a body. It wasn’t until he got closer and the face registered that he froze at the sight of Simon’s body lying there, something that could have been easily avoided if the Mundane had just listened to him. 

He swallowed as he sunk to his knees beside him, checking redundantly for a pulse on his wrist with two fingers and then to his neck, cursing to himself when he found none.

_“Imbécil, te dije que no te metieras_.” He cursed under his breath, the sight of the deep bite on the underside of his jaw causing him to rub his eyes in frustration and something akin to misery.

His Catholic side immediately seemed to repeat a prayer around and around in his head that he hadn’t heard for years since his last brother had died of cancer. He’d been the only one there with him on his death bed since the others had died, his children unable to make it, their mother already dead. It made it so much harder to be the one to overlook him being give the last rites, but there had been some strength in that prayer and he found himself murmuring now under his breath. The Mundane didn’t deserve this.

_“Dios, Padre nuestro,Tu poder nos hace nacer,Tu providencia guía nuestras vidas,Y por tu voluntad volvemos a ser polvo. Señor, aquellos que mueren aún viven en tu presencia, Sus vidas cambiaron pero no terminaron. Oro con esperanza por mi familia,Rezo por mis familiares y amigosy por todos los muertos que sólotú conoces. En compañía con Jesucristo,quien murió y ahora vive,que se regocijen en tu reino,donde todas las lágrimas son secadas. Únenos otra vez en una sola familia,para cantar tus alabanzas por siempre. Amén.”_ He murmured, drawing a cross from forehead to chest and shoulder to shoulder with his right hand before kissing the cross he’d been unknowingly fidgeting with in his left, relishing in the burn against his lips. 

He swallowed as he slowly gathered the Mundane’s body into his arms, knowing without a doubt that Camille’s next move where the Mundane was concerned wasn’t going to be in his best interests. Only filled with pain and misery that he didn’t deserve. He needed to be taken to the redheaded Shadowhunter to make the decision as to what happened next, whether that meant killing him or burying him for the next transition it wasn’t his decision to make. He only hoped that the redhead would do what was best for him instead of some selfish attempt at keeping him alive. 

He let out a soft breath as he got to his feet, slowly walking out the Dumort and glad there wasn’t anyone else around to see him do this. He would have to go on to Shadowhunter territory and he was sure without a doubt that this wasn’t going to go well, accords be damned.

XOX

The moment they entered the Dumort after the Downworlder-Shadowhunter Alliance had been finalized, everyone of his kind had looked between him and Simon as though they knew what was going to happen next. Camille had always made a big song and dance about the ritual, always making sure everyone witnessed it while she taunted and teased the other party, making it more painful than it really needed to be for her own sick and twisted pleasure.

But Raphael refused to follow in her twisted footsteps, let alone do it publicly all the time. The first time yes to demonstrate Simon’s Loyalty to the clan in front of them and maybe the seventh before Lily and the others dragged the Fledgling out to celebrate but otherwise from where he stood it was between him and the Fledgling alone. Making it seem more intimate than it really needed to be in his own head.

“Raphael what’s going on?” Simon asked as Lily pried his hoodie and shirt from him to hold while Elliot held his arms, attempting to restrain him like Camille had always asked for but at Raphael’s glare Elliot quickly let go and moved to stand beside Lily with the others. 

“Baby when you agreed to be part of this clan, it’s much more complicated than you think it is. There’s a ritual we need to perform to bind you to the clan.” Raphael said, the rest of the clan edging forward to surround them in a circle.

“Wait what? I didn’t agree to that!” Simon said, his beautiful brown eyes wide.

“The moment you said yes you agreed. Please don’t put up a fight, it’s late and I’d prefer to do this calmly with as little force as possible.” Raphael said, pushing his shirt sleeves up to his elbows.

“What do you need to me to..?” Simon asked hesitantly.

“Bear your neck to the right. Now this is going to feel odd, it always does the first time but I promise I’ll make it as painless as possible.” Raphael said softly, brushing fingertips against the Fledgling’s bare right shoulder as he moved closer towards him. He hesitated a moment before pressing a soft kiss to his neck, feeling Simon’s body shudder in surprise before repeating the gesture as he searched for the spot he was looking for.

The spot where his pulse would have been racing if he were still alive, where his Mundane blood would have been calling out to him and be so much easier to access. He finally reached it and pressed an open mouthed kiss to the spot, feeling Simon stiffen up and hushed him softly under his breath.

“It’ll hurt worse the more you tense up …just relax baby….” Raphael murmured against his skin as he mouthed at the skin, caressing his tongue against it as he felt the tension slide from Simon’s body at the touch. The elder vampire’s fingers brushing at his sides soothingly, only then did he sink his fangs into the Fledgling’s neck.

He heard Simon let out a hiss of pain, his eyes flickering closed and lips parted in a sense of euphoric pleasure while Raphael’s lips sealed over the bite and sucked the blood. It definitely tasted sweeter the way Fledgling blood was always supposed to, though Simon’s was with the sugary tinge of caramel lingering over his tongue. The taste immediately reminded him of Camille’s cooing over him when he was a Mundane, it taking everything he had not to tense up or bite deeper. Instead he silently counted two minutes in his head as his fingers brushed the bare skin of Simon’s sides to keep them both grounded, not wanting to completely drain him but soon he pulled away minutely, brushing his tongue against the bite to sooth the sting and help stop the blood flow enough for it to heal.

He watched the Fledgling’s eyes open, completely blown with arousal, lust and so many other emotions that often took hold when such an act took place, yet his gaze remained on Raphael as though he was the focus of all those feelings. It was something Raphael knew he should have explained along with the history behind the ritual but it had been a long night and with the alliance thing he just wanted to go to bed before he informed other clan members the next night. 

“Welcome to the clan baby, I’ll see you tomorrow night. Lily’s going to show you to your room.” Raphael said gently, taking a step back as the other boy sagged a little, not familiar yet with the sensation of blood loss while conscious.

“Can’t you?” Simon asked, looking at him imploringly as the rest of the clan began to make their own ways to their various rooms.

“I have paperwork and people to inform. I swear I’ll see you tomorrow.” Raphael assured, jerking his head towards Lily who handed Simon’s clothes to Elliot before moving towards the Fledgling and gently resting a hand on his bare arm.

Raphael watched her steer him away though the gaze she flashed at him did have him glaring at her as she smirked before leading the Fledgling and Elliot towards the lift. As they moved away Raphael felt Simon’s gaze locked on him over his shoulder until they were out of sight and only then did Raphael feel like he could breathe as he wove through the crowd of lingering clan members towards his office, bed seeming to be a luxury that would have to wait a bit longer.

He sunk into his chair once the door closed behind him and groaned as he buried his face into his hands. The tips of his fingers still burned with the feel of Simon’s skin, the sugary taste of his blood lingering on his tongue taunting him with the want for more and the look in his eyes when their gazes had met afterwards made him so glad he’d said no. Not wanting to start anything with anyone, let alone a Fledgling high on a ritual let alone a Fledgling only a part of the clan because of his Shadowhunter. It had caused the aching in his undead heart to give way to a longing he hadn’t felt or thought he would feel again, something he’d promised himself to never feel again.

And yet now here he was, cursed to look at this Fledgling, to endure the next six days of sharing his blood and getting to know more about him. Something he knew was destined to end in betrayal and heartache one way or another, he could just feel it. 

He tried to push all that to the back of his head as he wrote fire messages to all other clan leaders about the alliance, he didn’t doubt for a second that a meeting would be called for those outraged that he’d agreed without discussing it with those higher up the food chain. He just hoped he could quell their anxiety and arguments long enough to handle whatever was destined to happen next.

XOX

Raphael woke the next evening to who he was sure was Lily banging on the door to get his attention and probably also remind him of his need to perform the ritual on the Fledgling, like he would have forgotten. He groaned as he shuffled underneath the cover to rub at his eyes before pushing himself upright as the banging intensified.

“ _¡Dios mío!_ I’m coming! Hold on!” He yelled, padding his feet against the marble floor before opening the door.

The Fledgling was stood there instead of Lily, causing him to frown as he leaned against the door frame, wondering how the hell he’d even known where his room was in the first place.

“What is it Baby? It better be pretty important…” he sighed watching the other boy rub at the bite he’d left on his neck the night before with some ferocity.

“This bite is driving me nuts….is it supposed to do that or…” Simon cursed scratching at it though Raphael managed to grab him by the wrist to stop him before he caused any irreparable damage.

“Don’t do that! Come in and sit down.” He sighed, reeling him into the room by his wrist and leading him towards the edge of his bed once the door was closed behind them both.  
He made sure Simon sat down before sitting beside him, brushing the stretched neckline of his t-shirt out of the way before softly pressing a kiss to the bite that caused Simon’s eyes to flick closed with relief.

“Shh…It’s OK. It’s just a reminder that it’s time for you to come see me that’s all.” Raphael hushed softly, pressing another kiss to the abused skin as Simon’s head tilted back to offer the spot to his ministrations, the tip of Raphael’s tongue brushing away the dried blood from before. He then grazed his fangs against the side of Simon’s neck causing a shiver down his spine.

“Um….” Simon shuddered, a smile spreading across his lips causing Raphael to hush him gently again as he sucked at Simon’s neck before sinking his fangs into the same spot, lapping at the blood a little before pulling back. Simon’s glazed gaze lingering on his bloody lips watching transfixed as Raphael’s tongue licked it off.

Raphael then pulled back, hoping to separate them before anything awkward happened especially when Simon’s body leaned into his own, his hands rested on Simon’s chest to stop him.

“You only need to see me twice a day before it starts to itch. Once it’s healed, I’ll let you go hm?” Raphael murmured, brushing his tongue against the bite marks to ease the blood flow, guiding Simon on to his back amongst his sheets, watching the other’s eyes slipping closed with pleasure of the aftermath.

It was hard for him to keep his gaze off the Fledgling, to stop himself from taking in the sight of his features and how blissed out he looked, but soon he pushed himself off the bed to dress while he had a free moment. He’d just pulled his shirt off and thrown it aside when he felt Simon’s gaze on his scared back and stiffened, hurriedly pulling a fresh one on its place before any questions were asked.

“You can go now Baby.” He let out gruffly, making sure to keep his back to the other who got the hint as he heard the sound of him getting off the bed before the door closed behind him with a thud. 

Raphael screwed his eyes closed and rubbed his face with his hands as the scent of the Fledgling seemed to linger in the room, making him question how long he’d be able to keep this up for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imbécil, te dije que no te metieras - You idiot I told you to stay away.  
> Dios, Padre nuestro,  
> Tu poder nos hace nacer,Tu providencia guía nuestras vidas,Y por tu voluntad volvemos a ser polvo,Señor, aquellos que mueren aún viven en tu presencia  
> Sus vidas cambiaron pero no terminaron,Oro con esperanza por mi familia,Rezo por mis familiares y amigosy por todos los muertos que sólotú conoces,En compañía con Jesucristo,quien murió y ahora vive,que se regocijen en tu reino,donde todas las lágrimas son secadas.Únenos otra vez en una sola familia,para cantar tus alabanzas por siempre.  
> Amén." - God our Father Your power brings us to birth Your providence guides our lives and by Your command we return to dust. Lord, those who die still live in Your presence their lives change but do not end.  
> I pray in hope for my family relatives and friends and for all the dead known to You alone.  
> In company with Christ Who died and now lives may they rejoice in Your kingdom where all our tears are wiped away.  
> Unite us together again in one family to sing Your praise forever and ever.  
> Amen  
> ¡Dios mío! - My god.


	4. Now I find my self alone caught in a cage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon settles in to life at the Dumort...before Raphael gets some news...

Simon eased himself down the corridor from Raphael’s room towards his own, his gaze hazy but thankfully the bite had stopped itching so incessantly. But the feel of Raphael’s lips and tongue grazing against the skin of his neck caused a shudder through his body, he tried to keep his mind off the clan leader, letting out a deep breath as he backtracked to his room which Lily had showed him the night before. But it didn’t stop the feel of phantom breath against his skin like Raphael was behind him following and taunting him.  
He finally reached the room and ran his fingers through his hair as he sunk down onto the bed, some spare clothes sat among the disheveled covers like Lily had left them for him while he was with Raphael. He shook them out as he got to his feet and went to the bathroom to the shower, knowing it was more out of habit than real need. But after the fight the night before he could definitely do with one.

The whole time he was washing his hair and his body he could still feel Raphael’s touch on his sides from the night before, and his mouth against his neck almost like a brand to remind him that he was there and who Simon belonged to. Which was something he had never considered before, any more than the sense of safety and want that flowed through him at the thought that he belonged to Raphael.

He’d just finished in the shower and was dressing in a shirt that seemed to be more expensive than anything he had ever worn before in his life and a pair of skinny jeans that he wasn’t sure hadn’t been stolen from his closet back in his old room when he heard the knock on his door. He looked up to see Lily and Elliot hovering in the doorway, both looking like they were dressed for a night on the town in one of higher class clubs in Manhattan or a date night somewhere.

“Well, well Fledgling don’t you dress up well? I’m sure the boss will appreciate the effort.” Lily teased as he finished tying his shoelaces before getting to his feet.

“If you say so. What’s up?” he asked, toying with his now useless glasses between his fingers, unsure with what to do with them now.

“The boss is downstairs, he asked me to bring you down so he can show you the ropes around here and if there’s one thing you need to know about Raphael he doesn’t like to be kept waiting. Especially when he’s in one of his moods.” Lily grinned, jerking her head at him as her signal to come out the room.

Simon finally settled for putting the glasses aside before making his way out the room, closing the door behind him before following their lead in the direction of the lift he’d been acquainted with the night before. 

Once they reached the foyer Lily and Elliot murmured between the other before she pecked a kiss to the other’s lips, her fingers sliding from between his and leading Simon across the foyer towards a door off the main corridor. Simon hovered as he watched her knock on the door a couple of times in warning before pushing it open to reveal Raphael sitting at his desk which was covered in piles of paperwork that didn’t seem to have a system with a glass of blood on the shelf above so he didn’t spill any on them. The elder vampire looked up at their presence offering Lily a raised eyebrow.

“Just delivering the baby, Raph, Elliot and I are out for the night though Stan and Zeke are hanging around. Still make sure to call us if you need us for anything.” Lily quipped, stepping aside and jerking her head at Simon.

“Sure, be careful, Lily.” Raphael said hoarsely, his gaze flicking over Simon’s face as he picked up his glass from the shelf once his pen was put aside. 

“You know we always are, Raph, later Fledgling.” Lily grinned, ruffling Simon’s hair with a wink before going back the way she came, her heels clicking against the marble floor announcing her departure.

“If you’ll give me a minute to finish off these letters I’ll get you your first feed.” Raphael said, gesturing to a chair with his hand holding his glass before his gaze moved back to the letters in front of him.

“Sure, no problem…” Simon stuttered, making his way into the office and sitting down into the stiff leather chair. 

It gave him the chance to look around the office while the elder vampire worked, not that there was really that much to see. Aside from the desk and chairs, there was little furniture, a lone bookcase in the corner filled with leather bound volumes with the titles in what Simon assumed to be Spanish and the odd shelf not holding books but black and white or fading color photos of occupants. A couple of portraits hung on the bare spaces of wall of people Simon knew must mean something to him, but the landscape over the desk filled with warm colors seemed to demand his attention.

It gave him something to look at and fixate on as well at the scratching of Raphael’s fountain pen against paper and the odd sound of him sipping at his blood before licking what remained from his lips like an after thought. Yet soon he could feel his own need to feed craving at him and thankfully Raphael was done as the fire messages disappeared or he filed them in drawers before downing what remained of his blood as he got to his feet.

“Come on then, follow me.” Raphael said, gesturing with his free hand for Simon to follow him out the door of the office, leaving Simon hurrying to keep up.

“OK so, since you didn’t exactly hang around here as much as possible once you turned we need to go over the basics you need to know. Since you’re a Fledgling you need to be fed three times a day to keep your appetite under control, it lessens with age but is no less important. We keep a steady supply so you don’t need to worry about hunting for a source yourself, that said only me and Lily know the combination and it’s best it stays that way for obvious reasons.” Raphael said, flashing the odd look over his shoulder to make sure Simon was still behind him.

“Yeah, sure. Understandable.” Simon agreed, though Raphael doubted he had any real idea what a fellow vamp would do with the information if it fell into their hands.

“We have clan meetings once a week or once a month if things become too hectic with other business that sees me out of town which is rare but does happen. We also very occasionally have socials with other clans or other members passing through. Nothing you need to worry about but if anyone worries you for whatever reason tell me or Lily and we will sort them out, got it?” Raphael asked, setting his empty glass aside once they reached the foyer before turning to grab a fresh one for Simon from a cabinet.

“How often does that happen?” Simon asked curiously, hovering until Raphael pointed at him to sit on one of the gold couches dotted around.

“Unfortunately a lot more than it used to. With me recently taking over the leadership of the clan there are the odd traditionalist friends of Camille wanting to check I’m a suitable leader or challenging me for it. It’ll die down in the next year or so, once they notice the clan’s allegiance to me isn’t something that just anyone else could take over.” Raphael shrugged, grabbing a goblet which he set on the table in front of Simon before weaving past towards the painting hiding the vault. “Also before I forget, since you a Fledgling you’ll need some training to get acquainted with your new senses and rules.”

Simon’s gaze rested on the goblet in front of him when Raphael cast a warning look at him before punching in the code for the vault. He quickly grabbed A negative for himself and O positive for Simon before closing it behind him and moving back to Simon.

“Can I come and go like the others do? It might help me feel more at home and get better acquainted with the rest of the clan.” Simon asked as Raphael sat on the couch beside him to pick up his glass from the side table.

“Maybe in the future, depending on how things go, but at the moment your safety is my main priority if I don’t want an excuse to be staked by your pet Shadowhunter. So at the moment its best if you just stay put.” Raphael shrugged, offering Simon the O Negative blood pack before ripping his own open.

“She’s not my pet and she’s not just a Shadowhunter, Raphael, she’s also my friend. What if she needs me and you’re not around to ask for permission like some child under curfew?” Simon huffed, taking the blood pack offered to him with reluctance.

“Baby you are a vampire and she is and will always be a Shadowhunter. Your worlds aren’t always going to collide as much as they may have done in the past since they are just that, Shadowhunters.” Raphael sighed, his tone emotionless as he poured the contents of his own blood pack into his glass with a ferocity that caused Simon to frown.

Still the Fledgling toyed with his blood pack between his fingers, looking a little green in a way that Raphael could easily remember as he set his own glass and the empty packet aside before moving to take both from Simon.

“Look I know what it feels like to be repulsed by what you are, as hard as it may seem. Everyone goes through that phrase, but not everyone has a clan to support them through it. I promise this will make it a lot easier for you to slowly accept it.” Raphael reassured, squeezing the contents of Simon’s pack into the goblet and offering it to the other.

Simon took it hesitantly staring at the glass with a look of revulsion that Raphael didn’t know how to ease. Or at least he didn’t think so until the other spoke.

“Isn’t there something you can do to make it taste less you know like blood?” Simon asked taking a hesitant glance at him.

“Of course, but you will have to get used to it without all the enhancements. It’s not something you can live without pure.” Raphael said taking a sip of his own before grabbing Simon’s glass and detouring to a bar to grab a shaker. He added a sprig of mint with some cinnamon and a handful of Colombian coffee grounds to the bottom before securing it to the glass. He shook it a few times until he was sure all the flavor was in the contents, then removed the shaker and set it aside before offering the glass to Simon.

Simon looked hesitant, his gaze lingering on Raphael as he took a hesitant sip, his eyes widening with surprise and relief.

“Um…wow that’s actually not bad.” Simon smiled, as Raphael sat back beside him to grab his own glass.

“Just a recipe I was taught as a Fledgling to get me to eat.” Raphael shrugged, leaning back into the couch as he watched Simon over his glass.

They continued to sip their blood with the odd burst of conversation appearing and disappearing just as quickly, but he knew from the odd glance Simon sent his way that he still had more questions.

“OK I suppose there’s more you want to ask.” Raphael said, Simon licking stray drops of blood from his lips as Raphael put their glasses in the sink to be washed later.

“What’s the deal with that whole ritual we’re doing at the moment?” Simon asked, tilting his head at Raphael as he moved back to the couch.

“It’s a clan thing, something I and every member of our clan submitted to when we first pledged our allegiance to Camille, she did just the same. But it’s not just for our clan alone, all clans go through the same thing. It’s believed during your time either as a Fledgling or new comer to a clan that by submitting to and letting the clan leader feed from you it builds a tangible bond. A demonstration of loyalty, something that can be used to ensure that everyone is safe or be alerted to those that aren’t. For the night children words and alliances don’t mean as much as actions and blood.” Raphael said simply though he knew it was dumbing it down just a little. Especially when there were obviously details Simon wanted to know.

“But that must be exhausting to you, having all those bonds and keeping an eye on everyone…” Simon frowned as Raphael shrugged.

“Not so much, if something is wrong like a member is in distress or hurt then their bond becomes more noticeable, if they die it becomes like a pain I and everyone else shares, if their emotions are particularly strong it’s like a tug in my chest I can’t tangibly feel but know it exists. Otherwise they are just soft murmurs in the background that can be untangled and checked upon almost like a routine every so often. I’ve gotten used to it.” 

“What about mine? What do you feel there?” Simon asked, Raphael rolling his eyes with a smile.

“Yours isn’t complete yet, baby. It’s more like a glowing twinge than anything else. Don’t get me wrong I’d feel if you were in trouble or in pain just not as strongly as everyone else, at least until the ritual is finished anyway.” 

“So what are the consequences if someone betrays their clan or their leader for whatever reason?” Simon asked curiously his gaze rested on his glass.

“Why? Considering betraying me, Fledgling?” Raphael asked raising an eyebrow.

“What? No! Of course not! I’m just curious, especially if Camille is still technically a member of this clan…” Simon hesitated, unable to stop the worry about Camille despite the fact he knew Raphael had dealt with her.

“Oh Camille would rather be ash than perform the ritual with me that’s nothing you need to worry about. Still the consequences of betrayal for a clan member are severe enough that I wouldn’t advise it to anyone. Now if you’re finished with the questions for the moment I think we should get started on your training before the night is out.” Raphael said, tapping his fingers to his elbows as he waited for Simon to get up.

Simon frowned at his evasive answer but got up too, following his lead from the foyer wondering what he could possibly be taught that would be of any use.

XOX

The next few days that followed were filled with what Simon liked to call ‘Being a Vampire 101’ which always made Raphael roll his eyes and shake his head. It ranged from heightening his senses, learning how to move faster without falling over to vampire etiquette for when another clan showed up and much more in between. Raphael gradually learned that in some ways Simon was like a sponge, absorbing everything he was told and able to repeat back but in others that were more physical he was like a kid hyper on sugar, not knowing when to shut up and spent his time more on the floor than doing any exercise he was told to do.

Still all the practice helped him to gradually get over the self hatred he had felt about being a vampire which was helped by the time he didn’t spend training or performing the ritual with Raphael by getting to know other members of the clan. Some were noticeably more welcoming than others which Raphael knew was more to do with his Shadowhunter, meaning they didn’t trust him regardless of him being taken under their leader’s wing. It was the ones that had better experiences with Shadowhunters even the odd couple that had dated them that accepted Simon more freely. 

Honestly Raphael didn’t blame the others for not trusting him and knew if he were still only Camille’s second and made to trust some Fledgling just because Camille wanted him to that he’d feel the exact same way. Still to some degree he had given his word to protect Simon from harm so he would always keep a close eye on all the happenings.

But every time Simon left Raphael after the ritual he’d feel Lily’s gaze on him like she knew he still hadn’t told the Fledgling why his body reacted the way it did to each renewed bite or maybe it was something else entirely. Either way he’d glare at her until she followed Simon for his last feed of the night and only then would he have any sense of peace and quiet.

Still in a strange way the quiet began to become a hindrance than a pleasure over the first week Simon was there, no longer a comfort he craved but an emptiness that left him wondering where the Fledgling was, even if he had often been told. But with Simon’s bond still not completely solidified compared to everyone else’s he supposed it was natural to be anxious until it was. Or at least that was what he tried to tell himself.

The day before the last day of the ritual he got the fire messages he’d been waiting for from the other clan members about the forced alliance with the Shadowhunters, Werewolves, Warlocks and Seelies against Valentine. While he was punctual with his replies they were more laid back so six days for them was actually fast by their standards. Still the news of the clan leaders coming to the hotel to argue about why this was such a bad idea, question his sanity and drag along their vast entourages for show had him groaning, his face in his hands.

This was the last thing he needed on top of training Simon and he was sure Simon was bound to be hit on any number of out of towners that bother him more than he knew it should, not to mention they’d want to watch him perform the last night of the ritual. Admittedly he’d been planning on doing so in front of his own clan in the first place but with their presence it would make it more formal and awkward than it really needed to be.

Like a saving grace he heard Lily’s heels click towards his doorway obviously in tune enough with his less than happy mood to come and save the rest of the clan the wrath from said mood.

“You groaned, Raph?” She asked, tilting her head from the doorway as her body reclined against the frame.

“We’re having some unexpected visitors, Lil.” He sighed offering his second in charge the collection of letters which had her frowning as she pushed herself away from the frame to grab them and read them for herself. Her eyes moved over each letter, until towards the end she was chewing at her bottom lip when she finally met his gaze again.

“At least this way you have the opportunity to demonstrate your worth to them as a leader?” she tried, setting all the letters down on the desk.

“Oh sure, I’m going to love being yelled at by six different clan leaders for agreeing to an alliance on the spot without consulting them first, not to mention neglecting to mention we had a Fledgling that they will want to witness the final bonding of. Sure this is just great!” Raphael snapped while Lily sighed.

“I thought you’d already given Simon the etiquette talk?” she asked watching him rake his nails through his hair.

“I did! That’s not the point! Anyway since they arrive tonight I should check all our best guest rooms are equipped for entourages.” He cursed, pushing himself out his chair once all the letters were pushed into his drawer.

“Raphael…” Lily began though the other seemed to ignore whatever she was about to say and just continued on.

“Whatever you do make sure to keep Simon out the way until the end of the night.” Raphael barked before stalking out the room.

“What about informing the Shadowhunters? You want me to do that?!” Lily called after him a few steps behind.

“Just Magnus’ boy toy! He’s the head after all!” Raphael yelled back before the elevator doors slammed shut behind him and echoed with the sound of his fists connecting with them multiple times in annoyance.


	5. Hearts at War.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Arrival of the other clan leaders and Raphael finds himself continually battling temptation....

Just before 1am that night a portal opened in the vast doorway that acted as an entrance to the main foyer of the Dumort where Raphael has been sitting on one of the gold couches for the past few hours trying to read but unable to concentrate on the words in front of him due to the anxiety sitting uneasily in the pit of his stomach. Still there was a slight reprieve since Lily had dragged Simon along with her to inform the Shadowhunters of the impending influx of vampires before they accidentally killed a certain clan leader and started a war. Not that the thought of Simon with his redhead made him happy, wanting to scratch his own eyes out of his skull was a more accurate description, but if it kept him out the limelight for the time being then it was for the best.

The portal glowed brightly with multiple colours signalling the multiple portals from different locations merging together into the Dumort like tunnels converging together, it made it easier for handle the various different clan members with their other halves and entourages so the foyer didn’t get filled with people. Also made it easier for him to breathe between welcomes.

The first to immerge from the queue was Kitty Merritt, a beautiful vampire with several hundred years on him, which he’d met on his travels from New Mexico to New York after entering the states. They hadn’t been exceptionally close, introduced thanks to Magnus when he realized he needed a vampiric mentor much more than he needed a Warlock, still he’d respected her like she was his surrogate mother. A Mother who had no qualms about cursing him with language that would make his own dear mother god rest her soul pray for forgiveness. Still he had picked up some useful pointers from her about how to run a clan which he’d instilled in his own since he’d taken over from Camille.

“Raphael,” She beamed, reeling him into her with hands on both his cheeks to kiss his forehead and both cheeks before he found himself crushed in a tight hug that seemed intent on squeezing what undead life remained in him.

“Kitty _Ma_ , so good to see you after so long.” He smiled, once she let him go so he could greet the rest of her party. 

Her lover of many years from back then Andre had long since been staked by Circle members which he knew had saddened her more than anything, but from the way her latest second in charge Iwan was looking at her there was obviously something there. He pressed one last kiss to Kitty’s cheek before gesturing for them to speak to Stan who’d been hovering in the doorway to show them to their assigned rooms.

Next to appear through the portal was Giovanni, previously Sicilian, where up until 1963 he’d been a member of the La Barbera family a clan associated with the Sicilian Mafia up until the clan wars had erupted after some disputes between other clans. He’d managed to move to Vegas before the other Clan had caught up with him and made him the next target of their brand of justice. He’d been running a Casino and Hotel on the Strip as a legitimate career front ever since, it often made it easier for him to house and employ all his other Clan members without questions being asked. Though it was supposed to make visits for meetings on Vegas Territory that much more luxurious since that was the kind of life style he was used to, or at least that was what Camille had said. Raphael had always had a feeling the two of them had had a thing way back but had never intended to ask.

“ _Saluti_ Giovanni.” Raphael smiled, shaking the other’s hand while the elder offered a cool smile of disinterest accompanied by a nod.

“ _Ciao_ Raphael. I was surprised to hear that you had taken over the New York Clan, still I’m sure we can discuss this all later?” Giovanni asked, before turning to introduce his third wife Trillare and a couple of heavy set smarty dressed vampires that Raphael didn’t doubt for a second had been bouncers before they’d even been bitten.

“Of course, please follow Stan to your rooms. We’ll be holding a welcome gathering tomorrow at midnight.” Raphael assured as he gestured to Stan who’d just reappeared. 

Next came Leon from the Californian clan, all pomp and movie star glamour. He wasn’t like the others or Raphael himself with years of history and a sad turning story that demanded respect. Just a movie star that had seen an opportunity to be immortal so his career could continue for a few more decades than he’d planned and gone to the clan leader at the time-Jackson. He’d got turned in exchange for something that everyone speculated about, anything from his daughter to his entire fortune but the truth was closely guarded. 

But not long after his first decade, he challenged Jackson for the position of Clan leader and won by a resounding defeat of the other, which had horrified the rest of the clan. Especially since unlike Raphael and the other leaders he had no experience of being a leader let alone any idea of what it really entailed, he’d no clue let alone any sense of family easily spelling the end of the clan as many members disbanded to other clans. It left Leon trying to pick up the pieces, desperate trying to repopulate his clan as legally as was allowed. Most of Leon’s business was conducted through his other half and PA, an ex Hollywood actress from the golden era, Cherie who was stood at Leon’s side flashing Raphael a smile that made him uneasy.

“Leon, Cherie, so good of you both you come.” Raphael smiled, trying not to let the surprise become obvious in his voice. That was another thing about Leon since he’d become clan leader he rarely went to any inter clan meetings, always sending a message of obviously faked apology between Cherie and his Second in Charge Pietro who stood on his other side, none too subtly eyeing Cherie up.

“Raphael, of course.” Leon said, though his face didn’t seem to match the tone in his voice as though he wished he’d managed to get out of this instead of being made to suffer through it. Well that definitely made two of them.

“Please follow Stan, he’ll show you to your rooms for your stay.” Raphael said, gesturing to Stan as the portal glowed with the newest arrivals.

The Washington Clan had always been a family affair for as long as could be remembered, spawned from the Dorchester family from the early eighteenth century when their father got turned by accident when he was dying of yellow fever. But as luck would have it he wasn’t the only one to get life threateningly ill leaving him to turn all his six children around the time of their own near demise. Since then one of them was always a clan leader, hanging around in charge while the others traveled or left, the position was thrown around between them every few years as they found lovers and spouses out of fairness so it was definitely unusual for the four remaining key members to appear together with their other halves and second in charge. Their father and eldest siblings had all died during the last uprising of the circle leaving the remaining members with a deep hatred of Shadowhunters, whether good or bad which Raphael knew wasn’t going to make the meeting easy.

“Esther, Luke, Michaela, Sharn and company. We are truly blessed to have all your presences in one place.” Raphael smiled, shaking each of their hands as they appeared.

“Raphael, my my, still a class A charmer I see.” Sharn flirted fluttering her eyelashes at him as her partner Char nudged her in the back to remind her of her presence.

“We’ll definitely have the time to catch up later, please follow Stan to your rooms.” Raphael assured, ignoring her flirtatious nature as a domestic seemed to take place between the couple as they followed the others towards Stan. 

The Nebraska Clan was relatively new in the grand scheme of Night Children’s society, a few members from Leon’s Clan that had wanted to come to New York but only got so far before deciding to settle. The leader Elma Quadario- Doyle was previously Leon’s second in charge long since taking on the role of leader since he got bored of Leon’s games and his husband Wilbur was accused of betrayal swiftly destroying their bond and killing him by locking him in a room full of curtain free windows at sunrise. Raphael had always got along well with Elma and offered to support him after the Clan splintered. It was the reason they’d been on their way to New York in the first place though secretly Raphael was glad he’d stopped in Nebraska to save him from Camille’s games.

“Elma, so good to see you.” Raphael said, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Raph, so good to finally have an excuse to get to New York despite the circumstances obviously.” Elma smiled, hugging him back just as tightly before the two parted. 

“Ah yes, always the trouble maker so it would seem. But at least Camille isn’t involved this time.” Raphael grinned causing Elma to laugh and nod in acknowledgment.

“Yes I had heard through the grape vine about that, you’ll have to tell me everything when we have a free moment.” Elma asked questioningly.

“Of course, for the moment let Stan show you to your room.” Raphael smiled, gesturing to Stan as Elma and a couple of his clan members moved towards him.

Next was Coralee Halefeather, from the New Orleans’s Clan, one that Raphael had his own personal affiliation with after the few times he’d gone with Kitty to New Orleans while still a Fledgling. Especially during the 1968 Mardi Gras where Camille had got the idea for cocaine tainted blood as her next drug of choice while Magnus had been clinging to her by a thread. Though thankfully his own gaze seemed to have been straying and Raphael and Ragnor had pleaded with him to let her go, encouraging him to move on while Camille did the same.

Coralee had been the owner of a Downworlder club on Bourbon Street, her brother Rhys was a Werewolf after a scuffle with a pack that saw him turned, her boyfriend Ornal was a Seelie from Jackson Square Park and her best friend a three hundred year old Irish Warlock Shamus that had given Magnus the go over every time they entered the room. But Coralee had still been so blissfully Mundane, it had been a breath of fresh air to meet someone with the sight and angel blood but no inclination to follow her path. Not that it stopped the institute from coming to call and using the club as much as Magnus’ boy toy and company did Pandemonium, to keep them in the know about everything Downworlder and fish for hints.

That attitude had changed when a visiting Fledgling from Maine who didn’t have his cravings under control enough to be in a club let alone out in public had attacked her. He hadn’t sucked her dry and everyone was sure after that she was fine, but she got the blood lust after sipping her drink which had been tainted with Mundane blood. Kitty had taken care of her with Raphael while Camille disappeared with Magnus to parts unknown. On top of Magnus’ help in the beginning, Kitty’s tips were what he relied on heavily now for Simon. 

There hadn’t been a clan in the Deep South until Coralee was turned but since it had been gradually growing; wayward vampires that got turned in their own states but relocated for their family’s safety had come to her, leaving her the home to those that needed someone who understood and could be relied on.

“And there she is, Coralee.” Raphael grinned, the shorter girl practically throwing herself into his arms and hugging him tightly with her arms curled around his neck for leverage.

“Rapha!” she beamed, kissing his cheek with a loud smack.

“What’s it been? Twenty years maybe more?” Raphael asked, pecking her forehead.

“Try thirty five! You’re getting forgetful in your old age.” Coralee teased as he set her back on her feet.

“How’s Rhys and Ornal?” he asked with a smile.

“Rhys is good, he’s pack Alpha now with a mate and a kid everything he ever wanted. Ornal is finally a Seelie queen favourite though I rarely get to see him as he’s always up here but at least things are finally confirmed as serious.” Coralee smiled, offering her hand which a ring made up of two golden leaves with a small rose in the centre and a diamond embedded in the middle of the flower.

“Wow, would you look at that! I didn’t know Seelies could do serious, especially with a vampire.” Raphael smiled, tilting her hand a little so the jewel sparkled in the light.

“Believe me I was just as shocked. Almost said no because I was sure he was kidding, I still can’t believe it.” Coralee smiled, fidgeting with the ring with her thumb.

“We’ll definitely have to catch up more around these meetings, just follow Stan to your room and I’ll see you tomorrow.” Raphael said, pecking a kiss to her cheek and forehead before spinning her around by their intertwined hands before directing her and her second in charge Pip towards Stan.

Last to arrive was Tawney Milo, from the Chicago Clan. Unfortunately he was well known for being late so it wasn’t much of a shock but it was a pain when the night was drawing on and Raphael was on the verge of desperately needed to sleep as the sun started to edge above the horizon. Soon enough he appeared with someone else that caused Raphael to stiffen as he hadn’t expected it, thinking it was just a US clan matter but someone obviously thought otherwise and by the way Tawney was chatting with her incessantly he guessed it was him.

There beside him was the London clan leader, Jasmine Shier, it had been some time since he’d set eyes on her but from the firm line of her mouth she was obviously wasn’t happy at being left out, brilliant. Just what he needed to piss off one of Camille’s best friends unintentionally when trying to win her over.

“Tawney and…Jasmine this is definitely a pleasant surprise.” Raphael said, keeping a polite smile on his lips without missing a beat.

“Raphael.” Tawney drawled, his tone still bordering on the edge of formal in a way that made Raphael want to strangle his scrawny neck.

“Raphael, I’ve been drafted in on behalf of the European clans to over see this meeting. I trust this won’t be a problem?” Jasmine asked, raising an eyebrow as though silently daring him to say that it was.

“No of course not. Please follow Stan to your room, Tawney, while I go check on our best room for you, of course, Jasmine.” Raphael reassured without any inclination to the contrary.

The other colours around the portal finally stopped so it was just the usual void of glowing purple in front of him that quickly retreated back like a zip into a nothing less void like it had never existed. Raphael’s smile fell as he made his way up the stairs while Jasmine reclined on the couch to wait for him, looking at his book with interest. Why did he have a gut feeling that this meeting was going to go worse than he could have ever imagined?

XOX

Once everyone else had been settled in with blood delivered for the other clan leaders for the night, Raphael collapsed on to his bed, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands as he tried to make himself get up so he could change for bed when he heard the knock at the door he’d been subconsciously waiting for since he hadn’t seen Simon for the Ritual before Lily had taken him to see the Shadowhunters.

“Come in.” He called out wearily, reluctantly pushing himself upright against the headboard to see the door open revealing said Fledgling rubbing at the bite as he closed the door behind him.

“ _Dios_ Simon what have I told you? Don’t rub it…just come sit down.” Raphael sighed swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress as Simon flopped down on it.

Once he was seated, Raphael brushed the other’s shirt and hand out the way softly brushing his lips soothingly against the patch of agitated skin a couple of times hearing Simon let out a deep sigh of relief as though the touch was the thing that always seemed to quell the bond’s need for the next bite.

“Better?” Raphael asked, pressing his lips absentmindedly against the bite again, ignoring the craving lurking in the back of his mind to taste the Fledgling’s blood or the niggling feeling that wanted to know what that saltiness of his sweat tasted like. 

“Much, how much longer do we need to do this again?” Simon murmured hazily, bearing the side of his neck to Raphael as the elder vampire continued to brush his lips against the spot before parting them to swipe the tip of his tongue against the bite tracing the edge possessively. 

“Now and a couple more times tomorrow then we won’t need to again baby.” Raphael murmured, stretching Simon’s shirt collar over his shoulder to hold it in place, brushing his fingers against Simon’s skin as he licked the spot a couple more times before his fangs finally dropped.

“Really? Just a week? I thought it would take a month at least for something like that to catch.” Simon asked, tensing in a way that made Raphael frown as he nipped at Simon’s neck in a silent reminder to relax that had Simon shuddering before all the tension seemed to seep away.

“You’d be surprised how quickly a bond catches on…It’s normally a fortnight tops if you do it once a night but I sped up the process by making it twice for the past week in case your Shadowhunter tried to talk you out of staying with the clan.” Raphael said, guiding Simon’s head at a better angle, grazing the end of his fangs against the tendon, watching the Fledgling swallow in a knee jerk reaction before biting hard into the skin.

Simon’s lips parted in a silent groan that caused his whole body to shudder, his hands resting on Raphael’s hips like he was trying to pull him physically closer though the elder tried not to think about what that might actually mean too much as the sugary sweetness of Simon’s blood filled his mouth, the taste growing a little pungent like it often did the longer you became a Fledgling, but it still felt like the texture of liquid sugar crackling on his tongue.

He soon pulled back, letting his gaze linger over Simon’s features, straying on his parted lips and closed eyes, on the fact Simon’s own fangs seemed to have sprung as an automatic reaction to Raphael’s stimulation, his grip on Raphael tightening in a way that screamed he didn’t want to let him go. And though Raphael would have loved nothing more than to fulfill their combined cravings by catching Simon’s lips with his own and pulled him closer so there was nothing separating them he knew it was a step too far that they couldn’t have. Instead leaving him to break the moment.

“Baby you need to let go.” Raphael managed to make himself say, his voice soft and more of a croon than the demand that he had intended for it to be.

“What?” Simon murmured dreamily even as his eyes sprung open and he stiffened, swiftly removing his hands from Raphael’s hips like he’d been burned as the elder vampire soothingly licked his wounds to clean them of remaining blood and heal the wound before easing the t-shirt back into place, though the neckline was now a little more stretched than it had been before.

“Go get some sleep Simon. Come see me bright and early, I need to perform the ritual before I see the others.” Raphael said, watching Simon lick his lips as he slid off the bed and walk back towards the door.

“Sure, sure no problem, ‘night, Raphael.” Simon stuttered, one hand behind him rattling the door handle as he tried to open it but not get anywhere.

Raphael ended up opening the door for him and watching him hurry despite the way his body sagged with blood loss down the hall towards his own room, leaving him wondering how the hell he was supposed to keep Simon safe from the strange vampires. He sighed as he turned his back to the closed door, dreading the next night’s meeting as he finally got ready for bed.

XOX

Raphael woke earlier than normal, just after the sun had sunk below the horizon with his gaze rested on the ceiling in the darkened room. He really wasn’t looking forward to the meeting in the slightest, because no matter how close he was to some of his fellow leaders, with the exception of Coralee and maybe Kitty, there was no way there wasn’t going to be a large vigorous debate shrouded in an argument. The content mostly of how Werewolves couldn’t be trusted no matter who was the alpha in charge was of whichever clan, how flighty Seelies could be as had been demonstrated with the last uprising or now high and mighty Shadowhunters were and would easily break alliances at the drop of a hat if it suited them.

He’d never exactly been the best kind of diplomat even when he’d been Camille’s second for this kind of thing, he was often the one sat in the back of meetings and conferences that made notes and only let his opinion be known through silently raised hands or ballots when it was called for. But never the one to try and convince others that his actions had been for the right reasons. It was so much easier to handle his clan’s own business than it was the bigger picture.

He finally pushed himself up from the bed to shower and dress before Simon turned up for his ritual of the early evening, trying to figure out how he could keep Simon’s situation from being involved in the proceedings let alone the Fledgling himself being subjected to the attention of so many other vampires that would use him as a bargaining chip at the drop of a hat. Especially when he was barely completely comfortable about those clan members he did know, let alone others.

He stood under the spray of water, barely able to feel the heat of the spray through the chill of his skin but it did help him to feel more in control and submerge into his professional state of mind. He barely lingered there longer than washing his hair and his body, before turning off the faucet. He’d just put a towel around his waist and was using another to dry his hair when he heard the knock at the door which caused him to stiffen.

He didn’t like being barely dressed in front of other clan members with the exception of Lily and maybe Stan, the visible scars of Camille’s actions still sitting on his skin like a twisted painting with his skin as the canvas. Unfortunately if he wanted to feed, dress and get everything else ready for the others it would have to do.

“I’m coming hold on!” He called out at the knocking started up again at his lack of reply as he let the towel for his hair rest around his neck obscuring a few of the worst bites on his shoulders as he made his way towards the door. He opened the door to sight of Simon’s gaze on the floor uneasily as he rubbed at the bite though once he looked up his gaze went wide at the sight of him barely dressed.

“Raph….Raphael? I can always come back later….” Simon squeaked, gesturing over his shoulder to leave while the elder vampire rolled his eyes, tugged the Fledgling in by his arm and closed the door behind him.

“Take a seat baby, I’ll be just a minute.” Raphael said, continuing to rub his hair dry as he watched Simon move towards the bed only stopping to throw the towel aside once Simon was sat with his gaze still fixated on Raphael’s barely dressed torso. Something that Raphael tried to ignore and appear unaffected by as he sat beside him and grazed his finger tips to the side of Simon’s neck.

“Has it been itching yet?” Raphael asked softly, watching Simon lick his lips even as he kept looking at him out the corner of his eye.

“Nope…not yet. Mostly just tingling a little.” He croaked hoarsely, tilting his head to the side as Raphael moved closer, pressing a soft soothing kiss to the bite that caused a few lingering drops of water to fall from his hair to Simon’s skin.

“Better than itching though right?” Simon murmured breathlessly, unable to stop talking in a situation he didn’t know how to handle which Raphael was more than used to.

“Um hm…” Raphael murmured in agreement, brushing the tip of his tongue against the barely healed indentations from the night before which pulled a shudder from Simon’s body, his fingers curled around the edge of the mattress and Raphael’s duvet like he was trying to restrain himself. His eyes flickered closed at the suction as Raphael’s mouth teased at the tendon of his neck, his body arching as the ends of his fangs found the indents and pricked deep into the skin.

Simon’s lips parted like before like it was an instinct he could never fight, the red raw skin of his lips catching Raphael’s attention even as he tried to keep his mind on the task at hand, after all it wouldn’t take too much to accidentally take more than was necessary and he didn’t need that on his conscience on top of everything else. Raphael rubbed his bottom lip soothingly against Simon’s skin when he heard a whimper from the other’s mouth unable to tell if it was from pleasure or pain but it seemed to ignite a deep craving in his body to hear the sound again.

That seemed to be the limit he could take for the moment as he pulled back, hearing Simon groan in objection which was just as addictive as the whimper if not more so, Simon’s eyes dilated and fangs peeking from between his lips, looking at Raphael like he was something he needed to consume more than anything else. Raphael’s own gaze lingered on Simon’s lips, the urge to capture them and know what they tasted like from the night before coming back to nag at him. But thankfully they were interrupted before either could move by the banging on the door pulling them back to the reality where Simon was only with the clan because of his Shadowhunter and Raphael had responsibilities to handle. Still he was sure that if he could Simon would be blushing bright red and his own pulse racing with the beauty of the Mundane.

“Raphael! We’re gonna need to start serving up soon unless you want to be trapped in a meeting with some rather pissed off leaders?!” Lilly called out as Raphael made himself get off the bed to give him and Simon some distance as he grabbed a shirt from his closet.

“Yeah, yeah, give me a minute, Lily, I just need to finish getting dressed.” He called back, Simon still sat there frozen.

“Two minutes and I’m coming no matter what you are or aren’t wearing!” Lily countered, the click of her long manicured nails against the door’s wooden exterior spelling her impatience of the night.

“Wait there’s other leaders here?” Simon asked as Raphael buttoned his shirt cuffs with cuff links once his shirt was done up finally obscuring his torso from Simon’s gaze.

“ _Yes_ , they arrived last night.” Raphael replied, fidgeting with his left cuff link as he made his way to his closet to decide what suit to wear.

“But why? I thought you were the big boss around here…” Simon frowned.

“Around here sure, in the grand scheme of things I’m just another chess piece but the reason they are here is because I didn’t have complete authority to agree to that alliance your little Shadowhunter was so adamant on having. They aren’t about to accept it without putting up a fight and considering the head of the London Clan is here on behalf of the European branches I hardly doubt this is just a formality some how.” Raphael snarked as he reached for some boxers and the slacks of the suit he decided on to put on under the towel.

“You should have said something! I mean surely Clary and the others could mention the conditions….” Simon began.

Raphael snarled immediately silencing the Fledgling’s rambling about the Shadowhunters because he still didn’t understand how things worked or else he never would have brought it up.

“I only found out a couple of days ago and Magnus’ pet is aware. But that is the end to which they have any involvement you hear me?” he exclaimed when Simon opened his mouth obviously wanting to get Clary involved in something she had no clue around, it would only do more harm than good anyway. “I mean it Simon! This is Night children’s business, nothing to do with Shadowhunters anymore than absolutely necessary.” 

Simon bit his lip but nodded in agreement as he finally got up from the bed, his fangs receding almost as though part of him remember the reason he was here to begin with was because of said redhead. Like Raphael could ever forget that fact even if he tried.

“I’m coming in in thirty seconds Raph!” Lily called out interrupting the silence that had fallen over the room.

“Look Simon, just be careful with all the other clan’s members. You’ll be seen as a commodity, since Fledglings are pretty rare, worth fighting for so stay close to our own clan members and give the others a wide berth no matter what they say or what they do.” Raphael said, throwing his towel aside and reaching for his blazer just as the door opened.

“Baby?” Lily asked, giving Raphael a look that he firmly ignored.

“He was just here to handle his bond, look I still need to do my hair, take Simon down to the vault and I’ll be there in a bit.” Raphael said, turning to his mirror, his gaze rested on Simon’s reflection.

“Sure, come on Baby…” Lily smiled wrapping a steadying arm around Simon’s waist as he began to sag when the blood loss took hold which had only been subdued by their conversation.

Still it didn’t stop Raphael watching the two make their way out the room, one leaning heavily against the other, trying not to over analyse the twinge in his chest that still remained from the near miss of him and Simon. Of how close he’d become to complicating things more than they already were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ma - Mum  
> Saluti - Greetings  
> Ciao - Hello  
> Dios - God


	6. So kiss me on the mouth and set me free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The outcome of the meeting brings with it the end of the ritual and a surprising twist that no-one saw coming...

As expected the meeting was a disaster from beginning to end, no matter what Raphael said it didn’t seem to satisfy Jasmine who was constantly questioning things or Tawney albeit the former was the more important of the two. Coralee, Kitty, Elma and Sharn had all listened closely to his reasons and asked a few questions between them for clarification but mostly seem content with the situation. The rest of the Dorchesters had issues with working with Shadowhunters for obvious reasons, Leon and Giovanni never got along well with anyone outside their own species despite the accords so that brought up old issues that had supposedly been long since put to rest, but obviously weren’t. Overall it had Raphael wanting to bang his head against the table until they managed to work their decisions out without bringing up the past.

By the time the meeting finally ended, there still wasn’t a completely general consensus. Some were still up in arms and wanted to tell the Shadowhunters in question where to shove it, Jasmine was fixated on speaking to them to renegotiated some terms which Raphael knew would happen over their ashes but thankfully Sharn had spoken to her siblings during a recess which seemed to tip the scales in their favour even if Tawney seemed disgruntled as hell, but Jasmine seemed to accept it for what it was, that the majority had spoken.

Raphael had never been so glad to leave that room in his whole life, his hair probably a gel tangled mess but at least he could go to his bed that night without having to worry about that, or at least that was the plan until he heard Lily call out to him, pulling Simon along by the wrist. It so happened that that moment was the one the others chose to file out clutching their blood and champagne cocktails that had been made in celebration. Raphael could feel their collective gazes flicking between him and Simon questioningly before one of them spoke.

“I didn’t know you had a new Fledgling, Raphael…” Tawney said behind his glass as his gaze moved over Simon with barely concealed interest.

“That’s because _I_ don’t. He’s unfortunately Camille’s latest so called gift to the night children. I’ve been performing the bonding ritual with him in her stead since I am the Clan’s leader now.” Raphael corrected, his gaze on Simon who was whimpering with discomfort which was preferable to scratching the bite bloody at that moment.

“Well don’t let us stop you, Raphael.” Coralee smiled, obviously someone had been whispering in her ear about things she didn’t understand where he and Simon were concerned.

“Yeah, of course. Baby, come here.” Raphael murmured, hushing him softly as Simon looked at him imploringly as he tilted his head to the side. He vaguely heard the murmurs of appreciation at the act of Submission from the others, but ignored them in favour of keeping his attention on Simon, grazing his nose against the curve of his neck soothingly, pecking comforting kisses to the bite out the view of their gaze.

“It’s OK, Simon, just ignore them. It’s just me and you in my room like this evening.” He whispered softly which seemed to help erase the tension from Simon’s body. “Just close your eyes and focus on me baby.”

Raphael pressed a few more kisses to his neck before easing his tongue from his lips to trace the previous bite possessively as his fangs dropped. He rested his hands on Simon’s side to make sure he kept his balance before sinking his fangs smoothly into the scared tissue.

Simon’s eyes fluttered closed beautifully, his lips parted and unneeded breath leaving his lips. Raphael watched him carefully as his fangs sunk in a little deeper, knowing he needed to complete the bond by Simon biting him. It was a feat he’d been worrying about when Simon was still struggling with the concept of draining someone, let alone actually biting someone, but it needed to be done.

“Baby, bite me,” He murmured as he pulled away to watch Simon’s sweet blood spill down his neck teasingly.

“Raphael…” Simon breathed, his eyes opening as he looked at him questioningly as though sure he hadn’t heard him right.

“Baby… _please_.” Raphael whispered, meeting Simon’s gaze reassuringly. It was nothing to do with their current audience as to why he was suddenly pushing and everything to do with the ache deep inside to complete the bond by ensuring the sibling bond between him and Simon was just as strong, and also selfishly, though he would never admit it, to assure himself Simon was his.

He watched Simon swallow uneasily but nod, parting his lips to reveal his fangs as Raphael bared his own neck to the Fledgling and letting out a breath as he felt Simon’s breath grazing against the skin of his neck. Simon seemed to follow his own routine as the few hesitant kisses to his neck caught of him off guard, at first trying to fixate on what part of skin would be best, though when he reached the part where Louis had drained him all those years ago unintentionally he seemed satisfied. The sensitivity of the skin causing chills over Raphael’s skin which increased when Simon’s tongue brushed the skin.

Raphael’s eyes closed as he felt Simon’s fangs scrap against the skin before finally sinking in, leaving him only just managing to restrain the groan that wanted to break free. Simon’s tongue teasing at the skin around the bite making it so much more intimate than it needed, yet, possibly should be. Slowly Simon eased back after licking up remaining blood from the bite to help it heal, Raphael was about to let him go and step back when he felt Simon’s hand on his cheek stilling him as he leaned in.

Raphael swallowed at the sight of Simon’s bloody lips taunting him with the need to taste, the urge to step back urging him, but soon he found himself leaning in willingly to meet him. The kiss was filthy in every meaning of the word, filling with the rich taste of Raphael’s own blood combining with Simon’s sugary blood as their tongues danced and painted in the others mouths, Simon’s arms curling around his neck to deepen it while Raphael pulled back to meet his gaze reluctantly, his heart both twinging and breaking at the same time as the words breathlessly left his lips.

“ _Dios_ Simon…What did you just do?”

“What? Well I….I mean I thought I….” Simon stuttered as Raphael wiped remaining blood from the corner of his lips and took another shaky step back to completely part them.

“No, Simon, no. Lily, deal with him I have paperwork to handle from the meeting.” Raphael ground out even as his head still swum with the intensity of the best kiss of his life, ignoring the other clan leaders even if Coralee, Kitty and Elma looked at him like they knew the conflict he was fighting with himself.

“Raphael…” Lily looked about to object but Raphael couldn’t be there, not with temptation standing in front of him in the form of _another_ Fledgling. He couldn’t go through what happened with Theo again, he was sure if he lost Simon the same way it would kill him.

“No, good night everyone.” He called over his shoulder as he made himself walk towards the lift, the ache in his chest from the newly created bond getting bigger with the more footsteps that separated them and Simon’s gaze burning into his back.

XO

Simon watched Raphael leave in the direction of the lift, hearing the other clan leaders chatting amongst themselves behind him vaguely, but it all seemed so surreal. He’d never intended to kiss Raphael in that moment, but the bite had been so intense that there hadn’t been time to examine the urge let alone really answer the question ‘ _why not_?’ before he was acting. He knew to some degree Raphael must have wanted it otherwise he wouldn’t have reciprocated as he did, just plainly pushed him away. It did have him wondering why he reacted the way he did. He just wished the ritual wasn’t over so he could have the chance to ask instead of being left in this state of uncertainty.

“Come on Baby…” Lily sighed, an arm around his waist as she and Elliot helped weave through the crowd of other vampires, the couple waiting until they were in the privacy of the stairwell before turning to look at Simon.

“So, you want the boss huh, Simon?” Elliot asked as Lily glared at him suspiciously.

“I…I don’t know. I didn’t even know I liked a guy, let alone someone as out of my league as Raphael.” Simon sighed, following them up the stairs a few steps behind.

“So then what the hell was that?!” Lily asked, gesturing at the door listlessly.

“I don’t know OK?! Instinct? It just felt like the right thing to do at that moment and, despite how he acted, he did kiss me back.” Simon said looking at the two imploringly who looked between each other before Lily sighed.

“Look, Raphael’s love life has never been the most simple either by human or vampire standards. To begin with, he was brought up in a time where being Gay, Bi, Pan, basically anything where the possibility of being with someone of the same sex was frowned upon. He never really got over that and whatever he did feel he repressed very heavily, especially when he fell in love with one of his childhood friends who got turned the same time as him, but he killed out of mercy. He hadn’t let himself get close to anyone since then until Theo.” Lily explained, Elliot’s hand squeezing her own reassuring.

“Who was Theo?” Simon asked, looking at the couple uncertainly because he wasn’t sure he was going to like the answer that he got.

“Theo was exactly like you Simon, he was one of Camille’s former Fledglings.” Elliot said simply, though the words still caused the Fledgling to grimace.

“She toyed, teased and abused the both of them not long after Raphael first came to the New York Clan. It was a messy time filled with cocaine tainted blood on tap, Mundanes used like happy meals and both Theo and Raphael were caught in the cross fire.” Lily said, her voice filled with less exasperation and more sadness.

“So what happened between them?” Simon asked, hovering in the gap between steps causing the two to turn back to look at him.

“Honestly? No-one else really knows. It was just the three of them alone in the Dumort that night, but once we got back Theo was gone, never to be seen again, Raphael was more stoic than normal especially around Camille, while she would smirk at him as though she had something over him.” Lily sighed, resting her forehead against Elliot’s shoulder.

“But if there’s one thing that was common knowledge about Camille was that the thought of any of her ‘toys’ leaving is something she never could stand and that was exactly what Theo was to her.” Elliot supplied.

“So you think Raphael never got over the loss and added it to a whole other layer of repression?” Simon asked with a frown.

“It’s the only possible explanation baby, I don’t doubt for a second that Raph feels something for you, he just doesn’t know how to process or act on it. Just don’t give up on him.” Lily said softly, pulling Elliot with her past Simon leaving the Fledgling standing there as his thoughts took him over.

Simon offered the two a small smile of acknowledgment, but he knew until he could speak to Raphael himself that wasn’t going to offer little if any comfort. 

But any opportunity to see Raphael never came, each evening spent knocking on his door for his nightly feed either his room or office would go ignored, his training was taken over by Elliot and Stan and each time he’d ask Lily for the possibility to speak to him she’d grimace as though she’d been told to keep out of it before changing the subject. It didn’t really help that to begin with the leaders of the other clans were hanging around a bit longer for a long over due catch up amongst themselves. Raphael was often with them though Simon knew it was mostly an excuse he was using to keep his distance from him.

He had kept Raphael’s words about keeping his distance from the other clan vampires, often in his room or escorted places by Lily, Elliot or Stan. But the less time he spent with Raphael the more he knew he needed to see Clary, if only so he could try and figure out what he was feeling, maybe she’ll have an idea on how to corner him that hopefully wouldn’t involve a seraph blade. But he knew just turning up at the institute was out of the question, not to mention despite the alliance Raphael tried to steer well clear of the Shadowhunters. Still he texted Clary to meet him outside Pandemonium, neutral ground, before he went to sleep to give her time to text him during the day.

But as he laid in his bed with his gaze on the ceiling as the daylight tried to peek in through the black out curtains his mind fixated on Raphael, on the few glimpses of him around the hotel with a small group of certain leaders around him or how his gaze rested on whatever blood based beverage was set in his hand, his eyes filled with conflict and mind not really on what was being said around him. Of how the odd leader would murmur something in his ear that would have him shaking his head. 

How the taste of their combined sugary and rich blood was the perfect combination in his mouth that lingered on his taste buds and made him crave more. How the vague sense of Raphael’s mouth on his neck seemed to have faded as the ritual was completed, leaving him a state of loss he didn’t understand. He started to ask Lily about it, but even with the knowing look on her face she refused to say anything which annoyed him.

“Just tell me what the fuck I’m missing Lily! I feel like a part of myself is gone and I don’t even know why!” Simon groaned, burying his face in his hands as Lily sat beside him with his second glass of blood for the day, the other vampire long since becoming his feed buddy since that night.

“Baby it’s not my place to tell OK? I would if I could, trust me, but the boss would cut me off.” Lily said, pushing his glass at him.

“Raphael? Is this a common side effect of the ritual or….?” Simon asked, watching her purse her lips but shake her head in denial.

“So not common…but it does happen?” he prompted.

“Simon I can’t. Just know this doesn’t just affect you OK? He’s pretty miserable too…worse than with Theo and that was pretty bad.” Lily sighed swirling his bloody concoction at him tauntingly.

“Then let me speak to him so we can both stop suffering!” Simon begged.

“Like I said I can’t. Just drink your blood and go meet Stan for training.” Lily pushed, obviously growing tired of the topic at hand.

“But I was going to…” Simon objected only to be cut off.

“Baby you can’t leave right now, especially if your intention is to tell a certain redheaded Shadowhunter about our business and our rituals. She won’t understand them, will call them barbaric and try to separate you from us, from Raphael. It’ll crush you and Raphael’s bond and not to mention your loyalty to us. It would hurt him twice as much and I know you aren’t the kind of guy who wants that on your conscience with the way you obviously feel about him.” Lily said pointedly pushing the glass into his hand.

“No I guess not but…” Simon sighed, the thought of making things worse by sneaking off to see Clary immediately putting a dampener on his night’s plans.

“Then drink up and see Stan, I’ll see if I can talk Raphael around _again_ , but I wouldn’t hold your breath in a coffin right now.” Lily said, getting up from the couch and leaving him in the foyer with a couple of clan members watching him carefully.

Reluctantly he downed it, the lack of richness from Raphael’s blood scratching at the back of his throat as he stared at the empty glass before getting up to meet Stan, though deep in the back of his mind he missed Raphael being the one slamming him into walls and bruising his skin with punches, the sound of him berating him in Spanish for not being careful. It made him all the more fixated on finding someway to speak to him.


	7. I'm pulling on your heart to push my luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael refuses to listen to reason from his friends while Simon goes in search of his own and ends up intertwined in something he doesn't want to be a part of....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just a warning that my characterization of Clary isn't a particularly nice one and I apologize to those who love her. I had to come up with a way for Simon to betray Raphael still and this was the only way :/ Don't worry she does redeem herself in later chapters so all is not lost!!

Raphael hadn’t stopped feeling Simon’s constant presence around him since that night, partly because of the bond thrumming away in the back of his mind and partly because of all those questions he knew the Fledgling had about the bond that he had never got an answer to. But since that kiss he’d made sure to rearrange every part of Simon’s schedule so he didn’t have to see him and endure the constant questions and inner turmoil regarding his own feelings for the Fledgling. 

Feelings that he’d been keeping locked away under lock and key since Theo for a reason though his traitorous heart seemed to refuse to play ball, leaving him to separate them and putting more undue stress on the newest clan bond that he possessed.

He was definitely thankful for his friends from the others clans deciding to stick around when the others left so he had a real reason to keep him and Simon apart. The downside to that was that they were just that, his friends and obviously they knew him more than he thought they did as they paid attention to him kissing Simon back. They knew him well enough to see there was something between them which he was trying to avoid when they attempted to pry.

Especially Coralee and Kitty, both giving him knowing looks over bloody cocktails as his mind drifted against his will from the conversation at hand to thoughts of the Fledgling. Coralee was often the one to drag him to the bar to make the next round in the hopes of talking some sense into him that he long since stopped paying attention to.

“Raph, I know what happened to Theo has hurt you, but surely it doesn’t justify you hurting the both of you by keeping your distance like this. “ She sighed from where she was leaning against the edge of the bar beside him while he made some fresh bloody martinis, the most well known cocktail recipe he knew thanks to Magnus.

“Why not? You know as well as I do, the moment that I dare to let him in completely let alone give us both what I want will be that moment that everything goes to hell. Because it always does. And maybe this time there will be no coming back from that. Not to mention I don’t think I’d be able to survive losing someone again.” Raphael said, his gaze rested on what he was doing instead of on his friend, knowing if he let the magnitude of his feelings for Simon come to the surface that she would easily persuade him to at least give it a shot.

“But if you don’t give him a chance you’ll never know and taunt yourself with what could have been. Though I have a feeling it’s not just because of your bad previous experiences with love that is the real reason for your distance from him. So what is it? Tell me.” Coralee asked, taking the cocktail that he offered her from him.

“Let’s just say he has a pet Shadowhunter that I know for a fact he feels something more than friendship for. A Shadowhunter I know I could never compete with, which is why it makes perfect sense to just surrender instead.” Raphael sighed, watching Coralee roll her grey eyes at him from behind her glass, nudging him with her shoulder when he felt someone from his clan come into the room.

“Raphael, can I speak to you about something?” Lily’s voice came from behind him causing him to cast her a glare over Coralee’s shoulder. 

“If the subject at hand is what I think is I’m pretty sure I told you it’s none of your business.” Raphael said coolly, turning to add another shot of Gin to his own cocktail since he felt like he could definitely use it.

“Raph, hear the girl out before you give her the Clan leader treatment. She spends more time with him than you do at the moment maybe she can talk you out of using the Fledgling’s Shadowhunter as an excuse to not give him the chance he deserves?” Coralee said, widening her eyes at Lily, “I’m going back to the others, so don’t take too long with their next drinks.”

Raphael kept his attention on the task at hand as he and Lily waited until the other was out of earshot before speaking.

“That Shadowhunter is the real reason you won’t give him a shot?! Really? What are you twelve Raphael? He wouldn’t have kissed you if he was interested in her.” Lily glared.

“I’m fairly certain I told you to drop this.” Raphael repeated, his tone filled with warning with a deadly tinge that usually had the other members running away. Well everyone but Lily obviously.

“And just when the hell have I ever listened to you exactly? Raphael, he just wants to talk to you maybe ask you questions about the bond which I can’t even begin to answer, and maybe possibly ask you out for some reason, which is beyond me.” Lily sighed, sinking on to the stool next to him as he finished making the cocktails for the rest of the Clan Leaders.

“Yes, because he can’t be around her! I’m his second choice just like I always seem to be everyone else’s. Besides I’m sure he only kissed me as a joke in front of the other clan leaders to embarrass me.” Raphael sighed, setting the bottles back in their places to avoid meeting her gaze.

“You know that isn’t the least bit true. You know what the feeling of feeding on another vampire let alone another person can do to a Fledgling. It releases endorphins as well as inhibitions, making it easier to act on feelings that already exist instead of creating them out of thin air. He deserves to know why you both feel so miserable despite this bond being in place. Why he craves the taste of your blood more than any other that our vault holds and why the hell you’re avoiding him like the plague. Elliot and I told him about Theo that night so to a degree he understands, but he doesn’t know everything which he deserves to.” Lily said, trying to be diplomatic but freezing up when she realised what she’d just said.

“You had no right telling him about Theo.” Raphael snarled, his fingers clenching around a glass he was holding until it shattered in a million pieces as Lily bit her lip, obviously realizing she’d gone too far.

“Raph…” Lily tried to explain, but was quickly cut off.

“No! It’s my business, no-one else’s! If I wanted him to know I would have told him myself when the time was right.” Raphael yelled, brushing the glass shards off his palm as he ignored the blood spilling from the skin.

“Yeah, and when the hell would that be? Raphael, face it, you’re scared of getting hurt and that’s understandable, but denying yourself the opportunity to experience any kind of happiness because of that fear isn’t. You deserve to be happy as much as he does, everyone thinks so.” Lily said, moving to rest a hand on his arm only for him to brush it off. 

“My love life or lack thereof isn’t everybody’s business, Lily, now please drop it. Or at least go check if he hasn’t run off to see her.” Raphael glared.

“And this is exactly another reason why you should be stopping this, Raph, if you are truly that worried about him being with her than don’t give him any reason to be around her, you know he’ll only go to her for advice.” Lily sighed, crossing her arms over her chest as she slowly walked back towards the doorway.

“If he doesn’t understand the importance of our bond or uses it as an excuse to see her again then so be it. It only shows how little I obviously mean to him.” Raphael shrugged, like the thought didn’t make his dead heart shatter into a thousand pieces like the glass sitting on the bar.

“It would be so much easier to prevent if you’d just talk to him and tell him what he needs to know.” Lily pleaded. 

“No. Now drop it, Lily, I won’t ask again. I need to take these cocktails to the others before Elma comes looking for me.” Raphael ground out, picking up the tray of blood filled glasses and weaving past her out the room before she could say another word.

It didn’t stop him from feeling her gaze following him, but he quickly walked out her view, trying to keep his resolve even though the part of him that craved to so much as be in Simon’s presence and hear his voice nagged at the back of his mind screaming that he was making a costly mistake which would easily be the root of so many approaching problems. He just hoped he was wrong.

XOX

After his practise with Stan and his third feed for the night since Lily seemed to be, as promised, trying to get Raphael to speak to him. He texted Clary to make sure they were still on for meeting at Pandemonium and was out the door once he got her reply before anyone from the clan could spot him. Yet the further he got from the hotel the more he could feel something like an elastic band being pulled tight in his chest, his clan bond with Raphael which seemed to be getting tighter and tighter the further away he got. It was a pain he’d never felt before and he cursed himself for being part of the reason that the new bond was being put so cruelly to the test so soon.

He soon stopped outside Pandemonium amongst the late night crowd queuing to get in to see Clary stood in the alley in the shadows easily merging in with her Shadowhunter black gear, her hair in a long red ponytail and her visible skin covered in more fresh runes that he couldn’t even begin to understand the significance of. But the smile on her face when she spotted him and how she pulled him into a tight hug once he was in her space, the kind that he’d been engulfed in so many times before, put him at ease. Even if the bond seemed to have drawn so tight it felt like it was fraying at the seams.

“Simon! I was so worried about you when I didn’t hear from you this week. If I didn’t know any better I’d think Raphael was trying to keep you from us. Are you OK?” she murmured into his shoulder.

“As OK as a Fledgling can be. I had to stay at the Dumort though, Raphael had some guests from other clans over, and I needed to show a united front with them. Besides I’m sure you were busy yourself, you hardly noticed I wasn’t there.” Simon said softly, brushing his hand up and down her leather clad back reassuringly.

“Well we managed to discover a way to free Mom so kind of, but I have a feeling that wasn’t what you wanted to ask me about.” Clary frowned, pulling back to meet his gaze.

“Can we go somewhere less loud to talk?” Simon asked.

“Sure, let’s go for a walk around the Institute grounds. I can always say I was patrolling if Alec and the others ask.” Clary said, linking her arm through his and steering him down the alley in the right direction.

Clary filled him in on all the blanks of how they figured out who’d made the potion for Jocelyn on the way, Simon trying to pretend like he was listening instead of growing more and more concerned for the condition of the bond that seemed to be weakening in strength.

Finally they reached the boundary of the institute’s ground and Clary led him around the ground with an air of familiarity that Simon tried not to feel saddened by. She had always been made to be a Shadowhunter the whole time he’d known her but he’d never realised how much so until that moment.

“So what’s bugging you Simon? Is Raphael not treating you right?” Clary asked, tilting her head, her eyes hardening and a look in her eye that reminded Simon she was a Shadowhunter who was looking for the smallest excuse to get him out the Clan.

“Please lay off Raphael Clary, you don’t understand the half of what he’s done for me. This is about me, and what I feel for Raphael but never realised until recently.” Simon said uneasily, as he bit his lip.

“What? You actually _like _Raphael?” Clary asked with widened eyes.__

__“It’s more than that, a sense of belonging takes over me whenever we are in the same room, a kind of bond I share with him more than anyone else that I’ve ever known.” Simon tried to explain, Lily’s words echoing in head about her not understanding the ritual. Still it was the closest truth he could tell her._ _

__“But you’ve only know him a couple of months. Still have you told him? Because I know you Simon when you get a crush or whatever on someone you don’t do anything about it. Just let it fester and build under the surface until it fizzles out.” Clary said, her gaze rested on his profile in the moonlight._ _

__“I kissed him Clary, in front of those other clan members. So it’s pretty safe to say that he knows exactly how I feel.” Simon sighed, feeling her body stiffen beside him in shock._ _

__“What? When?” Clary asked, in obvious surprise that he was only just telling her now._ _

__“A couple of weeks ago.” He admitted._ _

__“So what happened after?” Clary frowned._ _

__“He definitely kissed me back…but then he pushed me away. I haven’t seen him in person since which is surprisingly hard in a hotel the size of the Dumort.” Simon said, picking at the stray stitching on the hoodie he was wearing to keep her from seeing how badly it was affecting him._ _

__“Why not?” she demanded._ _

__“It’s complicated Clary, I mean can you really see a guy like Raphael wanting to be with a guy like me?” He sighed, expecting the same kind of speech she’d always given him when he was crushing on her but she had no clue. About how he was better off waiting for the right person, something he got in a slight condensed version._ _

__“Of course I can. He’d be lucky to know you let alone to have you like that in his life, Simon. If he doesn’t get that then it’s his loss not yours.” Clary immediately said, almost like she was hoping he would move on to someone else._ _

__“Then why doesn’t it feel like that? I haven’t seen him in so long I find myself missing him even though we live under the same roof.” Simon demanded, raking his fingers through his hair._ _

__“I know exactly what you mean, things with me and Jace are pretty complicated at the moment too. Look if you want to show him your worth then help us.” Clary said immediately, a plan obviously forming in her mind._ _

__“What? Raphael hates you guys, especially with all the problems the alliance has caused.” Simon frowned._ _

__“But you can show him that you’re more than some Fledgling who’s got a hopeless crush on him Simon. You can show him what a benefit you’d be to the Clan and to him.” Clary said determinedly causing Simon to give her the side eye, knowing that wouldn’t be the real reason for what she was about to ask at all. But aside from training, feeding and occasionally the odd binge on Netflix he didn’t exactly have much else to fill his time. What did he have to lose?_ _

__“What exactly is it that you need? A book, a talisman, one of those ridiculous antiques they have in the foyer what?” Simon asked resignedly, knowing without a doubt he’d end up helping her._ _

__“It’s a little more complicated than that.” Clary admitted._ _

__“How complicated?” Simon asked suspiciously._ _

__“You know how I told you we found out who made the potion that immobilised my Mom?” Clary asked slowly._ _

__“Why do I not like where this is going?” Simon grimaced._ _

__“The Warlock who made the potion is dead but we know the name of the person who currently owns the book for the antidote and we’ve tracked them to the Dumort.” Clary said._ _

__“So why do you need my help? Just ask Raphael to speak to them.” Simon groaned._ _

__“It’s Camille, Simon.”_ _

__“What? Camille? As in the same vampire who drained me and started me on the journey to becoming a Fledgling? THAT Camille?!” Simon demanded, his eyes wide and his whole body stiffening at the thought of the vampire who had turned him._ _

__“Yes, but Simon you need to help us convince Raphael we can speak to her, if only so we can find out where the book is.”_ _

__“No, Raphael would never go for it.” Simon said immediately, not exactly blaming him after what he’d just learned._ _

__“Which is why it has to be you.”_ _

__“Oh, yeah, because I really want to disobey Raphael to go against his wishes where Camille is concerned all for some book.” Simon snipped sarcastically causing Clary to give him a pained smile._ _

__“Simon, this is for my Mom we’re talking about. I know you love her as much you love your own Mom so please.”_ _

__“But Raphael…” Simon objected only to be interrupted by the redhead beside him who had a determined look on her face that always spelt trouble._ _

__“…rejected your advances and your affection to the point that he hasn’t spoke to you in weeks.” Clary pointed out, causing Simon to bite his lip._ _

__He thought back to the perfection of his and Raphael’s lips together, the combined sweetness and richness of their combined bloods and the rare smile he’d lived for seeing on Raphael’s lips when he did something right. Could he really betray him like that? Lily’s words echoed around in his head over and over again, ‘ _I know you aren’t the kind of guy who wants that on your conscience with the way you feel about him_ ,’ and he knew he had to come up with some kind of plan to at least try before doing the unthinkable._ _

__“How about this, you come with me to the Dumort and we _politely_ ask to see Camille. If Raphael says no we use your plan, whatever it is, as plan B and at least we can show that we tried. Maybe then he won’t hate me so much.” He asked, a compromise that would hopefully put her off when she realised he wasn’t about to betray Raphael if he could get away with it._ _

__“OK, tomorrow night then? I’ll text you to let you know I’m there.” Clary asked, the reluctance clear on her face._ _

__“Sure, I should probably get back to the Dumort before they notice I’ve gone. I’ll see you then.” Simon said, squeezing her in a hug before offering a small smile and edging in the direction of the hotel from the grounds._ _

__“Good night, Simon!” Clary called after him before he disappeared from view, he only hoped he knew what he was doing._ _


	8. There's a curse between us, between me and you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Clary go about trying to persuade Raphael to let them speak to Camille before implementing Plan B, leaving Simon with a loss he never wanted to feel...

Early the next evening Raphael woke to see Kitty off via portal back to Atlanta, with Coralee making sure they had one last drink together before her departure.

“Raphael, sweetheart, you know nothing good will come out of you continuing to avoid your Fledgling. Just do me and yourself a favour and give him a chance, I promise you won’t regret the happiness he’ll bring you.” Kitty smiled, her Georgian accent bringing a smile to his lips while she licked the lingering blood from her fangs.

“I’ll try but I’m not promising anything.” He sighed like a put upon son as she kissed his forehead like a doting mother leaving a sticky red lip print on his skin that had Coralee snickering as he wiped it off with his handkerchief having long since become prepared for any spontaneous kisses from the elder vampire.

“Well when you do make sure to let me know. I’m only a fire message away.” Kitty winked, kissing Coralee’s cheek in a similar fashion before passing through the portal with a parting wink and flurry of fingers.

“Why can she talk you into anything, but you refuse to even let the rest of us say our piece?” Coralee asked suspiciously as she wiped the lingering lip print away with a tissue from her jeans pocket.

“Because in my time we were always taught to respect our elders, Cora. Not to mention if I’d said a flat out no she would have smacked me upside the head hard and used every Spanish curse she knew at me. And let’s just say it’s surprising how many she actually knows.” Raphael sighed, the portal folding in on itself before disappearing as he turned to pick up his next glass of blood when he heard the click of heels and the twinge of nervousness from Simon’s bond caused him to tense.

“What? What is it?” Coralee asked, as he reluctantly looked towards the doorway into the foyer.

“We’ve got some Nephilim company with a certain Fledgling.” Raphael sighed, sipping the glass as Coralee took a seat in one of the overly large gold couches not far from his own.

“Raphael…” Simon sounded uncertain as he and his redheaded Shadowhunter appeared immediately making him stiffen and Coralee snarl a Spanish curse at the Fledgling that had Raphael pushing on his professional mask reluctantly.

“Fledgling, I didn’t know I was supposed to be having Shadowhunter company today.” Raphael said, gaze moving over the redhead with obvious distain.

“Raphael, we need to speak to you in private…” Clary said, jerking her head pointedly at Coralee who flashed her fangs at her in retaliation.

“Whatever needs to be discussed can be said in front of Coralee, just in case I find myself being interrogated about my decisions again. Always best to have a witness just in case.” Raphael said as Clary looked at him in confusion.

“What?”

“Clary…” Simon looked ready to explain, but quickly silenced at the rather vicious tug Raphael gave on his bond combined with the look the leader flashed at him. Not that it stopped Simon’s gaze flickering longingly over Raphael’s lips and neck like a starving man causing Raphael to raise an eyebrow at him.

“Now, since we’ve established Coralee’s presence is mandatory you were saying you wished to speak to me?” Raphael prompted.

“Right, yes. We need to speak to Camille.” Simon said immediately swallowing when Raphael narrowed his eyes at the mention of his predecessor’s name.

“That isn’t possible at this moment as you well know Fledgling. Now if there’s nothing else…” 

“Please Raphael, she has a book we need to reverse a spell cast on my mom. We know she’s here as Magnus tracked her to your basement.” Clary pushed.

“And down there she is, but she’d not available or privileged with the right to receive guests. She’s dangerous and who knows what she might get up to if she enthralls someone else as you well know Fledgling.” Raphael said disapprovingly, sinking into the chair opposite Coralee’s. “I can give you access to her belongings however if that might help but speaking directly to her isn’t an option.”

“No we need to speak _actually_ to her….” Clary ground out stubbornly as Raphael glared at her when Simon quickly stepped between them to rest his hand on Raphael’s wrist, their bond sparking at the touch.

“Raphael, can I speak to you a moment?” Simon asked as Raphael eyed Simon’s hand wearily as he took a sip of his blood.

The elder felt Coralee watching him and nodded stiffly as he set his glass down before getting to his feet and letting Simon tug him out of Clary’s earshot.

“Maybe we should let her just speak to Camille. Other members can be in the same room and she doesn’t even have to leave the hotel.” Simon reasoned softly.

“As I said before she’s dangerous or did you forget what happened the last time you spoke to her?“ Raphael asked with a pointed look. 

“It’s not like she can kill me again. Come on Raphael….” Simon sighed.

“I’ve said no. End of Story and frankly you’re on thin ice as it is for agreeing to help her in the first place. If I were you I wouldn’t push any harder.” Raphael hissed under his breath, prying his hand from Simon’s grip and turning back to Clary.

“The answer is still no and that’s the end of it. So leave, and, know this, if I find out you’ve trespassed on Night Children’s property against my wishes to access her or Dios forbid _free_ her your alliance will be in tatters. Is that clear?” Raphael glared at the redhead.

“Crystal. Simon, you coming?” Clary asked turning back towards the door.

Raphael watched Simon look between her and him and was surprised when he said, “Best not. I’ve stuff to do. I’ll text you later,” instead of running after her like a puppy.

“Fine, bye, Simon. Raphael, a pleasure as always.” 

Raphael sat back in his chair, feeling Coralee’s gaze burning into his profile as he swirled his cocktail around between his fingers, Simon starting to move in the direction of the training room only to stop like a deer in the headlights when the elder cleared his throat.

“Fledgling, if I find out you’re helping her from the inside to get to Camille not even our bond will stop me from kicking you out of this clan. And let’s just say severed bonds are more unpleasant than the repercussions for you flitting across town onto Nephilim territory.” Raphael called, causing Simon to step and turn back to face him.

“What? But I wouldn’t…Why would I…” Simon stuttered, not that it stop his ears from going red at being tracked the night before via their bond.

“Because regardless of your attempts at trying to flirt with me to get on my good side I know despite our bond that your loyalty will always truly lie with her. Hence the reason I gave up believing the façade you were trying to build around that kiss.” Raphael said simply, sipping his drink like it had meant nothing.

“That wasn’t a lie in the least Raphael! If you’d let me explain, hell if you’ve even been in the same room as me for more than five minutes since…” Simon began moving to take a step forward only to hesitate when Raphael butted in. 

“…I would have looked even more like a fool than I obviously do. Go to your training, I think there’s nothing else for us to discuss.” Raphael said, his voice emotionless and as Coralee would call it the Clan Leader treatment.

“Raphael don’t say that!” Simon objected, the tinge of pleading in his voice almost enough to make Raphael change his mind. Almost.

“Go. Now.”

Raphael swallowed heavily as he heard Simon’s retreating footsteps from where his gaze was pinned on the marble floor, setting his glass on the table beside him as he felt Coralee crawl into the chair beside him and envelope him in a tight hug, pressing reassuring kisses to his head as he rested his forehead against the side of her neck.

XOX

Simon swallowed heavily as he leaned against the wall outside the training room, the twinge of the bond in his chest feeling on the verge of excruciating and, from the way the other clan members that passed were looking pained, they too could feel it. He’d known there would inevitably come a point where he’d have to choose between Raphael and Clary and he’d thought it would be simple since he barely knew the clan leader. But now that he did, even with the pain from the bond he felt like he was being torn in two, he wanted to help Clary really he did and after all their years of friendship he’d do anything for her, but this was too much. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Jocelyn like a surrogate mother, but what he did next would cost him his clan that he’d grown to love, Raphael that he could love if given the chance and any hope of being able to go visit his Mom and Rebecca without wanting to drain them which he desperately craved.

He was caught between a rock and a hard place with his chest burning with pain and inevitable betrayal. He couldn’t imagine what could possibly be worse than this. 

He rubbed his eyes with his hands when he felt his phone buzz against his hip, probably a message from Clary asking what next. Despite how much he hated himself he had decades to make up this decision to Raphael and get back into the Clan. But Clary needed Jocelyn more, for answers and the truth. Still it pained him of what he might lose in the process. He pried the phone from his pocket and sure enough there was Clary.

From: **Clary** :  
We tried the polite approach, when can we start plan B?

To: **Clary** :  
Tomorrow night. I’ve got to go, talk later.

He swallowed as he pressed send. He’d never felt like more of a traitor in his life and yet it only seemed to get worse as he pushed his phone back into his pocket and made himself go into the training room where Stan was waiting.

His mind was barely on the moves Stan was trying to teach or on Lily trying to pry from him why Raphael was so hurt though the latter he’d rather not confide in her about anyway, he knew she’d get pissed at him and he didn’t need that on top of Raphael’s pain.

After his final feed of the night he texted Clary about the logistics of the plan that needed to be addressed or she needed to while he was sleeping. But when she replied trying to ask about if he was sure things with Raphael would be fine if he did this, bloody tears streaked down his cheeks that he wiped away with his hoodie’s sleeve as he lied and made himself pack a bag with essentials in case he did get kicked out the clan after this.

He barely slept that day, his dreams filled with vivid dreams of him and Raphael kissing on the clan leader’s bed only for him to disappear and his chest feel like something was missing as he tried to search for him to no avail. Of Camille haunting his dreams in the shadows, calling him Caramel and cooing over him always being hers despite Raphael taking her place. Of Raphael sitting on a bed with Camille draped over him, her fangs sinking into his skin over and over leaving bloody bite marks and caressing his chest with long crimson nails. How Raphael just sat there taking it, no emotion on his face like he could barely even feel it.

He woke around sunset with more sticky tears down his cheeks and the breaking of where his heart used to beat proudly. He tried to distract himself from the inevitable moment where there was no turning back by showering and feeding before going to wait for Clary outside. Raphael seemed to be on paperwork duty so there was little likelihood of him discovering what he and Clary were about to do, not that it made him feel anymore at ease.

Clary soon appeared with Izzy on her heels, to explain some part of the plan they’d worked out. The use of a rune to explode the wall to hold the clan off so they could escape afterwards didn’t sit well with him and Clary could probably tell.

“Look we aren’t aiming to kill any of them, Simon, just detain them long enough for us to escape out the back that’s all.”

“And what then? Leave a large gaping hole in the wall for a stripe of sunlight across the floor until they can repair it? Isn’t there anything else we can do?” Simon asked, looking between the two pleadingly.

“It’s either that or Izzy acts as recon and that’s a lot more risky.” Clary admitted reluctantly.

“OK fine, but if anyone I know gets hurt I won’t be able to forgive you for this.” Simon sighed.

Clary and Izzy exchanged glances, but nodded before Clary followed his lead into the Dumort as Izzy went to get in position. He led the redhead in the direction of some free caskets so he could sneak her in unnoticed. Clary climbed in uneasily and Simon wheeled it towards the right crypt where Camille was kept under lock and guard, two vampires Zeke and Tristan guarding outside giving him a weird look but letting him pass when he mentioned Raphael. 

He waited until the door closed behind them before pulling the lid off the casket and helping Clary out before gesturing to the right casket that held Camille, the only one of those in the room wrapped in chains to keep it indefinitely shut. Simon used his strength to tear the chains apart and unwind them before throwing them aside, Clary standing beside him with her Seraph blade glowing as he opened the coffin. 

Camille was laying amidst the silk, giving off the image of an actual corpse with little chance of still living and from the look Clary cast his way it was obviously working. Especially since she’d never seen him sleep since he’d been turned.

“She looks well… _dead_ Simon.”

“Yeah, well what did you expect exactly? She is a Vampire.”

Clary cast him a dubious look as she pressed the edge of her blade to Camille’s throat cautiously before seeming to utter the magic words. “Wakey Wakey Camille.”

Simon watched the elder vampire that had ruined his life open her eyes and lazily push herself upright with the little strength she possessed, casting a look at Clary’s blade that plainly said ‘Oh please.’

“Well well if it isn’t my sweet caramel come to break me out. I knew I could count on you to break me out when you grew sick of playing the part of Raphael’s boy toy.” Camille cooed, fluttering her eyelashes at her Fledgling.

Simon opened his mouth to reply but thankfully Clary was on a mission and quickly took over.

“No, you don’t get to talk to him. You talk to me, I need to ask you something.”

“Ask away all you want, but I can’t guarantee that I’ll answer the Shadowhunter that helped Raphael lock me up in this box.” Camille sighed.

“Oh boo hoo, poor you.” Simon muttered.

“Being a vampire really suits you Caramel, I knew it would.” Camille purred.

“No, you’re speaking to me! I need to know if you have the Book of the White.” Clary butted causing the elder vampire to reluctantly tear her gaze away from Simon to the Shadowhunter.

“The book of the what?” Camille sighed, sound bored.

“A spell book, we tracked it to your possession Camille. Now where is it?”

“Really? What exactly would I want with a spell book Shadowhunter? I’m a vampire in case you haven’t noticed, not a Warlock. I wouldn’t even know what to do with the thing.” Camille said, rolling her eyes.

“Camille, where is it?” Simon asked wearily growing sick of her games.

“Fine, I might have it. But I’m not about to just hand it over without a little exchange.” Camille said her tone immediately making a bad feeling grow in the pit of Simon’s stomach.

“What?”

“Sure, anything.” Clary agreed without a second thought.

“Clary!”

“We need that book, Simon! Whatever it takes.” Clary reasoned, casting him an attempted reassuring look.

“Oh poor Caramel has your Shadowhunter double crossed you? Oh shock horror.” Camille jeered.

“Shut up, Camille.” Clary glared. “What will it take to get the book exactly?”

“First things first I want a signed Writ of Transmutation stating that I never broke any accord when I created sweet little Caramel here.” Camille rambled off as though she had had enough time to think through any possible negotiations if the opportunity should arise.

“And?”

“And you get me out of here. Then I’ll take you to the book no question.” Camille said with a sickly sweet smile that made Simon shudder.

“Deal.” Clary confirmed.

“Clary! I thought were just going to talk to her not break her out!” Simon groaned as he paced beside Camille’s coffin.

“Desperate times, Simon, I’m sure Raphael will understand in the long term.” Clary said putting her blade in its sheath reluctantly after casting Camille a warning look.

“Not when he finds out not only did I help you talk to her, but helped her escape too. I was already on thin ice as it is.” Simon groaned, raking his fingers through his hair.

“Oh, Caramel, you’ve been a naughty little Fledgling, I’m so proud.” Camille grinned, reaching a hand out to him to help her out the casket.

“I’ll explain to Raphael, Simon, I promise, but please, we need to get a move on.” Clary pleaded, causing Simon to sigh but reluctantly take Camille’s hand and help her out.

He let her lean against him for balance since she was deprived of blood even as his whole body screamed in protest at letting her near him and his bond pulsed. He helped Camille while Clary texted Izzy as she led the way out the room towards the foyer as planned though every corner they went around filled Simon with dread at the possibility of Raphael catching them.

They were just moving towards the back tunnel when Simon felt the pain from his bond intensify and stiffened to a stop.

“Simon? What is it?” Clary asked in a whisper.

“Oh little Caramel’s bond must be burning like an alarm beacon as Raphael figures out what you’ve done.” Camille grinned.

“Bond? Simon, what is she talking about?” Clary asked watching Simon’s skin get ashen.

“Going somewhere?” Raphael’s voice came from in front of them thankfully saving Simon a conversation.

“Raphael.” Camille hissed.

“You should have stayed put.” Raphael said calmly though Simon could feel his gaze flickering over him with little surprise as though even after the warning he’d still expected Simon to do it. Though the words he used to address him felt like his bond was being pulled so tight it was fraying with the strain. “I’m disappointed in you.”

“I guess it’s too late for me to put her back in the box huh?” Simon asked breathlessly though the lack of Raphael’s gaze on him made him feel empty.

“Much too late. Our alliance is finished. Simon betrayed us…just as Camille did. They deserve the same fate. Kill them.” Raphael hissed, the words seeming to tug at the bond between them.

“Raphael, please….” He croaked the abundance of emotions from Raphael’s side of the bond beginning to fade like the elder vampire was cutting him off a bit at a time.

Right on time the wall between them cracked open with Izzy’s rune, Raphael’s hand getting caught in the onslaught of sunlight causing Simon’s eyes to widen in horror as he retreated back to the darkness on the other side, clutching his hand to his chest in pain.

Izzy appeared through the hole to come to Camille’s other side as she and Clary murmured amongst themselves as they steered him and Camille towards the direction of the tunnel.

“Simon if you walk out that door don’t for a second think you are welcome back here again!” Raphael hissed, causing Simon to stop his path and turn to look at him.

“Simon!” Clary called after him.

“I mean it, Simon. I will rip our bond apart until there’s nothing left.”

“What’s this about some bond? Simon, we need to go!”

“I…” Simon looked pleadingly at Raphael who couldn’t even seem to meet his gaze.

“Simon!”

“Yes, go, Simon. I’m sure the two of you will be very happy together, just like you always wanted.” Raphael said his voice hoarse and filled with defeat.

“Raphael, please don’t!” A piercing scream was ripped from his throat nearly causing him to double over in pain if not for Clary beside him.

“What did you do?” Clary yelled, looking at Raphael threateningly.

“What I should have done in the first place when I realised he was just a Shadowhunter spy minus the angel blood.” Raphael ground out.

Bloody tears spilled down Simon’s cheeks at the intensity of the pain while Clary steered him towards the tunnel despite his objections. Simon’s gaze rested frantically over his shoulder on Raphael’s cold indifferent expression, clutching his burnt hand to his chest. He knew deep down this couldn’t be the end and he would do anything to fix it.

It wasn’t until they were deep in the depths of the tunnels that Simon finally pulled himself free of Clary’s grip.

“Simon, we need to keep moving to get to the book before she changes her mind.”

“That’s all you care about, Clary! Not that I just lost my clan, Raphael doesn’t want to see me again there’s a death order on my head if I dare to go back and I’ve lost the one sliver of assurance that Raphael felt something for me. I told you I didn’t want to do this, but as ever you just don’t listen to any voice but your own. Especially if it isn’t what you want!” Simon yelled, his arms hugging around his middle where the pain seemed to be radiating from.

“What’s so important about some bond when you have me?”

“But do I really _Shadowhunter_?” he ground out watching Clary jerk back like he’d physically slapped her.

“Simon…”

“No, Clary. I’ve had enough. It’s your fault I’m like this to begin with, but you know what? You just take Camille to wherever the hell you want to get that book. I’m done. I’m going to see someone who isn’t just out for what they can get out of me. Don’t text me.” Simon said, pushing himself away from the wall his back rested against and walking in the opposite direction down the tunnel leaving behind the two Shadowhunters that had just cost him everything.


	9. And I went and shot an arrow right through your heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael heals under Magnus' hand physically but not otherwise and Magnus ends up with a flatmate that leaves him caught in the middle...

“Raphael, I heard about what happened from Stan.” Lily’s voice came from the doorway to the office where he’d retreated to after the group had made their retreat, hoping to be able to lick his wounds without being found. But he’d known it was a long shot especially when he should have known that Lily would have come looking for him once she heard about it through the hotel’s grape vine. For the moment he kept his gaze on the pint of blood that he’d been downing in the hopes of healing his hand while a few others were hanging around until night fall so they could fix the damage to the wall. But from the look of his hand it seemed like he was going to need to see Magnus, the last thing he’d wanted to do.

“Yes, well I can’t honestly say I’m that surprised. I told you he’d do anything for her, even if meant me being damaged in the fall out let alone leaving the clan.” Raphael said emotionlessly, as Lily sat opposite him with a look of concern of her face.

“But how are you feeling aside from the obvious sting of betrayal I mean?” Lily asked gently as his still stinging fingers clenched around the glass holding his blood.

“As of right now? I honestly don’t know, probably numb more than anything. I’ve never had to severe a bond with anyone before so I think that’s really taken it out of me.” He said, his gaze on the desk so he didn’t have to see the look of outrage on her face, though it was more than obvious in her voice.

“Raph, you didn’t!”

“What else did you think I’d do in this situation, Lily? He let a Shadowhunter into the Dumort without my knowledge to speak to Camille even though I’d already told them no. He helped that same Shadowhunter take Camille out of the hotel and did nothing when another Shadowhunter blew a hole in the wall to let sunlight in that did this to me.” He murmured, holding his burned hand out to her pointedly.

“But you know he probably did it for a perfectly good reason. It doesn’t mean you should get rid of the bond at the first sign of trouble. And now you’ve inflicted that kind of pain he doesn’t even understand not just on him but on yourself.” Lily sighed.

“Yeah, well it’s done now. We don’t have a Fledgling let alone one that cavorts with Shadowhunters under this roof anymore. Now I need to call Magnus, see if he can help heal this before it becomes permanent.” Raphael groaned, reaching for his cell phone with his good hand while setting his other back around his glass uselessly.

“And maybe he’ll tell you what a stupid mistake you’ve made in a way you’ll actually listen to. But I’ll look after the clan and make sure none of the high ones get to close to the sunlight in the foyer at the moment.” Lily said reluctantly, pushing herself out of her chair and walking out the office leaving him staring at his burnt hand as he tried uselessly to reach for any inkling of Simon’s bond that still remained.

Anything to reassure himself that the Fledgling was still linked to his senses but it seemed like he’d really done a number on it on his anger as he couldn’t feel any implication they were still connected, Just the emptiness on the wound where Simon’s boundless energy had used to shine.

He pulled himself from his thoughts to down the last of his blood and watch his hand for any sign of it healing, not that he’d expected it to, and turned to sending Magnus the message. He just hoped he’d be able to come over before the night was over, he’d be useless otherwise.

XOX

“ _Cariño_ hold still! I can’t heal you if you insist on continuing to move your fingers. I’m a Warlock not a proper healer. If you wanted that you should have called Catarina.” Magnus huffed, tightening his grip on Raphael’s wrist while the vampire kept his gaze on the ceiling with no words leaving his lips. Not that Magnus wasn’t used to that, but he could tell the circumstances behind his injury had got to him more than he was trying to let on.

The Warlock tilted his lips to the side in thought as blue sparks flowed out the end of the fingers of his free hand and into the vampire’s sensitively burned skin, before speaking, “How’s the Fledgling? What’s his name….Sherman is it?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Raphael ground out stiffly immediately ringing alarm bells in Magnus’ head that something had gone wrong.

“ _Raphael_ …” Magnus said in a warning tone that sound too much like the younger’s dead mother, god rest her blessed soul.

“He’s gone. It’s all one big mess and our bond is snapped irreparably in two. Happy?” Raphael sighed, Magnus slapping the back of his hand in warning when he began to fidget again.

“No of course I’m not. What happened?” Magnus asked uneasily, biting his lip in faux concentration.

Since the Fledgling had joined the Dumort as the condition of Clary’s alliance Raphael had been texting and bitching to the Warlock about him every chance that he got, but Magnus knew him well enough to know that he was slowly gathering affection for him. No-one honestly bitches so much about wrecked jackets or how he looked better in his own suits than he does without there being a spark there. Magnus had been the one Raphael had confided in about the kiss and how he’d really ached to kiss him back deeper and harder but restrained himself in the presence of his fellow clan leaders, not wanting their tongues wagging about his love life. 

The Warlock was also the only one who understood Raphael’s fear of Simon being another Theo that Raphael thought he wouldn’t be able to save when the time came. Still the knowledge that he’d willingly severed their clan bond spelt so many levels of disaster that Magnus honestly didn’t know where to start in trying to fix things.

“ _SHE_ happened.” Raphael hissed, causing Magnus to flinch. 

That was something else Raphael had always mentioned bitterly, how between him and Magnus’ dear Biscuit Raphael knew Simon would always choose her. Magnus had told him time and again that that wasn’t the case, that they had a platonic bond with some one-sided affection from Simon anyway, not to mention Biscuit’s fixation on Alexander’s Parabatai, the Herondale boy despite their supposed sibling status. But from the sounds of it he’d been wrong.

“What did she make him do exactly?” Magnus asked carefully stretching his fingers from cramp but keeping the magic flowing.

“Wake Camille to ask her about some _maldito_ book even after I said no. Then they removed Camille from the Hotel, nearly killing the clan and injuring me in the process.” Raphael said.

“The book of the white, damnit Clarissa what have you done?” Magnus murmured under his breath.

“I told him if he walked out that door he wasn’t welcome back, I’d make sure there was no bond between us and there was a kill order on his and Camille’s head. Don’t look at me like that _Brillantito_ what was I supposed to do? Give him a slap on the wrist, kiss his forehead and welcome him back with open arms when he decides to reappear? I’m the clan leader you know? I can’t do that, no matter how I really feel about him.” Raphael said, his voice getting weaker and more emotional while Magnus shook his head.

“Believe me I understand why you did what you did _Cariño_ , but that doesn’t mean I don’t think you’ve made a big mistake. You know he’ll be left vulnerable in the shadow world without you to keep an eye on him. Not to mention I highly doubt your affections for him was as one sided as you seemed to think it was.” Magnus sighed, his phone buzzing on the desk beside the Cosmo cocktail that Raphael had made him before he got started on healing him. “Can you hold still unaided while I check who that is?”

“By all means, though I highly doubt it’s your Nephilim boy toy.” Raphael shrugged, gaze back on the ceiling.

“I do wish you wouldn’t call him that, you sound exactly like Camille. Not a pleasant feat anyone should share with the likes of her.” Magnus said, rolling his eyes and smirking a little at Raphael’s hiss of indignation as he released the vampire’s wrist to pick up his phone.

From: **Alpha Luke**  
I’ve sent Simon your way. Bust up with Raphael.  
He should be through the Brooklyn sewers in an hour tops.

Magnus bit his lip as he flashed a quick glance at Raphael’s burn to check on it, it took an awful lot of magic and energy to heal an injury of that magnitude on a vampire due to the dead tissue and skin cells that needed replacing. Hopefully with a bit more of a push he should be able to get finished and portal back to the loft before the Fledgling made an appearance. Still he knew Raphael wouldn’t be pleased at his interference in his private affairs with Simon.

To: **Alpha Luke.**  
Text him my number, I’m a bit busy at the moment but I’ll try to get there as soon as I can.

He pressed send and locked his phone which he slid into his blazer pocket before turning his attention back to Raphael whose gaze was on where his burn was seeping into a scar on his skin.

“Well? Was it the infamous Shadowhunter who I once remember you describing as having abs that would make Michelangalo’s David blush?” Raphael asked with a smirk that had Magnus glaring at him as a stray spark intentionally crackled on the back of his hand in warning causing the smirk to give way to a yelp.

“What have I told you about mentioning anything I say when I drunk dial?” Magnus warned, giving him the stink eye.

“Not to. Fine if it wasn’t him of the heavenly abs then who was it?” Raphael asked, Magnus blatantly ignoring the sarcastic nickname in favour of sending a deeper burst of magic into the heart of the burn.

“A Client just explaining how they were going to be later than they thought for our afternoon appointment tomorrow. Now stop disturbing me and let me finish.” Magnus said, reaching for his drink and downing a large mouthful, he was definitely going to need it.

XOX

Simon had been surprised when Luke told him how close Raphael and Magnus actually were, considering they were polar opposites and he couldn’t imagine any situation that could possibly call for them to be close. Still as he’d taken the tunnels from the Jade Wolf towards the sewers of Brooklyn so he could reach the Warlock’s loft without bursting into a cloud of ash he only hoped Magnus would be able to help him. Even if it was only by giving him a place to stay while he figured out what his next move was to show Raphael how much he really meant to him.

As he dodged a rather suspicious looking puddle he couldn’t stop himself from grasping useless for any hint of Raphael’s presence lingering from the bond, but the lack of the leader made him all the more determined to fix this. Even if it meant he didn’t get access back into the clan itself or the Dumort he would be perfectly content to just speak to or be acknowledged instead of being completely cut off. Finally he spotted the rune like symbol spray painted at the base of a ladder to a manhole that Luke had told him to look out for signalling the opening to the basement of Magnus’ building.

But just as he was about to start the climb up he checked his phone to see a message waiting for him from Luke with Magnus’ number telling him the Warlock was out but to text him once he was close. He checked he had a good enough reception as he typed a quick message to Magnus, sending it once it was able. He leaned against the wall by the ladder as he waited for any response and was relieved when his phone buzzed with a reply of a couple of words definitely from the Warlock.

From: **The Glittery One**  
Come up Sheldon.

He rolled his eyes at the use of the wrong name and pushed the phone into his pocket before starting the climb up the ladder, pausing so he was balanced enough to push the manhole cover off with both hands before easing himself inside the building. He then pushed the cover back in place with the toe of his boots.

“Well, well someone has been a busy little Fledgling haven’t they?” Magnus’ voice came from behind him causing him to jump while the Warlock rolled his eyes at his obvious lack of self awareness.

“Magnus…Hey.”

“Hey he says. Really? You betray Raphael, let loose to the world that Harpy that sucked you dry and knows my buttons and all you can say is _hey_? Sherman, what are we going to do with you?” Magnus sighed, crossing his arms over his chest and tapping his ringed fingers against his arms.

“You’ve spoken to Raphael?” Simon asked, following the Warlock’s lead towards the steps that led up from the basement to the main building.

“Well considering he needed help healing his hand from a certain Shadowhunter fuelled sunlight attack who else exactly was he going to call, Shannon?” Magnus asked over his shoulder.

“Is he OK? Did you manage to heal him?” Simon asked, ignoring the fact he was still getting called the wrong name with every response.

“Did I manage to…Shane, I’m the high Warlock of Brooklyn! Of course I did! Ugh let’s get up to my loft before you come up with any more stupid questions.” Magnus glared before leading the way up the steps from the foyer to his loft with Simon on his heels.

Once they reached the loft and the door was closed behind them Simon hovered as he watched Magnus grab a blood bag from the fridge and some other ingredients that Simon was now more than familiar with before picking up a glass from his bar for the concoction.

“You didn’t answer my other question, Magnus. Is Raphael OK?” Simon asked following the Warlock in the direction of the royal blue velvet couch with black cushions perched on the arms.

“Physically yes. Mentally, questionable. Emotionally…well what do you think?” Magnus sighed the shaker clicking with the mixture of ice cubes and coffee grounds being added.

Simon groaned as he sunk to the couch, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands.

“I honestly never thought you were the kind of guy who enjoys messing with people’s feelings, Shelby. After everything he did for you, the grilling he got from the other clan members for accepting the alliance and you just throw it all away like _that_.” Magnus huffed, clicking his fingers while tipping the blood into the shaker before securing the shaker closed and shaking it vigorously, his gaze never leaving the vampire.

“You know Clary needs the book of the white…” Simon started, immediately stopping at the look that crossed the Warlock’s face.

“Don’t even get me started on Clarissa, believe me she will be getting a strict talking to once Jocelyn is back to rights.” Magnus snarked, shaking the shaker harder before settling it down on the coffee table to reach for the glass.

“…I would have felt worse for not helping her…” Simon objected though knew it was surprisingly a lie.

“No you wouldn’t. You’d still be in the Dumort, Raphael might finally be talking to you again instead of questioning his own self worth and feelings. Not to mention it wouldn’t all be one gigantic mess of Downworlder Shadowhunter proportions. Besides she knew you’d help, that’s why she asked. She knows you too well, Shea. A reality check would have done her some good and made her see that you do actually possess a backbone.” Magnus sighed pointing at him with a sparkly twizzle stick as he opened the shaker and emptied half the concoction into the glass.

“Either way I’m not talking to Clary at the moment after the stunt that she and Izzy pulled with burning Raphael. And being that I can’t stay with the Jade wolf for obvious reasons…” Simon said, taking the cocktail he was offered before Magnus got up to make one of his own, minus the blood and with triple the alcohol.

“Yes, you can stay here while I try to figure out how to get Raphael to speak to you. It won’t happen over night let alone be a magic fix mind you, that vampire can be a stubborn one I know from experience.” Magnus said sucking some stray curacao liqueur from his thumb.

“Has he always been so stubborn?” Simon asked around a mouthful of blood.

“Oh always, I know him from back when he was a mere Fledgling such as yourself. His mother god rest her beautiful soul contacted me not long after he was turned in the hopes I could help him. He’d killed his sire and his friends that had been changed with him and refused to feed since he thought it would stop him from being a monster. It got so bad he almost walked into the sunlight at dawn and would have committed suicide willingly if I hadn’t been there to stop him.” Magnus said, adding another shot of vodka to his concoction, knowing Raphael would crucify him personally if he knew he’d just told Simon his origin story as well as his moment of weakness.

“Really?”

“Um hm. He practically begged me to let him go so he could do it. He didn’t want to exist in a world as a monster so he claimed. But Guadalupe Santiago didn’t want him to give up his life and I told him as much, that she still loved him fiercely and always would. Being how close they were I think that made him want to live, if only for the remainder of her lifetime. It also made him more willing to actually listen and accept my advice, letting me help him find ways to feed without wanting to throw up or reminding him of what he really was. In fact, what you’re drinking now was mostly a recipe I made for him.” Magnus said gesturing to the glass Simon was sipping from with the end of a sparkly cocktail umbrella.

“So how did he get past it exactly?” Simon asked watching Magnus shake his head.

“He never truly did. He still has his moments, he just knows how to keep his emotions hidden from those he doesn’t want to see. Like you for example.” Magnus said sipping from his Royal Blue Cocktail as he sat down beside on the couch, elbowing a cushion to the floor.

“Wait what?” Simon asked, wide-eyed.

“He thinks I don’t know but like I say I’ve been able to read past his mask for decades now. But since you were still a Mundane hanging on to Clary’s coat tails he’d bitch about you ruining his jackets, about how fixated you were on dying with the amount of time that you turned up at the Dumort to be with Camille. But he only ever does that about people he cares about…it was pretty obvious to see. Not that he would admit it of course.” Magnus shrugged, stirring his cocktail with the end of the cocktail umbrella holding two maraschino cherries.

“So he told you about what happened the last night of the ritual?” Simon asked, staring in the depths of his bloody cocktail.

“To be honest I didn’t think you had it in you, but what do I know?” Magnus smiled watching the Fledgling bite his lip as he shifted uneasily in his seat.

“It just…it felt right. When we were sharing blood it was so _intense_ , it felt natural like the next step we should take together. Does that sound weird?” Simon asked hesitantly.

“Not as much as you would think. It would normally be the next step, sharing each other’s blood outside the ritual is a vampiric mating aphrodisiac, something I know Raphael neglected to mention to you. It’s the most intimate act outside sex that two vampires can ever share, add the bond and then the sex to the mix and it’s supposed to be like heaven on earth. Or so I’ve been told.” Magnus said with a wistful smile.

“No, he didn’t mention that.”

“I didn’t think he would. But just because of the euphoric properties of the act doesn’t mean that what you feel for each other, whether you are open about it or not, is any less real, Simon.” Magnus reassured him with a smile.

“Then why did he push me away? That’s the one thing I don’t understand.”

“Would it help if I told you he want to kiss you more than he did? That he never wanted to pull back but he’s never been one for public displays of affection especially in front of fellow clan leaders? Where a clan leader with a Fledgling is seen as a taboo more than being with a Shadowhunter, Werewolf or Warlock? Vampiric societal rules are as complicated as the accords themselves sometimes, Simon, you just have to learn the balance and ask questions, when you get the chance.” Magnus said soothingly.

“I guess that makes sense.” Simon said slowly.

“He’s a very private person all rules aside, you just threw him off. Still when he believes the object of his affections doesn’t reciprocate truly or completely and will ditch him the moment a certain redheaded Shadowhunter snaps her fingers it becomes clear why he keeps those feelings under wraps.” Magnus said.

“What? He thinks that me and Clary…? I mean I might have had a crush on her back in high school, even before I got dragged into this whole Shadowworld situation but she could have anyone else she wants and I would never be able to compete. Believe me I’ve learned that the hard way. Plus in a way I’d always assumed I had Raphael.” Simon sighed at the thought of the elder vampire believing that he would never feel the same way that he did.

“Nuh uh never assume something as monumental as that little one. This is why things are such a mess between the two of you. You never told him how you felt so naturally he _assumed_ when you took her side and helped Camille escape…” Magnus began.

“…he thought I’d chosen her.” Simon finished slowly and unbelievably.

“Hence your banishment from the clan, kill order on your head and your severed bond.” Magnus nodded in agreement.

Simon choked as he tried to yell out to god, only calming when Magnus hushed him, “Is there anything you think I can do?”

“Not tonight, Simon. You’ve been up way past your vampiric bedtime and I have a client to see in a couple of hours. So, drink up and I’ll show you to your room. We can discuss everything else tomorrow night.” Magnus said soothingly, tapping Simon’s barely touched glass with his own pointedly.

Simon nodded with a weak smile downing the contents of the glass in one leaving Magnus gaping as he got up with his own half finished cocktail and gestured for Simon to follow him once the empty glass was set on the coffee table.

“Now, you’re lucky Raphael has stayed here a few times so I have a vampire proof room already.” Magnus said, walking down the hallway past the front door to another door a bit further down on the right.

“I’m staying in Raphael’s room, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Simon asked hesitantly.

“Well it’s either there or another one I’ll have to create with black out curtains leaving you on the couch for the moment. Besides considering how you feel for him and the loss of your bond I thought this would be a good alternative.” Magnus said, opening the door and flicking on a lamp in the otherwise dark room with his magic as he leaned against the door frame.

“Yeah, I guess that would be a good idea.” Simon agreed, not exactly keen on sleeping on a couch over a bed as he looked around the room.

“So I’ll conjure your some pyjamas for the moment since Raphael always forgets to bring something and ends up dressed like heathen. I’ll also leave you some of my least glittering clothes for tonight we can always go shopping later. I’ll make sure to keep the fridge stocked with blood bags from Lily with fixings on the side, oh and before I forget further down the hall on your left is a bathroom if you need it.” Magnus said, clicking some plain pyjamas on to the bed beside some sweats and a tank top.

“Thanks, Magnus.” Simon said, leaning against the wall beside the door.

“Simon, try not to fret about this. I promise we will work out some way to get him to speak to you.” Magnus said soothingly, the Fledgling nodding with a sad smile.

“I sure hope so. Good day, Magnus.” 

“Good night, Simon, try to sleep well.” Magnus smiled, leading Simon to change for a desperately needed good day’s sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cariño - darling  
> Maldito - damned  
> Brillantito - glittery one


	10. Missing you, such a bitter pill to swallow.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Magnus try to plan a way to get him to speak to Raphael, but when Magnus goes to visit the clan leader the fall out on his side is all the more devastating...

Simon barely managed to get any sleep even though his body was on the verge of exhaustion and he knew he desperately needed to recharge his batteries before he could even think about how to get Raphael to speak to him. But every time his eyes closed he’d see the resigned look of expected disappointment in the elder vampire’s eyes when he’d seen Simon with Clary and Camille. How the elder had clutched his hand to his chest when it was burned with a look of betrayal on his face so painful that Simon’s undead heart had sunk into his stomach as he tried to uselessly grasp for any feel of Raphael.

Magnus had been right that being in Raphael’s room had helped a little though he didn’t know how much time the clan leader had actually spent there. But it wasn’t enough for him to leave any belongings behind and if he hadn’t had vampire senses he wouldn’t have even known he’d been there at all. But the faint smell of Raphael’s cologne on the pillow his head rested on did reassure him and lull him into a dreamless sleep in the darkness.

His mind reliving their shared kiss over on repeat before Raphael had pulled away, the taste of their bloods together in his mouth while his tongue licked into the other’s, how it had been better than anything he’d ever felt before in his life. Including Camille’s attempt at seducing him and whatever he and Maureen had shared that he still couldn’t remember. It was tentative, prying, yet meaningful and hungry as though it had been everything the both of them had always dreamed of.

He woke after a few hours of sleep as the sun was setting according to his internal clock and changed into the other set of clothes he’d been left before venturing out into the loft. There was no sign of Magnus who was probably dealing with clients or maybe checking on Raphael, giving him the chance to make his first feed and try to decide what options he really had when it came to the elder vampire.

Once he was halfway through the glass and perched on Magnus’ couch with his legs hugged to his chest with one arm while the other hand held the glass on his knee he heard the door open. He was soon greeted to the sight of Magnus sauntering in cursing under his breath about vampires and Shadowhunters as he made a b-line for the bar.

“Bad day?” Simon asked tentatively.

“Oh boy you have no idea. Life lesson for you, never get involved with someone you can’t have or a closeted Nephilim. Either way you are only ever destined to get hurt.” Magnus huffed, pouring half a bottle of something lime green into a shaker.

“Anything to do with Alec?” Simon asked, things between the Warlock and the Shadowhunter had seemed to be simmering down instead of intensifying since the wedding. With Alec fixated on getting his Parabatai back from Valentine it seemed as if their relationship was over before it had even begun, the Nephilim not contacting Magnus unless it was to do with the search or institute business. Either way it wasn’t surprisingly that the Warlock would be pissed.

“Nope, you aren’t here to listen to my petty little problems, Simon, Especially when you have your own to worry about. Just ignore me, in the grand scheme of things I’m probably being needy more than anything else.” Magnus sighed, tipping a few things into the shaker, screwing it closed and making it shake with blue wisps of magic from his finger tips. “How did you sleep?”

“Poorly, if I managed to get any at all. My mind kept running round and round in circles with everything he said and how he looked at me before I left. I couldn’t keep my eyes closed for long even if I wanted to, and believe me with everything going on, I wanted to.” Simon yawned, tapping his fingers against his glass.

“Hm, well on the topic of Raphael I have been thinking about that and I might have an idea that could speed up the forgiveness process by several decades and without the silent glowering treatment that Raphael is fond of.” Magnus said thoughtfully the shaker still moving back and forth in mid air as he went to grab a glass.

“Really? And what is this oh so brilliant idea?” Simon asked skeptically though there was an undeniable tinge of eagerness in his words.

“I lure him here so you can talk to him.” Magnus’ reply came over the Warlock’s shoulder as he moved.

“What? That’s it? You made it sound like the answer to my prayers and magic bullet all in one! I highly doubt it’s going to be that simple.” Simon said, shaking his head.

“And it might be all of that and more. I mean think about it, Raphael needs to be put in a situation where he has no real choice, but to speak to you if he wants to leave, which I will instill on him by locking every available exit. However it might not work if the wounds are still raw so we might need to leave this plan for a week or so and have Lily, our secret weapon, nagging him until he gives in and pretends it was his idea in the first place. Then I invite him round conveniently at the right time and bingo.” Magnus hummed, taking a sip of the contents of the shaker, a shudder running through his body at the bitterness, before adding a sprinkle of sugar and edible glitter before pouring the multi coloured concoction into the glass.

“You really think that’s going to work? I mean this is Raphael we’re talking about.” Simon asked, skeptically, as the Warlock pierced an olive and sprig of mint on a tiny sparkly umbrella for the cocktail before moving to sit beside him.

“Well I suppose we won’t know until we give it a try. Still out of the two of us who knows how best to pry Raphael to do what he needs to do? Hint he’s older than you by a few hundred years.” Magnus said sassily, over a mouthful of cocktail.

“I guess…we could give it a shot, but what am I supposed to do until then? I can’t just hang around here night after night as lovely as the décor is, only getting up to feed before going back to sleep again It’ll get boring fast.” Simon frowned sipping the minty infused blood.

“Well, I could always ask Lily to come over here to help you keep up with your training when she brings the next lot of blood. Also I’m going to need some help rearranging my library and doing inventory of my potion ingredients since I can never get around to it.” Magnus suggested.

“I suppose if it keeps me busy and my mind off this then it’s better than nothing.” Simon agreed reluctantly downing what remained in the glass before getting to his feet.

“Well, for tonight I’ll give you a pass so you can get settled, there’s some movies and books if you’re interested to keep you busy.” Magnus said, watching Simon get up beside him to clean his glass though the lack of enthusiasm radiating off him made it more than clear that his thoughts would be stuck on Raphael no matter what he was doing, leaving Magnus considering taking a late night visit to the Dumort to check on his friend.

“Thanks, but I think I’m going to call it a night, take a shower and catch up on some sleep.” Simon said with a small smile, setting his now clean glass down on the draining board before turning in the direction of his room.

_Oh boy did the Fledgling have it really painfully bad. That definitely settles it..._

“OK, well, I’m going out to check on Pandemonium and meet a couple of out of hour’s clients. Text me if you need me, but I should be back before sunrise.” Magnus called after his retreating back.

“Have fun.” Simon called back to him in reply before the door to the bathroom closed behind him with a thud, leaving Magnus slurping up the last of his cocktail in thought before opening a portal to the Dumort’s foyer with a wave of his bejewelled fingers.

XOX

Lily was returning from being the nightly distributor of blood to clan members since Raphael hadn’t appeared like he would have normally done. She didn’t doubt for a second that Simon’s betrayal and subsequent banishment from the clan was to blame because for all Raphael’s seemingly emotionless untouchable persona she knew that under it all his feelings for the Fledgling were still taunting at him with what he could never have. She could feel his pain, his inner turmoil and loss through her own bond with him, but only wished that he wasn’t so completely stubborn that he’d refuse to do the sensible thing like anyone else to remedy it.

She was trying to push that to the back of the mind to think of what to wear for her and Elliot’s night out with a few other clan members as a moral booster when she spotted the glittery figure of the High Warlock of Brooklyn looking like he’d just appeared from a portal and was waiting for someone to notice him.

“Magnus? Raphael didn’t mention anything about expecting a visit from you…” Lily said uncertainly watched the Warlock smile at the sight of her though it soon faded at the mention of his friend.

“No. Raphael doesn’t know I’m here, yet anyway. Though I could do with some help trying to fix things gorgeous, especially when I have a rather sad Fledgling moping in my spare room at the moment.” Magnus said, Lily gesturing for him to follow her.

“I’ve already tried to talk some sense into him, like Coralee did before she finally went back to New Orleans and Kitty before she left. He’s very hell bent on not chasing after someone who sold us out for Shadowhunters and Camille.” Lily sighed, Magnus grimacing at the mention of his ex’s name which had long since become a subconscious reaction.

“Yes, well, no offense my dear but I’ve known him a fair bit longer. You just have to know the right things to say and the right buttons to push. Still I also wanted to speak to you hopefully before speaking with his royal grumpiness?” Magnus asked, stilling her with a hand on her arm causing the vampire to frown.

“Me? What about?”

“Since Coralee and Ragnor, my best bet at talking him round aren’t around, and I doubt he’ll be too keen on speaking to me after our impending conversation. I need you to keep trying with him when I’m not around. Remind him of what he feels for Simon and how he deserves a second chance.” Magnus said tilting his head as Lily looked torn.

“I don’t honestly know how much good that will do to be honest, but I suppose I could give it a shot.”

“I could also do with you coming to see Simon when you have the chance.” Magnus said, looping his arm through hers and continuing to walk towards the elevator.

“What? Why?! Raphael would kill me himself with his bare hands if he found out.” Lily exclaimed, not looking the least reassured when Magnus patted her arm.

“Now now gorgeous no need to over exaggerate. Raphael wouldn’t do that, he likes you too much. But Simon doesn’t have much company of his own species at the moment and being a Fledgling you know how versatile they can be. He still needs training for his senses and to know someone is actually on his side no matter what happens.” Magnus said.

“That’s all well and good to say, but what about his Shadowhunter and Camille? You know the reason that all this happened in the first place?” Lily demanded causing Magnus to sigh and roll his eyes.

“I can assure you if he was still speaking to Clarissa he sure as hell wouldn’t be staying with me. But he has cut himself off from her and the Lightwoods at the moment and since Camille is in their custody…” He shrugged.

“Then I suppose it can’t hurt, though I’m guessing you’ll be needing increased blood deliveries with him around to keep up right?” Lily asked.

“Oh gorgeous you are a star.” Magnus beamed, pulling her into a tight hug that caused the vampire to giggle and roll her eyes.

“I’ll come see him in a couple of days once the heat has cooled down around the Clan. I can tell Raphael I have a meeting or something. Though if you need blood that badly before then just let me know.” Lily sighed, as Magnus gave her one last squeeze before letting her go.

“Thanks gorgeous. I’d better go and play the responsible one with your great leader, have a goodnight out and remember the VIP room in Pandemonium is your best friend.” Magnus winked as Lily watched him conjure a portal to Raphael’s door with the flurry of his hands before passing through it, leaving her to wait for the lift.

XOX

Magnus hovered outside Raphael’s door a while before knocking on the hard wooden exterior. He’d dealt with the vampire as a Fledgling and teenager, which given he’d been both at the same time had been a nightmare, so he had some experience of the vampire’s various moods. Not that that meant he had learned how to handle them all of course.

“Lily, I told you I want to be alone.” Raphael called from the other side with less bark than he was expecting due to his voice sounding hoarse. Something that told Magnus that the mask he’d been wearing around the clan since Simon’s departure had finally shattered into a thousand pieces leaving behind the broken man who believe himself so unworthy of love time and again. The man Magnus always had to reassure even though after seeing him breaking down he wasn’t sure he’d be able to put him back together so easily this time.

“Raphael, it’s me.” He said, knocking on the door again as he bit at his lip cautiously.

Raphael had always become so defensive when he was hurting in the past, often reacting with things being thrown at him or him locking himself in his room for days at a time without a feed. He hated to even consider how he was going to react at Magnus’ presence this time. Still instead of shouting at him to leave through his door like he’d done many a time during his prepubescence he heard the sound of locks and the door opening to the sight of the vampire before him. 

His eyes were red rimmed and red around the irises, lips cracking from missing a few feeds, dressed in a pair of sweats and a tight t-shirt instead of all the designer suits that made him look put together as a clan leader should be. It was something the Warlock had never seen him in even at his worst when Magnus had saved him from walking into the sun, he wasn’t this bad. Stoic and defiant sure, but this was something else.

“If Lily called you…” Raphael’s voice cracked as his gaze looked hesitantly over his shoulder as though expecting his second in charge to be behind him ready to pounce.

“No, it’s just me. I wanted to come and check on you and your hand. Can I come in?” Magnus asked, pulling Raphael’s gaze back to his face.

Raphael licked his lips and nodded, taking a couple of steps back to let him pass. 

Magnus smiled at him reassuringly, though the smile froze on his face when he saw the state of what had been Raphael’s usually so pristine room.

The bedding was piled up in a nest in the middle with the pillow resting at the head, his desk covered in books he’d opened, trying to distract himself before giving up with the plot and the parts of the desk not filled with books were covered in untouched glasses of blood which was clotting due to the temperature of the room, the rough equivalent of what the other would normally drink over two nights. Meaning he’d stopped feeding as soon as Magnus had healed him and left to see to Simon. His entire wardrobe was scattered across the floor instead of hung up and organised so perfectly according to style or decade. And on top of that he looked like Simon only worse, maybe a week would be too long to wait before acting.

Still Raphael didn’t apologise for the mess like he would have otherwise done, closing the door behind the Warlock before sinking on to the edge of his bed with his hand outstretched to Magnus. It took a while for Magnus to remember his excuse that he’d used to come in though if Raphael noticed he didn’t say anything, his gaze out of focus on a suit on the floor that caused Magnus to follow the gaze. It was the suit Simon had worn to Alec’s disastrous wedding, yet now it was shredded to pieces, another act he was sure Raphael had done intentionally, not wanting the reminder of Simon wearing it in his closet.

“Seems to be healing well, though would do better if you were feeding.” Magnus said after making himself swallow and wrap his bejewelled hand around his friend’s wrist to steady him.

“I don’t feel hungry at the moment. _No empieces_.” Raphael warned before Magnus could start the spiel he’d always used when he was a Fledgling to get him to feed when he was in one of those ‘I’m a monster!’ moods. A spiel filled with the words essential and importance not that had ever made much of an impact even then.

“I wasn’t going to. I was just stating a fact that’s all.” Magnus shrugged, a few wisps of his magic entering the burn to slowly heal the scar that remained.

Raphael kept his gaze elsewhere until Magnus had finished and even then the Warlock sat beside him on the bed watching him carefully.

“ _Cariño_ , you know there is a simple fix to this whole situation, it’ll stop you from wasting away before my eyes and trust me no clan leader should let himself become weak like this. Especially out of self inflicted pain. You just need to speak to him, that’s it. Let him explain himself.” Magnus said gently, the implication of Simon without his name causing Raphael’s legs to be drawn up from the floor to be hugged to his chest with his arms wrapped around them and his face buried in his knees. 

The posture, one of self defence, protection and pain.

“Explain what?” Raphael murmured hoarsely, his long nails digging into the material hanging off his shins. “That he’s with _her_ , that he’s happy and I’m the stupid fool who pushed him there? Or that Camille is a better leader, a better everything? Why would I purposely inflict that on myself? “

“None of that is the least bit true, Raphael, and you know it deep down. He’s just as miserable believe me…” Magnus began but saw Raphael’s eyes close, emotionally shutting down even more, causing Magnus no end of pain and concern.

“Please leave, Magnus. I don’t want to hear you speaking in his defence when he hasn’t even bothered to come and try personally.” Raphael murmured wearily.

“You know he would if he had some assurance that he knew you’d listen and the clan wouldn’t try to rip him apart as soon as he was in the foyer.” Magnus said with a scowl.

“ _Mi viejo y querido amigo_ , please. No more.” Raphael croaked, causing Magnus to bite his lip but reluctantly nod, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead as he got up from the bed.

“I’m just worried about you Cariño. So are Lily and your clan. Don’t lock yourself and your heart away like this.” Magnus said softly, as he stepped over a few silk shirts and a pair of Prada shoes that had been Raphael’s pride and joy back when he first got them. Now the leather was battered and bent, scuffed with the action of being thrown to their current position in his path.

He didn’t hear Raphael reply as he opened the door but he knew he was so numb with pain that it seemed so much easier to stay enshrouded in it, surrounded by chaos than to try and keep up the mask of someone with all the answers, someone who was expected to be the clan leader. Magnus just hoped this wouldn’t last for both his and Simon’s sakes as he walked down the corridor to a waiting portal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No empieces. - Don't start  
> Mi viejo y querido amigo. - my dear old friend.


	11. If I'm lost then how can I find myself?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon learns the extent of Raphael's reaction to his betrayal and Magnus and Lily come up with a plan when enough is enough. But when Raphael learns the truth he doesn't stick around for long...

Simon woke the next night feeling wrung out like he often had after a night out on the town with alcohol back when he was a Mundane. Yet this time he knew it was more to do with the sense of numbness and emptiness from where Raphael’s bond had left a gaping wound and his mind reliving the parting words from the elder vampire, how the pain ripped through his chest as the bond was torn apart.

He laid staring at the ceiling hearing Magnus rattling around in his study, his footsteps pacing down the hall like a thud in the back of his already aching head. Was he sure he wasn’t actually hung over it was really too hard to tell. Still as much as he would prefer to just lay there and wallow in pity as he let his thoughts run in circles, he knew it wouldn’t do him much good. He pushed himself from under the covers and ran his fingers through his hair as he made himself leave the room.

The apartment was enshrouded in darkness, courtesy of the black out curtains that now covered the windows that covered the vast majority of the wall in the main room of the loft, the little light coming from the few lamps dotted around on side tables, the coffee table and a few in the odd empty bookshelf casting the most light. He made his way towards the kitchen for his first feed of the night when he heard Magnus talking to someone. He strained his hearing a little as he made his way around the kitchen for all the condiments he used to make his blood drinkable for his still Mundane taste buds.

“…tried to get him to open the door to deliver his first feed of the day but he’s locked the door and refuses to open it now. Definitely one step forward three steps back.” A female voice that sounded suspiciously like Lily said.

“He wasn’t even too keen on seeing me, but let’s just say you don’t really want to see the fall out in there. I’ve never known his room to be such a mess before. Still three nights without a drop of blood…” Magnus sighed, his voice tinged with worry and stress.

“We can survive without it for a certain amount of time Magnus, I mean look at Camille. She didn’t get a drop the whole time she was down in that basement to keep her sedated but she’s still around god forbid.” Lily said, her words obviously intending to be reassuring to the other and herself but sounding the complete opposite.

“But if he refuses to feed it’s almost like he’s giving up and we both know how hopeless he can get, the way he acted after Theo was more than enough to handle, but this. I’m really not sure he’s willing to get past this.” Magnus sighed, sounding concerned and uncertain.

“Hm, I’ll make sure someone keeps an eye on his door and if we still can’t get in we may end up requiring your services.” Lily said reluctantly.

“That’s perfectly fine, aside from wards around the institute, god forbid, the odd summoning and Clave or inter-Downworlder meetings I don’t have much going on. Besides Raphael is one of my oldest friends.” Magnus said, the sadness overruling the concern this time.

Simon stopped in his tracks, his fingers shaking around the glass jar of coffee grounds until they gave way with a crash of smashed glass at his bare feet. The knowledge that Raphael was starving himself feeling like a kick in the stomach, that his actions had affected him so hard. He managed to set the other things down on the counter as Magnus and Lily appeared with eyes widened at the mess.

“Baby are you OK?” Lily asked, as Magnus snapped the shards of what remained of the jar and the grounds themselves into the trash, his gaze rested on Simon.

“Better than Raphael from the sounds of it.” He croaked, Magnus and Lily meeting the other’s gaze.

“It’s rude to eavesdrop on a private conversation, Simon.” Magnus said, though the pain in Simon’s voice made it very clear he didn’t care about manners at that moment.

“You should have told me.” Simon said softly, though loud enough for both to still hear.

“Simon there’s nothing you can do right now. Leave it for us to worry about.” Lily soothed as Magnus moved to prepare Simon’s blood for him while he was distracted.

“But I’m the reason why he’s doing this!”

“You are a crack in a much bigger picture. Trust me he will come around, will even speak to you again, just leave it to us for the moment.” Magnus said, snapping a new bag of coffee grounds on to the counter to add to the shaker.

“Me and Simon are going to train a bit to take the edge off, Magnus, you have a room that we can use?” Lily asked before Simon could fall any deeper down the hole of blame. It was bad enough having to put up with Raphael, but she knew Simon would be just as bad.

“Of course, just between the bookshelves at the back is a space that should do, I usually use it for summonings so it should be big enough.” Magnus said, setting Simon’s blood down in front of him before turning to make himself a drink.

Lily dragged Simon towards the right room, her grip firm enough that the Fledgling knew there was no point in putting up a fight despite the fact he hasn’t feeling in the mood. Still it had been a few days since he’d been around another vampire so he knew he should make the most of it while he could.

“Now I never got trained by Stan or Raphael so I don’t know techniques they were teaching you, but I always found meditation and yoga helpful when I was a Fledgling, helping me regain my balance and my inner equilibrium.” Lily said stretching her arms above her shoulders once she let Simon go.

“What? You have to be kidding! I was barely co-ordinated enough to do half of what Raphael and Stan taught me let alone either of those.” Simon spluttered that went ignored by Lily.

“Trust me Baby, it helps you listen to your sense and regain your balance not just with your senses but with your vampiric side. You just need to follow my lead.” Lily said sinking on to the black wooden floor, arranging her limbs in a comfortable position with her legs crossed in front of her and her hands on her knees while stretching her neck side to side.

“I really don’t think this is my thing, Lily….” Simon objected merely watching her instead of sitting beside her.

“Baby, sit down. You don’t need to keep worrying about Raphael, Magnus and I have our ways with him…” Lily reassured her eyes drifting closed.

“Bet he wouldn’t be too happy if he learned you were still seeing me behind his back.” Simon sighed reluctantly sitting down.

“No, not at the moment but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, especially when he learns it’s for his own good in the grand scheme of things.” Lily said softly, her hands palm up on her knees.

“I doubt he’ll see it that way.” Simon sighed, crossing his legs but still not able to see the point.

“Simon, I’m trying to help you out when I could be fucking my boyfriend right now so hush.” Lily huffed, casting him a glare with one open eye.

“Yes Ma’am. Now I understand why you and Raphael get along so well.” Simon grumbled as he copied her stance.

“Don’t make me hit you, because I will hard enough to make sure it hurts. Now shut your eyes, zip your lip and put your hands properly on your knees.”

XOX

The rest of the week past with Lily appearing every second day or whenever she could get away from all the leader duties at the Dumort that seemed to be piling up with Raphael on a sabbatical in his room. She’d make sure to check on Simon and train with him though the Fledgling still wasn’t sure that yoga was his thing, meditation even less so when all he could think of was Raphael. Lily refused to tell him how the clan leader was doing though would always tell Magnus snippets between Simon feeding and changing into something more yoga friendly.

Still on a Sunday night, two weeks after Simon had left the Dumort, after training and Lily had joined him for a blood based Blood Orange Snowbird cocktail since Magnus had some business to attend to so he didn’t have to be alone. It was surprising, how even after everything that had happened, just how close he and Lily were becoming, still he knew he was lucky because of that fact too. To have one out of a clan that probably wanted to kill him was better than none.

“You want another or do you need to get back to Elliot at the Dumort?” Simon asked, gathering their respective glasses only to still at the hand Lily rested on his wrist when he was about to pass her.

“Sit down for a minute, Simon.”

Simon frowned but replaced their glasses on the coffee table and sat beside her on the white leather couch of the week.

“Me and Magnus were debating about whether or not to tell you before hand but knowing you the way I do you I know you’re going to need time to calm down before hand…” Lily said uneasily.

“Lily what is it?” Simon asked uncertainty.

“Magnus thinks we need to act, he’s invited Raphael over tomorrow night in the hopes of getting him to feed…” Lily began.

“And you want me to leave? Sure no problem.” Simon said, anything so Raphael would actually feed.

“No, the opposite. You need this chance to speak to him Simon, to tell him what he doesn’t want to hear. The real reason you helped your Shadowhunter, how things really are between you, maybe even how you really feel about him…” Lily said encouragingly.

“He won’t listen.” Simon sighed, knowing without a doubt the clan leader wasn’t going to appreciate more deception even if the reason was a perfectly good one.

“He’s hurting, Simon, because people always see him as expendable. A second choice, consolation prize they can have when their first choice doesn’t want them. All that kind of crap and he believed that you would never do that to him. That’s why he’s taking it so much harder on top of the betrayal than we expected. You need to make him listen, tell him even if he refuses to listen, repeat it as many times as you need to. Because he’s so insecure it’s becoming painful to both watch and to hear. So try, it’s all you can do. He may hate you and hate us for it, but it’s only his way of concealing his pain of confronting the truth.” Lily said resting a reassuring hand on top of his.

“I don’t know what good it’ll do, but it’s worth a shot. Are you going to be here too or…?” Simon asked, getting up with their glasses for a cocktail with something stronger than vodka.

“No, it’ll look too suspicious and I have Clan paperwork I need to get on top of. I honestly have no idea how Raphael manages. But just keep in mind what I said.” Lily said with a small smile.

All of which was easy to say of course, but it left Simon with a restless night trying to think of what he could say with enough conviction that Raphael would actually believe him. Because despite how sure Magnus and Lily seemed to be that he’d stick around and not run the moment he realised what the two had done Simon wasn’t so sure. No matter what words he tried to put together in his mind he knew they wouldn’t sound right, wouldn’t be convincing let alone believable enough for Raphael to listen. 

But once he saw the light diminish from sunset under his door he knew there was little likelihood of him being able to get anymore rest before the other appeared under false pretences. Simon made himself leave the room to have his first feed to see Magnus in the kitchen with a cocktail that merged from yellow to orange between the fingers of one hand while flicking through a cookery book with the other, a wistful smile on his lip.

“When’s he supposed to be coming over?” Simon asked once his first concoction of the day was poured into his glass causing Magnus to look up.

“Between eleven and one, Lily’s taking him to his clan meeting despite his protest. She’s agreed to text me once it’s over so I can open a portal for him here.” Magnus said, gaze following Simon’s figure as he huddled in an arm chair that had long since been claimed as his own.

“You think you’ll be able to get him to eat after…” Simon asked hesitantly trying to figure out how long it had been. He could only imagine the agony the elder vampire was going through having deprived himself for so long. 

“Fourteen nights? I’m certainly going to try or his dear mother, god rest her soul, would never forgive me. Still in case he refuses I’m thinking of making an old family favourite of his. I know he won’t be able to appreciate it like he used to, but at least he’ll have had something.” Magnus said setting his book aside.

“I don’t know if that is going to work, but at least you’ll have given it a try.” Simon sighed, gaze rested on his blood.

“You thought about what you’re going to say to him?” Magnus asked, tilting his head at the sight of the bags under the Fledgling’s eyes and tired expression.

“I’ve been thinking about it all day instead of sleeping but anything I come up with doesn’t seem enough, if he’ll even listen to me to begin with.” Simon yawned.

“Well, no matter how it sounds as long as it’s from the heart and what you say is the truth that’s the important part.” Magnus soothed, sipping his cocktail.

“If you’re sure.” Simon said, watching Magnus get up to check he had all the ingredients needed for the meal over his glass. 

Once he’d made sure to feed, done a bit of yoga from the video links that Lily had sent him he showered and changed. Only then did he let Magnus persuade him to help make Raphael’s meal, keeping his hands busy helping to keep his mind off what was to come and let the words he wanted to say try and arrange themselves under the surface of his thoughts. They were just checking the sauce when Magnus’s phone buzzed across the counter top, the Warlock moving towards it like a moth to a flame with a knife still between his bejewelled fingers.

“Was that Lily?” Simon asked, looking up from the oven where he’d been checking the meat was cooking.

“Yes, I’m just going to open a portal for them from the Dumort’s foyer. Keep an eye on that sauce so it doesn’t split.” Magnus said putting the knife down with his gaze still rested on his phone as he left the kitchen towards the entrance hall of the loft.

Simon kept his gaze determinedly on the sauce, hoping to ease his anxiety and worry with the task as he heard the whoosh of Magnus’ magic finally opening the portal. He heard a moment of silence before there was murmuring and then Magnus’ voice cut through whatever else was being said.

“Hey, Raphael,” Magnus said, his voice filled with less enthusiasm and energy as though afraid that it would overwhelm the other causing Simon to try and not fixate on how the Clan leader must have looked for the Warlock to treat him so gently.

But the silence that had taken over the apartment as Magnus closed up the portal was quickly disrupted by the sound of a rough voice rambling in fluent Spanish which was answered by Magnus with ease. The familiarity caused the Fledgling to frown, not that he hadn’t figured out that Magnus knew other languages, being around as long as he had it was probably a necessity, but for Raphael to only use Spanish was something else. When he’d been at the Dumort the elder had only ever used it when he was exasperated with his progress in training or angry at him. So to hear him using it alone did have him worried.

Soon footsteps moved from wherever Raphael had moved during their conversation towards the couch with a small sigh, Magnus appearing in the kitchen minus his phone making a b-line straight for the fridge for a blood bag. Looks like Plan A was still his first option then. Simon set the sauce to simmer on a low heat before reaching for a glass in the cupboard to his right which he set beside Magnus on the counter.

“Thanks, Simon. He told me he isn’t intending on staying too long, the clan meeting must have tired him out. So turn the sauce off and I think this might be your one shot at actually speaking to him before he barricades himself back in the Dumort.” Magnus said, squeezing the contents of the blood bag into the glass with a pinch of coffee grounds before offering it to Simon.

“You sure you want me to try now?” Simon asked, licking his lips uncertainly not moving to grab the glass.

“He may have only been speaking his mother tongue, but I can assure you it was only out of comfort instead of necessity. Please just give it a shot Simon, if this doesn’t work we can try something else when Lily’s managed to get some blood down him herself.” Magnus said, offering him the glass again.

“OK, I’ll try. But I’m warning you now don’t be in the least bit surprised if he doesn’t stick around.” Simon sighed, curling his fingers around the glass and reluctantly leaving the safety of the kitchen for the lounge.

Raphael was sat on the couch beside the window with his gaze on his lap, his clothing of choice not one of his many suits that Simon was so used to seeing him in, instead a pair of jeans and an overly large Henley shirt that he couldn’t even believe that the other actually possessed. It made him look imposing but younger than his many years, still as Simon got closer he could see the physical symptoms of someone who hadn’t fed staring back at him. 

Raphael’s lips were paler than normal and chapped painfully to the point that if he’d still been a Mundane Simon didn’t doubt for a second that they would have been bleeding, his fangs digging into the thoroughly abused skin. His eyes were darker than he was used to seeing, with red rimming the irises and sprouting off into a sea of veins making him look like he hadn’t slept anymore than he’d fed. But the thing that seemed to really show the strain was the sight of his hands shaking involuntarily on his thighs when before they had always been so steady and moved with purpose. The whole sight was enough to make Simon falter in his steps, more than certain that this wasn’t a good idea but he was there now and there was no getting out of it, he’d just have to pray for the best.

“Here’s your blood, Raphael.” He said quietly setting the glass on the coffee table. He hoped it was soft enough that the elder wouldn’t hear him but from the way his body stiffened, shaking hands aside, it was more than obvious that he’d heard.

“What are you doing here?” Raphael rasped, his voice sounding hoarse and barely used but he didn’t reach for the glass despite how obviously his body desperately craved it.

“I’ve been staying with Magnus since…” Simon couldn’t even make himself continue the sentence but Raphael’s trembling hands still clenched in his lap at the knowledge.

“Raphael, I need to speak to you. To try and explain…” Simon began falling silent when the clan leader shook his head and called out in Spanish which Simon knew was directed at Magnus who appeared to ignore him.

“The reason I helped, did what I did isn’t what you think. It’s nothing to do with Clary or Camille and everything to do with trying to help Jocelyn Fray who’s been like a second Mom to me. I knew it was wrong from the moment Clary brought it up, deep in my gut and the way my bond was practically making my head throb I knew nothing good would come of it. I thought maybe if we asked you and you said no that she’d give up…but she’s been my friend for so long that I couldn’t say no. Still when I saw what it did to you to see me helping them, to see you get injured, I couldn’t forgive them or myself. I should have just said no.” Simon tried, almost reaching out to touch Raphael who had obviously had enough by the way he pushed himself on to uneasy legs and yelled out again at Magnus.

Simon watched frozen as Raphael walked slowly towards the door, Magnus finally replying to him continuing to gesture between the untouched glass of blood and Simon which caused Raphael to glare at the Warlock and reply again with a tone that Simon had heard one too many times for his liking.

Magnus came from the kitchen in a vain attempt to intercept him before he got to the door, whispering to Raphael finally in English so Simon could hear, though Raphael’s answers remained in Spanish.

“You need to hear him out, Raphael, or you’ll regret it. No matter what he’s done regardless of the reason you both feel the same way. The only thing that’s stopping you is your pride _Cariño_.” Magnus said, resting a hand on Raphael’s shoulder.

“Mi orgullo y mi corazón no son la misma cosa. No me hagas esto otra vez, me he resignado a estar solo, es como debería estar.” Raphael said, his voice still raspy though he sounded worn out as if this was the last thing he’d wanted after an already busy day.

“But you don’t have to be alone!” Magnus said, gesturing to Simon who was stood rooted to the spot watching the interaction between the two.

“Si. Lo que sea que me salve de sentir esta agonía. Es lo mejor. Ahora déjame ir.” Raphael sighed, shrugging Magnus’ hand from his shoulder pointedly as he took another step towards the door with his hand outstretched.

“At least let me conjure you a portal…” Magnus sighed.

“No I don’t want anymore from you. For someone who claims to be my friend you really don’t seem to understand the meaning of the word. I need to clear my head alone from this mess.” The sound of Raphael’s broken English caused Simon to swallow as he watched Magus reluctantly open the loft’s door for him and watch Raphael leave.

Simon finally managed to move, sinking on to the couch once the door closed behind the elder vampire with a thud, staring at the untouched glass of the blood sat in front of him. Part of him had naively hoped this would help to fix things but the pain from the wound where his bond used to sit deep inside made him realise that wasn’t going to happen in a few weeks. Maybe not even a few months or years. Maybe he really was going to need all the decades he was given and with Raphael still refusing to feed it might be decades he didn’t have.

The couch sunk beside him as Magnus sat down, looking as worried as Simon felt if not more so.

“We will keep this up, Simon. No matter what he says, or how he acted I know he still wants you. It’s just his self defense mechanism to push people away in the hopes of keeping himself from getting hurt again.” Magnus soothed resting a reassuring hand on Simon’s arm.

“If we even have that long with him still refusing to feed.” Simon croaked, resting his chin on his hands.

“He’s a fighter as much as he is stubborn. I promise he isn’t going to do something stupid or stop existing just so he can show others how wrong they are. One way or another time is definitely on our side.” Magnus said, patting his arm before getting up with words of making a cocktail, leaving the Fledgling sitting there.

XOX

Raphael couldn’t believe he’d been stupid enough to accept Magnus’ out of the blue invitation, especially when he knew how hell bent the Warlock was on fixing him and Simon’s broken relationship, if it could even be labelled as such. But he’d grown weary over the days of just staying in the Dumort and had believed Magnus’ lies of reliving memories over cocktails that he would have still refused to drink. He’d vainly hoped that Magnus had finally accepted it, but to be confronted by Simon and to learn his friend’s loft had become his salvation made Magnus’ fixation all the clearer.

The Fledgling had looked miserable, but cautiously hopeful at being in his presence, especially when he’d began to tell him what he claimed to be the truth in an attempt to try and fix things. But what they had previously had was long since broken beyond repair from where he was standing now. There was no way to fix it, to recreate what had been building steadily between them when it had obviously been built on smoke and mirrors from the beginning.

He raked his fingers through his gel free curls as he walked down the block towards Pandemonium, letting out unnecessary breaths to try and help ease himself since he felt out of his element being out of the hotel alone but the air in his lungs helped his mind fixate on the Fledgling and how he’d long to see him for so long.

How he’d spent nights and sometimes days when he couldn’t sleep, just sitting or laying on his bed reliving their kiss over and over. The feeling of the Fledgling’s heated gazes on him when they’d been doing the ritual and the touches that had come so easily when they were training feeling like a burned brand into his skin that he’d never felt before and never would again. How he’d found himself wrecking his room out of frustration and misery because he hadn’t wanted the rest of the clan to see him so completely broken heart and soul. Not that it had made things any better, the pain slowly giving way to the numbness that was so much easier to handle.

He was passing the alley before the one that led down to Pandemonium’s entrance when he heard a voice softly croon his name that made him stop in his steps and his senses heighten even as the hair seemed to stick up on the back of his neck in a warning he knew he should listen to. He was at his most vulnerable and investigating something which he wasn’t able to defend himself against would only spell disaster but when he heard it again he swallowed and turned off from the main sidewalk down the alley.

He took a few steps down the badly lit alley, taking the odd glance around cautiously as his weary senses screened the immediate area for the source of the voice even though his gut instinct was that he wanted to get as far away from it as was possible on his uneasy limbs. 

“Raphael…” The voice crooned again deeper in the darkness causing him to frown as he looked over his shoulder at the sound of material swishing in the minimal night’s breeze. 

Yet when he turned back he met with the sight of a figure appearing from the shadows, the dim lighting accentuating her cheekbones and the smug look on her face. The dress she’d been wearing when in the coffin still on her form though ripped and torn and her heels clicking as she came towards him causing him to take a shaky step backwards as her name came from his lips like a breath.

“Camille?”

“Hello Pet, it’s been a while.” She grinned, moving quickly before he was able to react and whatever she was holding in her hand smacking him hard over the back of the head, leaving his body collapsing to the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Mi orgullo y mi corazón no son la misma cosa. No me hagas esto otra vez, me he resignado a estar solo, es como debería estar." - My pride and my heart aren’t the same thing. Don’t do this to me again, I’ve made my peace with being alone, it’s the way I should be.  
> Si. Lo que sea que me salve de sentir esta agonía. Es lo mejor. Ahora déjame ir. - Yes I do. Anything to save me from feeling this kind of agony again, it’s for the best. Now let me go .


	12. Yeah, you're the one that's going down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon discovers things that have been kept from him and with some Nephilim help goes to find the missing Raphael....and clean up a mess....

It had been a couple of nights since Raphael had walked out of Magnus’ loft after being ambushed with Simon’s unwanted presence. The Fledgling had spent most of his time hoping that the elder would come back to actually listen or even explain his side, why it was that he was so upset but there had been no sign of him. But what was more unusual was the lack of Lily’s presence the next night to ask what had happened like he had expected.

But that night he sat on the floor sipping his blood as he stretched his legs after his yoga session of the night he heard the main door to the loft bang open, causing him to frown as he got to his feet with his glass in his hand to follow the sound of the noise. When he entered the main room of the loft it was to the sight of Magnus making himself a larger than normal multi-coloured cocktail while Lily was pacing back and forth looking agitated.

“What’s going on? I thought you’d gone to Pandemonium?” Simon asked, grimacing at the amount of cognac going into Magnus’ cocktail.

“You haven’t told him?!” Lily demanded her tone filled with his disbelief at the Warlock who sighed as he added the orange liquor to his concoction.

“I didn’t want to worry him until we’d tried all possible options, but all things considered maybe now’s the time.” Magnus said reluctantly, gesturing to the Fledgling with a jerk of the head while his hands were still busy.

“I’m standing right here you know! Tell me what?” Simon asked, setting his glass and phone aside as he leaned against the kitchen counter looking between the pair.

“Raphael didn’t come back to the Dumort after he left you here. We’ve both looked at all his usual haunts, not that there’s that many, and checked in with his friends in case he decided on a spontaneous get away, but nothing. Then we tried to the Seelies, Werewolves and any other Warlocks in the city, but they haven’t seen any sign of him.” Lily said, raking her fingers through her hair as she continued to pace.

“Have you tried the Shadowhunters? They might have heard something…” Simon suggested watching Magnus and Lily exchange glances that didn’t go unnoticed by him. “What?”

“I didn’t want to worry you but with him missing it does seem strangely connected…” Lily began as Magnus finished making his cocktail.

“Tell me what?!” Simon demanded, a bad feeling growing in the pit of his stomach.

“The day you helped Biscuit and Isabelle break Camille out of the Dumort she tricked them into going to her penthouse on the Upper East Side to get the book. They got ambushed by Circle members and she managed to escape while they were distracted.” Magnus said reluctantly watching Simon’s eyes widen then narrow.

“Wait so you’re telling me, Camille is back on the streets and neither of you thought I needed to know?” Simon asked, rubbing his forehead as a headache began to build to match his bad feeling.

“There is a good chance that Camille could be behind Raphael’s disappearance…I mean she wasn’t exactly pleased when he overthrew her as leader of the clan.” Lily admitted, as Simon groaned. 

“Haven’t you tried tracking him through your bond with him?” Simon asked.

“I’ve tried, trust me that was the first thing I did, but the bond seems to have become strangely dormant. Like he’s cut it off from his side to prevent it being tracked without severing it.” Lily said uncertainly finally sinking down on the couch.

“And have you tried to track him?” Simon asked his voice becoming more and more frantic as he turned to Magnus who paused mid sip from where he’d sunk into an arm chair.

“Of course I have, but like with Lily’s bond something is blocking his location which, knowing Camille as well as I do, doesn’t exactly surprise me.” Magnus said uneasily, not exactly looking comfortable with having to admit that he couldn’t be much help no matter how much he wanted to be.

“Then how exactly are we supposed to find him? I can only imagine how she must be treating him?” Lily asked sounding just as worried as Simon was trying to think through their options.

“Wait, you say that Clary and Izzy went to Camille’s penthouse, right? Well, maybe we should ask them for the address so we can check it out?” Simon asked looking between the Warlock and vampire questioningly.

“It’s worth a shot.” Magnus agreed reluctantly, putting his glass aside and reaching for his phone, “I’ll text Alec and ask if he, Biscuit and Isabelle could come over.”

“How’s things at the Dumort holding up with Raphael’s absence then?” Simon asked Lily who was fidgeting with her rings uneasily at the fact they had to ask the Shadowhunters for help.

“I’ve been spending most of my time searching for Raphael with Magnus so Elliot and Stan have been holding the fort. Everyone’s understandably worried about him, but we’ve managed to stop any vigilantes going looking for him themselves.” Lily said, with the hint of a small smile as Magnus set his phone down and reached for his cocktail.

“Well, at least everything isn’t falling apart…” Simon said uneasily.

“Well, I am considering sending a fire message to Coralee Halefeather from the New Orleans Clan to come and overlook things depending on how long it takes to find him. I’m just hoping those Shadowhunters will be able to actually help us.” Lily sighed, both their gazes rested on Magnus who’d put his cocktail back down and was drawing a portal in the hallway’s entrance.

Both vampires got up to join the Warlock at the entrance, the other side opening to reveal the training room of the institute that Simon had been warned away from by Jace when he’d first visited. Only there was no sign of the blond cocky Shadowhunter, only Alec who was stood with Clary and Izzy, all three looking exhausted and their gear ripped like they’d just come back from a patrol.

Simon hadn’t seen either Clary or Izzy since that morning in the Dumort’s tunnel and couldn’t seem to make himself meet either of their gazes, keeping his eyes locked on Alec. Yet he could feel a kind of tension between Magnus and Alec by the way that Magnus’ smile was obviously forced and Alec kept opening his mouth like he wanted to explain his absence, but knew the explanation wasn’t going to be good enough until they were alone.

“What can we do for you?” Alec finally made himself ask when the silence became too much, his brown gaze still flicking the odd glance at Magnus out the corner of his eye.

“When were you going to tell me that Camille had managed to escape your custody exactly?” Simon made himself say, Alec frowning in confusion as he looked from the Fledgling to between his sister and Clary questioningly.

“I thought you were going to tell him.” Alec said as Izzy’s gaze moved to the floor and Clary looked the other way. 

“No, they didn’t, though maybe if they had we would have been able to stop Raphael from being taken.” Simon said, the two other Shadowhunters looking up at the mention of the Clan leader name.

“What about him?” Izzy asked, crossing her arms.

“He’s disappeared, though we believe it’s hardly a coincidence that he’s disappeared if she’s on the prowl again.” Lily said, the Shadowhunters faltering aside from Alec who was looking at her with the vibe of the Institute’s Head wanting to do whatever possible to fix tensions and the situation.

“How can we help?” the elder Lightwood asked.

“We’ve tried tracking him and can’t seem to find him, so maybe if you give us the address you have to Camille’s Upper East Side penthouse it might help us find him.” Magnus suggested quietly, his gaze fixated on his cocktail inside of the crowd in his loft.

“Of course, we’ll do whatever we can to help you find him.” Alec said before either Izzy or Clary could voice their objections.

“That won’t be necessary, if you just give us the address I’ll go handle her myself.” Simon said firmly, immediately causing the rest of the group’s eyes to rest on him in surprise before erupting in a cacophony of words.

“What?!” 

“No! You can’t do that!”

“I can’t allow you to do that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Oh believe me I’m sure. After how she treated me and god only knows what she’s been doing to Raphael since he joined her clan all those years ago I think this is as good a time as any to deal with her.” Simon said, his voice filled with determination.

“But alone? Who knows who else she could have recruited to protect her just in case.” Clary objected with a pleading look at Alec to say something.

“Biscuit is right, Simon. Trust me, you need some kind of back up just in case .” Magnus agreed.

“Then I’ll take you and Lily. Her bond with him might come in handy.” Simon said, not wanting to have the Shadowhunters involved anymore than they needed to be.

“I’d love to help Simon, but mine and Camille’s history makes me a liability since she know how to push my buttons.” Magnus grimaced.

“Then let us come.” Clary said, looking at Alec whose gaze was rested on Magnus in concern.

“Yeah, OK, I’ll stay here with Magnus to wait for you to bring him back. But you’re only there as a back up so you stay outside and don’t act unless absolutely necessary, go it?” Alec asked, flashing glares at both Izzy and Clary, the redhead nodding eagerly while Izzy rolled her eyes, but nodded.

“I’m surprised you even want to help considering the last time you saw Raphael he nearly got turned to ash.” Simon said, moving to the fridge to grab a blood bag.

“Simon, please.”

“We can talk about it later, I need to feed and change. I’ll be back soon.” Simon said, squeezing the blood pack between his fingers once the fridge was closed and weaving past the group in the direction of his room which he shut in case Clary decided to try and talk to him when they really didn’t have time.

He punctured the bag with a fang and downed it trying to ignore the taste of undiluted blood. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and threw the empty back aside before rummaging through the pile of clothes on the dresser Magnus had snapped for him. Thankfully he had managed to grab some of his clothes from home and Lily had grabbed his things from the Dumort behind Raphael’s back. He finally settled on the outfit he’d worn to help save Meliorn, hoping it would give off the pseudo calm vibe that he was sure he was definitely going to need to face Camille.

He went back into the loft to see Alec trying to speak to Magnus who didn’t seem to be too keen on the topic at hand while Lily, Izzy and Clary were eyeing each other up carefully, obviously not trusting the other.

“OK so change of plans, Alec is going with you.” Magnus said as Simon led the three women towards the door causing the party of four to pause just shy of the door.

“No, I should stay here so we can talk.” Alec objected.

“You’ll never forgive yourself should something happen to Isabelle and you aren’t there to cover her Alec. Just go, we can talk later once Raphael is safe and sound I promise.” Magnus soothed. 

Alec’s gaze met Magnus’ resignedly as he nodded and pressed a soft kiss intended for the Warlock’s lips to his cheek when Magnus moved his head away. Reluctantly Alec joined the group with Izzy’s hand on his arm as Simon opened the door for them and led the way out the loft with a sense of purpose.

XOX

The group soon arrived outside a townhouse in an Upper East Side neighbourhood that looked like any other amongst all the others on the block, but under the cover of darkness it made it easier for them to stand outside the building without looking suspicious to the neighbours. Alec kept taking the odd glance around them while Izzy and Clary scouted out around the boundary in case there was any Circle members hanging around before coming back.

“Can you sense where he is?” Simon asked in a low voice to Lily as Alec looked across the road to give the two vampires some privacy. The elder vampire bit her lip as she screwed her eyes closed on concentration trying to breach the block that was in place.

“What is she doing?” Clary asked alerting the rest of them to her presence as she and Izzy came back though the redhead immediately silenced at the look Simon cast her before looking back at Lily whose eyes opened.

“I can definitely sense him in the building but I can’t exactly pin point where. Still it might become clearer once we get inside.” Lily said to him as Alec and Izzy murmured amongst themselves before coming towards them.

“We’re going to cover the perimeter in case any circle members appear and Clary can go inside to cover you.” Alec said, as his bow and quiver appeared over his shoulder while Izzy’s whip began to unravel from around her wrist.

“OK, well, hopefully it should be pretty simple but if not I’ll make sure to send Lily out with Raphael once I’ve secured him so you can get him back to Magnus.” Simon said, his gaze off Clary who was already reaching for her seraph blade.

“Sure, no problem. I’ll make sure one of us has eyes on the back exit or the front in case they come out.” Alec agreed, gesturing for Izzy to follow him before Simon finally albeit reluctantly turned his gaze on to the redheaded Shadowhunter.

“Lead the way, make sure to keep close and leave us to handle Camille when we reach her.” Simon said, his voice filled with no space for arguing that had Clary biting her lip.

She looked uneasy as she led him and Lily towards the entrance that Camille had made them use before, they hadn’t exactly had the time to explore all of the building to see if there were other occupants or not the last time but just enough to take notes of the layout of her penthouse according to doors. Not that any of that would be much help in finding where Raphael was being kept or where Camille was. Still they reached the foyer that seemed eerily quiet void of much light, Clary gesturing to the elevator with her lit seraph blade that was now acting at her flashlight since she didn’t have the Night vision rune yet even if the vampires were used to the darkness.

“Lily?” Simon asked questioningly as they edged towards the elevator in case there was someone lurking around to ambush them.

“Upstairs definitely…but I still can’t figure out an exact location.” Lily whispered back, with her eyes closed before they flickered open.

“Clary, can you open the lift so we can hopefully avoid Camille being aware of our presence?” Simon asked as the redhead’s dimly lit blade hovered over the panel as she tried to remember the code Camille had used to no avail.

“Sure…no problem.” Clary murmured, wrangling her stele from her jacket pocket and drawing a complicated looking rune over the panel with the blade above it in her other hand. The rune soon began to fizzle through the metal of the panel short circuiting the electrics enough that the doors popped open, leaving Clary to replace her stele and follow the vampires into the lift.

“Which button?” Simon asked, his gaze rested on the large panel of buttons for all the floors of the building.

“I’m pretty sure it was this one...” Clary said, pressing one of the buttons, causing the doors to close in front of them and the lift to start it’s ascent up to the penthouse.

“Is it getting clearer?” Simon asked Lily, whose eyes were closed again feeling out for her leader’s presence while Clary watched the two unsurely.

“Little by little, still I’m getting the bad feeling he may have blocked the bond on purpose.” Lily sighed, biting her lip in the dimly lit space causing Simon to frown, unable to understand why Raphael would purposely do that.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“I mean you know how Camille likes to toy and play with people, you just don’t know the lengths that she goes to when it comes to teaching people a lesson or demonstrating her power. Some times she just inflicts pain for the hell of it. With all the bonds Raphael has to all the other clan members the first inclination of physical pain or distress from his side would be like a blaring beacon to everyone that we wouldn’t be able to ignore. He knows that if that happened we’d come looking for him.” Lily said her eyes open.

“Wait you mean to say you think he did it on purpose to _let_ Camille hurt him?” Simon asked, the mere thought causing his heart to break.

“Maybe. I mean maybe some part of him thinks he deserves it for whatever reason I don’t know. I’m just saying that we need to tread carefully because there’s no telling what we’re going to find when those doors open.” Lily said, pointing at the doors as the lift starting slowing as it reached the right floor.

The doors opened as soon the lift came to a complete stop, revealing a brightly lit hallway with hardwood floors and crimson walls which was sparsely furnished but the sound of groans of pain echoed around the otherwise quiet floor as they hesitantly left the safety of the enclosed four walls.

“Lily?” Simon asked again, taking a glance at her.

“A little clearer, definitely him because he’s trying to block my attempt to breach it. I can feel snippets though. He’s definitely in pain.” Lily grimaced, rubbing at her chest like it was a tangible pain flowing through her own body.

“It’s OK, Lily, we’ll get him out. You OK to come in with us or you just want to wait it out here?” Simon asked, offering her a pained smile of his own at the thought of Raphael hurting.

“I’ll come with, when you and Camille get into it we’re going to need someone Raphael trusts to get him out of here.” Lily said, her voice determined after taking a deep breath in the hopes of easing the reflection of pain through the bond.

Simon took a glance at Clary before starting to follow the pain sound of Raphael’s groans through the apartment, part of him worried about what he was going to find.

XOX

When Raphael woke the first time it had been to find himself restrained to a chair by chains around his wrists and ankles, his body manipulated in an uncomfortable position with his legs bent outwards and Camille sat on his thigh crooning over him as she sucked at a nasty wound on his jawline that quickly had him blacking out again. The second time he was woke to the feel of cold air and sharp nails scraping his skin as she ripped his Henley down the middle to get access to his chest leaving scratches down from his collarbone to his navel with some deeper than others that she licked the pricks of blood from.

This time it was more surreal than before, the previous times seeming like nightmares he couldn’t believe were real. He’d never been to Camille’s other address in the city before, unable to believe that she’d even really needed one when she had her place at the Dumort before everything went south. But just like her rooms at the Dumort it was impeccably styled with antique furniture strategically placed, the walls obscured by bookshelves filled with tomes, leather bound editions and antique pieces that were probably worth millions in today’s market.

“Well well, are you actually with me this time Pet? I didn’t think it would take so long to keep you conscious but from the looks of you you haven’t been feeding.” Camille tutted from behind him causing his body to stiffen.

“Camille, what are you doing?” He croaked, trying desperately to free himself but with little energy it was a hopeless task leaving him soon giving up.

“What am _I_ doing? Shouldn’t the question be what are you doing? Taking over _my_ clan like a pathetic excuse for a substitute and keeping me prisoner in my own basement! Honestly, how long had you been plotting and planning that exactly?” Camille reprimanded a long nailed little finger hooking the top of his ear to move his head so she could meet his gaze tauntingly.

“You’re honestly flattering yourself if you think all I did was plot your downfall since I became your second Camille. The clan were getting sick of your games and dictatorship. If you hadn’t drained Simon they would have eagerly come up with some other excuse to have a change in leadership.” Raphael murmured groggily.

“Ah, yes, my sweet Caramel I thought I could smell you and your bond all over him. I’m surprised you took him in considering he is just that, _mine_.” Camille purred as she nipped at his already scared shoulders through his shirt causing him to tense.

“He’s not yours, no more than Theo was…or I am.” Raphael ground out shakily, feeling her hands graze up the strip of bare skin on his chest, the touch causing his body to shudder with revulsion.

“Now I find that very hard to believe, I mean after all I guess Theo never told you about _us_ now did he? And Caramel well…how do you think I managed to drain him in the first place if things didn’t get physical huh?” Camille asked, leaning her cheek against his shoulder, a grin on her lips when he began to tug against his chains in vain. “Wow, touchy!”

“What is this all to prove?” Raphael sighed, tilting his head back to stretch the kink out of it willing to keep her talking as long as it kept what little blood there was in his body.

“That no matter what title you manage to get I will always be the _true_ clan leader. I will always get what I want, Raphael, no matter what it takes.” She smiled, pushing the piece of shirt off his left shoulder so it gathered at his chained wrist before pressing a kiss to the collection of scars she had left on his skin over the years. 

Raphael swallowed as he felt her fangs tracing patterns over the scars before she bit hard into the skin causing him to cry out in pain, no matter how much he’d tried to restrain the sound normally his filter was shattered to pieces and his self control all gone.

Her long nails raked down his chest hard over the scratches she had made before as he shifted in the chair useless trying to get her to stop amongst the onslaught of pain. No more words were exchanged between them as she continued her assault on his body, pushing his wrecked shirt down his right bound arm to give her more exposed skin to exploit. His head arched back against the edge of the chair as the pain flared through every nerve in his body, overruling the usual pleasure he would feel. His skin soon painted with red from each of his wounds leaving him feeling steadily lightheaded, the little blood that had been in his body since his last feed dribbling down the surface of his skin. 

He was thankful that he’d had the foresight to block his bond so the clan wouldn’t feel the affects of this torture the first time he’d woke, and while he knew it would hinder any possible rescue on top of whatever Camille had in place to prevent it part of him thought his demise right here would be easier than anything he could purposely inflict on himself. It was a relief amidst the lingering pain of the situation and betrayal of Simon.

The remainder of what had happened with the Fledgling seemed to be another stab in his already weeping heart, combined with the deep bite that Camille took next into his right rib. Her lips and fangs were painted with blood when she pulled back a smug grin on her lips when she met his gaze, her long nails ripping through his jeans to that the zipper down and his button open.

Camille had slid herself back between his spread legs and looked like she was going to undress him further to do something unpleasant when he felt Lily’s reassuring presence swimming in the back of his mind, trying to force past his self imposed barrier he’d put in place on her bond. Meanwhile Camille seemed blissfully ignorant until a familiar heart breaking but heavenly voice broke the moment.

“I think you want to step away from him now, Camille.” 

His vision was blurring around the edges but he followed Camille’s gaze to the doorway from the hallway to the room to see Simon and Lily with the stone faced redheaded Shadowhunter wielding a seraph blade between her fingers.

“Caramel, my, my. What a surprise.” Camille beamed, wiping stray blood from her lips with her fingers and smearing it on Raphael’s ripped jeans.

“Raphael, hey! Look me at me!” Simon’s voice called out to him, the clan leader’s gaze following the sound barely as the Fledgling’s worry made him want to reassure him.

“Raph!” Lily sounded just as worried as Simon and made a move to step towards him only to be stopped by Camille who blocked her path.

“Nuh uh where do you think you’re going, Lillian?” Camille asked, the sound of her full name from the other vampire causing Lily to shudder.

“He’s weak enough from not feeding but you’re still on the verge of completely draining him of what remains. He needs help.” Lily scowled.

“Pfft, Raphael needs help like he needs a hole in the head. If he’s been starving himself already he was already wasting away. Let me finish him off and I’ll be right with you, Caramel.” Camille said, fluttering her eyelashes at Simon whose gaze was fixated on Raphael.

“No, I want to check on Raphael and then deal with you. Clary, Lily, stay here.” Simon said, casting Camille a look almost daring her to contradict him. 

Camille took one glance at the way Clary was wielding her blade threateningly and sighed, “Fine,” before letting him pass.

Simon cast a glance at Clary with a jerk of the head to keep an eye on the other vampire which got a nod of recognition before he passed the threshold into the room. He soon knelt beside Raphael once he reached him, the other vampire’s chin rested on his chest with his eyes fluttering as he tried to keep himself awake, fighting the affects of his blood loss. 

“Raph, hey Raphael. Hey stay awake for me…” Simon murmured, resting a hand on his cheek and guiding his head back into a more comfortable position that had his blurry unfocused eyes rested on the Fledgling.

“Um…baby, how did you find me?” Raphael murmured, Simon pushing himself upright as he offered the elder an attempted reassuring smile. 

“Call it a lucky guess or some divine intervention, either works really. You just need to try and keep awake for me and we’ll get you out of here.” Simon said, shakily brushing his fingertips against Raphael’s skin savouring the touching as much as the elder.

“Simon, I…” Raphael murmured sleepily, his eyes fixated on the Fledgling he was sure he would never get to see again.

“Hey, shhhh we can worry about everything else when we get you back to Magnus’ OK? Just keep your eyes on me yeah…” Simon soothed, brushing his thumb reassuring against the elder’s bottom lip, the bottom lip he longed to taste again, “Just hang in there.”

“Lily, come here and help me make him more comfortable.” Simon said loud enough for Lily to hear, the other eyeing Camille carefully as she passed her before approaching him and Raphael.

“His injuries aren’t healing…shit.” Lily cursed, managing to redo his jeans and push the pieces of his shirt back up his arms so the material was draped over his chest though it was quickly turning darker in colour with the blood it was absorbing.

“That’s bad isn’t it?” Simon murmured under his breath as he shrugged his jacket off to hand to her before managing to snap the chains from Raphael’s wrists which had turned raw from his movements.

“Very. We need to try and get him back to Magnus as soon as possible.” Lily said, offering Raphael a small smile of attempted comfort as she put Simon’s jacket around his shoulders.

Simon snapped the chains from his ankles and Raphael sagged forwards in the chair now that the restraints keeping him up were gone, only just saved from collapsing to the floor by Lily and Simon steadying him.

“Whoa, easy there, Raphael.” Simon hushed, soothingly as Lily helped his limp body up from the chair on to unsteady legs that looked ready to buckle with her quickly guiding his arm around her neck while putting her arm around his waist to help him keep his balance.

“Take him towards the lift and wait for us yeah? I promise we won’t be too long.” Simon said, taking the odd glance at Camille as Lily offered him a worried smile but nodded softly, hushing Raphael’s noises of pain with every movement his abused body made as they crossed the room, passing Camille who watched dispassionately and Clary who bit her lip hard at the state the clan leader was in.

“Well I never thought you naïve or desperate enough to fall for him, Caramel, I was so sure you had much better taste but obviously I was mistaken.” Camille jeered, crossing one arm over her chest and picking at the nails of the other as she circled around him once the two other vampires were out of sight.

“Whatever it is that I feel for him isn’t your business, Camille, anymore than I am come to think of it. But if I were you I would give up on this ridiculously childish vendetta you seem to have in the hopes that you could ever become the Clan Leader again. Everyone loves and respects Raphael, the only thing they ever felt for you was fear and contempt. That is never conducive to a proper leader no matter what you believe.” Simon snarled, his fangs dropped from his gums and nails growing as she completed the circle giggling manically.

“Oh poor Caramel you actually believe that you have a clue about anything in our dark little world. You’re just a poor misguided Fledgling taken in by a pair of pretty eyes and fangs.” Camille smirked rolling her eyes.

Simon narrowed his eyes at her threateningly, his whole body stiffening as some part of the vampire inside him seemed to take hold by instinct at the mention of Raphael so crassly.

“ _Really_? You really think that you can take on someone who has a few hundred years on your Caramel, you really don’t have a hope.” Camille glared, stopping in front of him to flash her own fangs at him tauntingly.

“Simon, let’s just go.” Clary’s voice attempted to cut through his thoughts but he was more fixated on vindicating Raphael. On hurting the person who has caused unimaginable pain that pushed him to the brink even when she knew he was already weak.

“Stay out of this Shadowhunter!” Camille yelled, distracting Simon long enough to catch him off guard when she suddenly appeared in front of him and shoved him hard in the chest that he found his back colliding with one of the bookcases around the wall leaving a shower of books falling down around him. He was so fixated on trying to keep himself alert that he was surprised when he felt one of her arms pressing up against his throat, which if he were still a Mundane would be choking him making him relieved that he didn’t need to breath.

He tried to pry it off with one hand while trying in vain to kick her but always missing, it wasn’t until he managed to dig his nails hard into the skin of her forearm enough for her to hiss in pain. Her attention immediately turning to the injury out her own sense of vanity while he finally managed to connect his booted foot with her abdomen that had her flying across the room, skidding across the hardwood floor in the middle of the room. He quickly pushed himself away from the shelf and sped towards her before she could recover enough to get up. 

He sat above her with one of his hands wrapped around both her wrists to restrain her above her head while the other was wrapped around her own throat to direct her gaze to meet his, his grip tightening until her body was jerking in an attempt to shake him off.

“I know about what you did to Theo, how you abused both him and Raphael, how you probably killed Theo instead of letting him go and be happy with Raphael like they both deserved. Maybe that’s why you treat Raphael so poorly because he dared to get an attachment to something that you considered yours. But the joke’s on you, because regardless of all that crap he’s still twice the man you’ll ever be,” Simon hissed in her ear so Clary couldn’t hear, leaning out a bit so her gaze was locked with his. 

“I wish more than anything that he had been the one to turn me because I know without a doubt that he would have given me the choice instead of you. You who did it for your own needs with no consideration about the outcome for me. From where I’m standing you don’t deserve to share the same air let alone same planet as him.”

Silence filled the room as Simon tried to figure out what his next move was, he hadn’t been trained to kill anyone no matter how much he’d tried to ask Stan for advice in case he was in a position such as this, meaning he’d have to improvise. He eyed Clary’s glowing blade in thought before meeting his best friend’s gaze. “How do you feel about getting rid of a gigantic pain in the side once and for all?”

“Simon…” Clary said hoarsely looking torn but also scared since she had never seen this side of him before.

“…oh Caramel do you really want your beloved to get in trouble with the Clave for breaking those precious Accords…” Camille choked out breathlessly causing Simon’s grip on her neck to tighten.

“I wasn’t speaking to you, Camille,” Simon snarled, his gaze still rested on Clary who swallowed uneasily.

“You know she’s right, Simon. If there is any sign of me being behind the killing of a vampire there’s no telling what the Clave will do…” Clary said biting her lip.

“Then set your blade down, turn your back and you have deniability since it was me who used it not you.” Simon said, keeping one eye on Camille who was still trying to shift her body to get him off her causing his grip on her wrists to tighten even harder.

“I don’t even know if you’d be able to use it…” Clary said meekly looking from him to the blade and back again.

“Clary…” Simon sighed, “There’s no way in hell I’m letting her leave this room alive. So either let me use your blade or leave the room all together while I tear her to pieces.” 

The redhead licked her lips but sighed softly as she set the blade on the wooden floor and propelled it across the floor in his direction with the toe of her own boot. “You’ve got ten minutes, Simon. Whatever you need to do with it, do it quick.”

The Fledgling waited until her back was turned, her body language screaming of tension, as he moved his hand from Camille’s neck to curl his fingers around the blade’s hand from where it was settled a few inches away. The blade immediately lit up, glowing twice as brightly as it had when Clary had it in her hand while the blade itself doubled in size. After looking it over he held the edge of the blade to Camille’s throat and watched the elder vampire’s eyes widen at the fact he hadn’t been bluffing.

“This isn’t just for Raphael, this is for you draining me dry and tossing me aside like a piece of trash. Me being like this is your fault, just as much as it is Clary’s and I’ll never be able to forgive either of you for this.” Simon said, his voice eerily calm as the blade began to move teasingly back and forth against her neck.

Before she could speak let alone breathe a word he quickly dug the blade into her neck and swiped all the way through so hard that her head was decapitated from her body with puddles of blood covering the floor. It didn’t take long for her whole body to soon disintegrate into a pile of ash, with no sign that Camille had ever been there. He let out a long deep sigh as the magnitude of what he’d done just set in but there wasn’t a single ounce of regret as he set the blade back on the floor and propelled it back across the floor in Clary’s direction before getting to his feet.

He brushed the stray ash from his clothes, meeting Clary’s gaze when she finally turned around to pick up the dagger, her eyes flicking at the pile of ash before looking at him again like she was seeing him a new light.

“You sure you’ve done the right thing?” Clary asked, as she picked up the blade and slid it back into its sheath as he raked his shaking fingers through his hair.

“Trust me, all of us, not just the clan, will be so much better off without her around causing trouble and ruining relationships again.” Simon said, making his way towards her, “but this has to stay between us. No-one else needs to know.”

Clary nodded, an unspoken agreement falling in place over the two of then which seemed to help rebuild the bridges that had been shattered when she made him help Camille escape from the Dumort. Simon slid past her out the room towards where Lily was murmuring reassuringly into Raphael’s ear, the clan leader’s head rested against her shoulder and his eyes closed in a state of peace in his Second in Charge’s presence.

Once Lily spotted Simon with Clary behind him she obviously had a feeling as to what had transpired in the room but instead of asking him about it gently turned Raphael towards the open doors of the lift, “Come on, Raphael, let’s get you back to Magnus’.”

Simon’s gaze rested carefully on the clan leader who seemed to stumble every couple of footsteps until he slumped against the mirrored wall beside Lily as he and Clary followed, pressing the button for the foyer.

“You think you’ll ever be able to tell them?” Clary asked softly as the elevator made its descent, Lily’s attention solely rested on keeping Raphael upright.

“For the time being it’s best they don’t know, besides with the state Raphael’s in at the moment he should have time to heal and recover without worrying about all the politics and things.” Simon said gently, his gaze rested over her shoulder on Raphael’s unconscious form.

“You’re really worried about him aren’t you?” Clary asked, following his gaze before looking back at him with a small smile.

“Let’s put it this way, I won’t feel right again until he’s safe and back to his old state, cursing me in Spanish and dressed back in his suits.” Simon sighed as the doors to the elevator finally opened to the foyer.


	13. Your heart's a soft-skinned treasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus tries to heal Raphael as much as he can but soon Simon offers himself to Raphael to feed from...but with it comes some revelations that start to make a lot more sense about why Raphael acted the way he did....

Between Lily and Alec they managed to get Raphael to Magnus’ building with Izzy and Clary murmuring amongst themselves, probably about what the Lightwoods had had to face while they were inside but there was no glimpse at him from either of them so at least Clary had kept her word. 

But Simon was silently walking behind Lily, keeping a close eye on Raphael as much as possible which seemed to steadily be easing the wound that remained from his shattered bond, sewing it closed. Still he knew there was talk between him and Raphael that needed to be desperately had, not just about what had happened to Camille, which he was dreading more than anything, but also about the true nature of his feelings for the clan leader. There was no telling how Raphael was going to react to that bit of news he just prayed that if he was rejected it wasn’t too harshly.

Alec pressed the buzzer for Magnus’ building, the door opening in a swirl of blue magic to reveal a portal into Magnus’ loft, the Warlock who looked like he’d been pacing paling as they made their way inside.

“Put him on the couch I’ll grab a couple of blood bags to hopefully help his healing before I try to heal him myself.” Magnus said quickly bustling into the kitchen as Alec and Lily set Raphael down.

“I’m going to fire message Coralee, I highly doubt that Raphael will be in a position to be leader for a while even if he does get healed.” Lily sighed, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand, Magnus jerking his head in the direction of his study for her to use.

Izzy and Clary sunk onto the other couch while Alec stood over Raphael’s unconscious body, even as his gaze followed Magnus’ path around the loft as he gathered bits and pieces before settling beside Raphael.

“Simon, can you come help me?” Magnus asked from where he’d finally knelt down.

“Sure, what do you need?” Simon asked, sinking down to the floor beside him.

“I’m going to need to see the extent of the damage, could you help me remove his clothing?” Magnus asked causing Simon to swallow but nod.

He helped to ease his own jacket from off Raphael’s shoulders before setting it on the floor beside him before easing his arms out the sleeves of the blood scraps that remained of his shirt and setting them beside his jacket. 

Magnus had stopped moving beside him, looking frozen at the state of Raphael’s form, rambling something under his breath that sounded almost like a prayer. “

" _Ten en cuenta, oh Dios, a nuestro amigo que está enfermo, a quien encomendamos a tus misericordia. Consuélalo en su lecho, y alivia su sufrimiento. Te rogamos por su salvación y reconocemos que ninguna sanación es imposible para el Señor, si esa es su voluntad._  
Es por esto que rezamos para que bendigas a nuestro amigo con tu tierno cuidado, renueva sus fuerzas, y cura lo que le aflige en tu bendito nombre.  
Gracias, Señor."

The Warlock quickly made the sign of the cross from forehead to chest and shoulder to shoulder, his fingers igniting blue with his magic, before moving close enough to brush the abused skin.

“Magnus, what’s wrong?” Simon asked, as the Warlock sat back on his heels without a single wound being healed, looking over come with sorrow and pain.

“Some of these marks, these scars, are several years’ even decades old. I can’t believe he didn’t tell me the extent of what she was doing to him.” Magnus breathed, his voice thick with unshed tears.

“Magnus, come on. We need to help him, what do we do first?” Simon prompted, wilting a little at the sight of mascara tears flowing down the Warlock’s cheeks.

“Because he hasn’t fed in so long he needs to feed to at least heal the most recent of bites. But since he’s unconscious and I don’t have the equipment to inject the blood into his system he needs to feed from a vampire when he comes to.” Magnus said, clearing his throat as he wiped his tears away with the silky sleeve of his robe, smudging his already wrecked make up.

“I’ll do it. Once he comes around he can feed from me if that’s the only way to make him better.” Simon immediately volunteered.

“Are you sure? Given how long it’s been since his last feed there’s a chance he might suck you dry if he isn’t careful.” Lily’s voice came from behind them, not looking surprised at the state of Raphael’s body but no less upset than Magnus by the way her lips were down at the corners.

“I’m sure. I’m just going to feed to make sure it’ll be enough.” Simon said determinedly, gathering his bloody jacket and the remains off Raphael’s shirt as he got to his feet, throwing the wrecked shirt in the bin on the way to the fridge and the jacket over the back of the couch.

Lily took his spot beside Magnus while Alec had moved from his spot from the other side of the couch to murmur something in the Warlock’s ear that had him shaking his head and swallowing as he conjured a portal over his shoulder.

Alec looked torn between staying to make sure Magnus didn’t over do himself and going back to the institute even if Magnus had assured him he’d be fine. Not that it seemed any easier a decision to make as Izzy and Clary approached the glowing portal. He bit his lip and pressed a kiss to Magnus’ cheek after a few murmured words of departure before following the other’s lead, Simon meeting Clary’s gaze before the portal disappeared.

Simon downed his caffeinated blood concoction that he’d been making though he wasn’t the least bit hungry after seeing all the blood smeared over Raphael’s bare skin but it was a necessity he would have to deal with. But soon the sight of Magnus’ blue glowing hand rested in the middle of Raphael’s chest, his glamour dropping before his eyes closed as he tried to concentrate on healing some of the more extensive wounds.

The room was filled with a deadly kind of silent tension as they waited for Raphael to come around which was soon disturbed by the sound of low groans from the vampire on the couch causing the remaining occupants’ gaze to jump to him.

“Raphael…” Lily hushed as Simon left his perch at the kitchen counter to hover over the back of the couch to reassure himself that the other was alive. The clan leader’s eyes were bleary but open and his cracked lips parted as he looked around the room for a moment before settling on Magnus.

“ _Brillantito_?”

“ _Cariño_ , never in my whole life did I think I’d be so glad to hear you call me that.” Magnus laughed shakily, though he sounded strained and the blue of his magic which was usually dark seemed to be getting lighter as his remaining magic lessened. 

“Raphael, you need to feed OK? No arguments. Magnus needs his rest to build his magic up before he can completely heal you so I’m going to herd him to bed before he can argue.” Lily said, her voice all professional as she got to her feet and pulled Magnus’ hand from Raphael’s chest before yanking him to his feet, letting the Warlock lean on her as she helped him towards his room.

“I’m going to help you sit up so you don’t get covered in blood again…” Simon said, coming around the couch though Raphael seemed unwilling to let the Fledgling touch him as he pushed himself upright, letting out the odd hiss of pain when he moved a certain way. But soon he was leaning back into the couch, his head rested back against the back of the couch as he stared up at the ceiling.

“Raphael, please feed. If not for me then for yourself, for the clan.” Simon said softly, sitting down on the couch beside him with his gaze fixated on the clan leader’s profile.

“No.” Raphael said brokenly though he grimaced with pain enough that Simon knew he desperately needed it causing his unbeating heart to break a little at the sight.

“Raphael, there’s little to no blood in your body right now and what there was is weeping from your wounds which need to be healed. Please I am begging and pleading with you as the guy who loves you more than he loves himself, please feed.” Simon begged, taking Raphael’s hand in his own.

The Clan leader’s gaze moved from the ceiling to finally rest on the Fledgling’s face for the first time since they’d left Camille’s, his eyes seemed so empty and broken, but he swallowed as though those words that he just heard from Simon’s lips were the most beautiful things he’d ever heard for the first time. Still as if under some kind of understand Raphael pushed himself upright despite the groan that came from his lips, he opened his mouth to reveal his fangs gleaming as his eyes lingered with interest over Simon’s neck like a starving man.

“Thank you. I swear we can hash all this other stuff out later but for now let me just help you.” Simon said gently, guiding Raphael’s hand to his neck to position him however he wanted him as he tilted his head to him. He was surprised when Raphael’s hand instead grazed across his jawline before guiding his head to tilt to the right a look of certainty, purpose and hunger on his face.

“Raphael…what..?” Simon started only to feel a soft butterfly kiss graze his lips to silence him before his lips moved down Simon’s neck, his tongue drawing patterns against the skin softly as he indulged in the familiar taste of Simon’s essence on his dry taste buds.

Simon let out a shaky breath as his eyes fluttered closed at the affection, feeling like he was where he belonged and needed to be. That no force in heaven, earth or the Shadow World could tear him away from this spot if he had his say. 

Raphael’s lips parted against his neck, sucking at the skin as his fangs barely scraped the surface with all the familiarity of a lover who had done it so many times before. Finally his fangs scrapped the surface before sinking into the skin after much anticipation causing a groan of part relief and part pleasure to flow from Simon’s lips with a thrum of lust, affection and something more flowing through his blood stream that had his back arching and eyes flickering open with the craving to see Raphael feeding from him for the first time.

The sight that met his gaze almost had him groaning again; blood was painting Raphael’s alluring lips, his eyes closed in absolute bliss, his nails leaving red imprints in Simon’s bare neck possessively.

“Fuck, Raphael…” Simon breathed, the need to kiss the other and taste his own blood on his lips, to be so much closer than was physically possible to ever be with something let alone to never be parted from Raphael’s presence again all flowed through him in a litany of emotions he had never felt so strongly before and would probably never again.

Unlike with the initiation ritual Raphael didn’t seem to have a stopping point, his tongue wiping away stray blood from Simon’s neck, his teeth sinking in deeper and harder to access more. It didn’t take long for Simon to feel the tinge of light headedness that he was now more than acquainted with, leaving him whimpering in discomfort. A battle seemed to fight inside with the need to let Raphael consume every drop flowing inside him to make sure he was well and the need to ask him to stop.

But soon enough as if seeming to sense Simon’s battle like coming out of a trance Raphael’s teeth began to withdraw slowly, his tongue grazing against the marks left behind to heal them. Still he pressed a soft possessive kiss to the marks to remind Simon of who had made them not that Simon would ever be able to forget as his eyes finally opened back to their normal brown instead of red in a sea of veins. The elder pulled back a little, licking the remaining blood from his lips as he met Simon’s gaze.

“Baby…” he murmured gruffly, resting a hand on Simon’s cheek, his thumb brushing back and forth against his cheekbone softly.

“Oh thank god…” Simon breathed, seeming to overlook the fact he’d managed to say the word as he rested his forehead against Raphael’s.

“ _Gracias, amor mío_.” Raphael said softly, pressing another soft kiss to Simon’s lips, “But you probably need to feed again as much as I need more rest.”

“Yeah but you’ll still be here when I come back right?” Simon asked, a strange feeling of unease at the thought of being parted from Raphael taking hold.

“I’m not going anywhere right now baby, I promise.” Raphael assured, brushing his thumb against Simon’s bottom lip before sliding his hand free from Simon’s cheek.

Simon offered him a tentative unsure smile before pushing himself up on to shaking legs from the couch to make his way towards the kitchen, casting the odd glance at Raphael every couple of steps. The sound of the Fledgling rattling around in the kitchen seemed to be the noise that helped to lull the clan leader off to the first peaceful sleep he’d had in weeks with a smile on his lips.

XOX

Simon had had to down two pint glasses of blood before the lightheaded sensation had dissipated, and by then Raphael was deep in sleep, leaving him to watch over him, sitting on the couch arm beside the clan leader’s head. His gaze fixated on the way his eyelashes flickered in his sleep and how there was still the odd spot of his blood remaining on the elder’s parted lips that he hadn’t managed to catch with his tongue before he fell asleep. It was those things and more that made him so glad that he was there.

But at the same time he couldn’t stop himself from touching the fresh bite on the left side of his neck, some instinct deep inside screaming that there was an important significance behind it that he needed to be made aware of. The lingering sensation was so much more different compared to the clan bond but without Lily, Magnus or even Raphael to explain things to him it left him in the dark figuratively speaking. But it wasn’t just the bite itself it was the constant need to be close to the elder, physically if not mentally, that had him feeling uneasy since he’d never been the kind of guy that clung to one person to begin with no matter how he felt.

Thankfully Lily soon appeared from the direction of Magnus’ other guest rooms like she had decided to get some shut-eye after steering Magnus to his room. She was dressed in a pair of yoga pants and tank top that he’d never seen her wear before and her long black hair with neon blue highlights was up in a bun. She looked more at ease than when she had been frantically worrying about where Raphael was, but now that he was back in safe hands she felt like she could rest. God only knew how long she had been depriving herself of it.

“He did feed before he crashed right?” Lily asked gently as she moved to stand behind the couch, her hands on her hips as she looked him over.

“Very thoroughly without a doubt.” Simon murmured, rubbing at the bite on left side of his neck that had caught the other’s attention and caused her to frown as she moved towards him to pry his hand away. She let out a swift whistle at the sight of it before letting his hand drop from her grip.

“Wow…you really must have said something to make an impression on him if he actually let you talk him into feeding not to mention from that side…” Lily said tilting her head as she eyed the bite one last time before moving past him in the direction of the kitchen.

“What do you mean? I mean I know he always bit me on the right when we were doing the initiation but…” Simon frowned, staying put on the couch arm but watching her gather the right items for her feed.

“Yeah that’s right, it’s always the _right_ side. Because the left side is reserved for when we claim our mates. It’s a demonstration in possessiveness, trust and well more than obvious love. Not that I can honestly say I’m surprised he finally gave in, before this whole mess started you guys had the symptoms down to a tee.” Lily sighed, tearing her blood pack open with her teeth once she had a glass in front of her.

“What symptoms? Come on Lily you know I’m still a newbie to all this…” Simon said, trying to restrain the sense of panic flowing through him at the thought that Raphael was really his mate. The untouchable leader choosing him a worthless mistake of a Fledgling, what the hell?

“Oh do the math Baby. Remember after your disastrous kiss you told me you couldn’t stop thinking about him? How you kept craving the taste of your combined blood, how you felt like you’d lost something important but you just couldn’t place what and how part of you felt like it was missing? Those are all symptoms of Fledglings or even just a plain old vampire discovering the connection with their mate, though the craving of the other’s blood is always the alarm bell.” Lily said, emptying the blood pack into her glass and pausing to throw the packaging into the trash before looking up at him.

“So you’re honestly saying that Raphael is my mate? Why didn’t you tell me before instead of hiding behind Raphael forbidding you?!” Simon hissed as he tried not to wake the elder vampire sleeping on the couch.

“Because it wasn’t my place to explain since _he_ is your mate. He was in denial about it badly why else do you think he started avoiding you? Besides would you have really believed me before you killed Camille for what she did to him?” Lily asked raising an eyebrow as she raised her glass to her lips.

“You knew?!” Simon asked with wide disbelieving eyes. He’d hoped to avoid anyone in the clan knowing until he could explain himself to Raphael but now it seemed highly likely that wasn’t going to happen.

“Oh please Simon, of course I did. I unfortunately knew Camille well enough to know she wouldn’t willingly let us leave her penthouse without a few scathing words around a few attacking Circle members or taking a chunk out of someone by whatever means necessary. I can’t say I’m really that surprised though. If you hadn’t done it I don’t doubt that someone else from the clan who obviously doesn’t have Shadowhunter amnesty would have done once they found out what she did to Raphael and they would have been ash once the Clave found out.” Lily said, after a long mouthful of blood, leaning against the counter.

“So I won’t get into trouble?” Simon asked uncertainly.

“Like I said baby, you have Shadowhunter Amnesty because of the conditions of you being turned, not to mention in the eyes of the vampiric society you were defending your mate and protecting him from a future threat. Trust me you won’t be getting carted off to the silent brothers anytime soon. Not that you shouldn’t tell l your other half when he’s back to his old self though.” Lily grinned smugly with a wink as she toasted him with her glass.

“Other half? We haven’t even been on a date yet!” Simon swallowed uneasily, his gaze resting back on the sleeping form of Raphael unable to stop the sense of fondness and relief from flowing through his body.

“Well that bite obviously says otherwise. Still knowing Raphael for as long as I have I doubt he’s going to start turning up the pace just because of that one bite. He’ll still take things slowly and carefully when he’s ready and he knows you are too. Just keep in mind if you hurt him in anyway again he won’t survive that, and I mean that literally. A mate bond being severed isn’t like a clan bond it can actually kill…but if by some miracle you do survive I won’t let you be so lucky.” Lily said threateningly.

“Trust me that definitely won’t be happening again…and not just out of self preservation. After being away from him for long I can’t see myself being parted for him an hour let alone an immortal lifetime.” Simon said, his gaze lingering back on the clan leader with a wistful smile that he couldn’t seem to stop.

“Good to know. You wanting another feed before you get some sleep while I keep an eye on him?” Lily asked, setting her half finished glass on the counter before gathering all the ingredients for his feed.

“Er…” Simon looked conflicted but Lily could obviously understand the emotions flowing through him at being parted from Raphael by the smile that crossed her face.

“Baby, I know your worried about him but I promise I’ll make sure to wake you if he needs you though I doubt he’ll be going anywhere in a hurry. You should grab the sleep while you can get it.” Lily soothed, quickly mixing up a glass of his blood for him and offering it to him as the shaker clattered in the sink.

Simon let out a deep breath to steady the anxiety that flowed through him at being parted from Raphael but he trusted Lily enough to do as she said if anything happened. He took a glance at Raphael, leaning over to press a soft kiss to his lips and forehead before nodding at Lily as he slid off the couch. He took the glass that was offered to him and started to make his way towards his own room with one last backward glance at Raphael’s sleeping form over his shoulder before his door closed behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ten en cuenta, oh Dios, a nuestro amigo que está enfermo, a quien encomendamos a tus misericordia. Consuélalo en su lecho, y alivia su sufrimiento. Te rogamos por su salvación y reconocemos que ninguna sanación es imposible para el Señor, si esa es su voluntad.  
> Es por esto que rezamos para que bendigas a nuestro amigo con tu tierno cuidado, renueva sus fuerzas, y cura lo que le aflige en tu bendito nombre.  
> Gracias, Señor - Think, O God, of our friend who is ill, whom we now commend to Your compassionate regard.  
> Comfort him upon his sickbed, and ease his suffering. We beg for deliverance, and submit that no healing is too hard for the Lord, if it be His will.  
> We therefore pray that You bless our friend with Your loving care, renew his strength, and heal what ails him in Your loving name.  
> Thank You, Lord  
> Brillantito - glittery one  
> Gracias, amor mío - thank you my love


	14. Oh my love, the ocean's depths can't measure my love for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael gets reprimanded and confides in Magnus about where he and Simon stand. Him and Simon then speak about where they stand with the other tentatively...

It wasn’t long after Raphael woke that Magnus was healing him again now that his magic wasn’t dangerously depleted anymore. Not that it stopped the Warlock from giving the vampire a severe reprimand for not telling him about what Camille had been really doing to him all those years he was in the clan. It took a long time for him to reassure Magnus he had no intention of hiding something like that again which had the Warlock giving him the stink eye before he even started healing him. It took a long time for him to be healed, the fresh wounds the easiest though some of the scars had been excruciating to heal but there were a few scars that Magnus said he couldn’t heal because of the amount of time that had past since they’d been inflicted. Fortunately all those seemed to be on his shoulders and back so were easily hidden.

Lily had gone back to the Dumort once Raphael had woke after a message from Coralee to await her arrival via portal, though mostly to inform the southern clan leader about everything that needed to be taken care of that Lily had been overlooking in her search for Raphael. Well that and Lily also needed to feed the masses of the clan before there was a riot so it was a good thing Magnus had opened a portal for her before they all started to stir.

It left Raphael’s attention on Magnus who was fixated on making them some drinks to delay some awkward conversations while Simon, his _mate_ , was sleeping off his night up watching over him. Which he had only been made aware of by Lily before she left in a shimmer of purple energy before it disappeared. Still that said it didn’t stop Magnus from taking the odd concerned glance at him from the bar, like he was sure to Raphael was still abstaining.

“So you want to tell me why the hell you didn’t mention what Camille was really doing to you?” Magnus asked, as he brought over their drinks though the curse word immediately made Raphael flinch as in all his years of knowing the Warlock he only cursed, mildly at that, if he was angry or upset. From the look on his face it was definitely anger this time. Still Raphael focused on taking his drink from the Warlock once he was sat beside him on the lime green leather monstrosity that was Magnus’ couch of the week.

“Because I knew if I did that you’d immediately get involved which would not just make it worse because you know she’d do worse to get a rise out of you. But also _dios_ knows she would have used it as an opportunity to suck you back in when you were doing so well without her. It’s not like I couldn’t handle it.” Raphael said, gaze rested on his drink to avoid the incredulous look.

“Whether you can handle it or not isn’t the point Raphael! You being selfless as always just to try and save me from the fall out with Camille again isn’t a good enough excuse for you enduring her torture for the past few decades! You still should have said something!” Magnus huffed behind his cocktail.

Raphael said nothing hoping it would stop the topic at hand though he knew that wasn’t going to happen. Magnus had always considered him like an adopted son as much as a friend so he could understand why he was annoyed but with Camille elsewhere it wasn’t worth dwelling on anymore. Instead he fixated on taking a sip of his bloody cocktail, his head swimming with the amount of vodka despite the smallest possible sip.

“So have you and Simon finally worked things out or do I need to gather the others and perform an intervention?” Magnus finally asked, watching him carefully over his glass when the silence between them began to wear a little thin.

“Not yet. Although with him being so willing to let me feed from him not to mention helping to save me to begin with it’s only a matter of time. I doubt I’ll be able to keep away from him for too long.” Raphael replied, biting at his lower lip.

“What does that mean?” Magnus asked eyeing him suspiciously as he stirred the contents of his glass with a sparkly glass stirrer.

“It means I may have done something accidentally when I was starved and hurting…” Raphael said, shifting uneasily under the Warlock’s gaze as he finally set his glass down. The fumes from the amount of vodka were making his sensitive senses burn.

“Raphael, what did you do?” Magnus sighed wearily, licking the cocktail from the stirrer before setting it aside.

“I might have….may have…marked him as my mate.” Raphael murmured, feeling like a school boy that was destined to get another telling off.

He felt Magnus freeze beside him and knew the Warlock knew how important what he’d just admitted to was, especially in vampiric society. You didn’t just mark someone as your mate spontaneously because of the sensitivity of mate bonds. There had to be a good enough reason for you to mate with another, like symptoms that showed you were compatible, thankfully enough there had been with him and Simon, he’d just been trying to ignore them in the hopes that he could spare himself the pain of loving and losing someone again.

“You marked him? You claimed him as your mate? Did you even know he was your mate before you acted or…?” Magnus asked, watching him.

“Believe me it wasn’t just out of the blue. After the initiation I could feel it through the bond, not to mention all the symptoms that sprung up after out kiss. Besides once our bond was severed I have never experienced so much agony, heartbreak and hopelessness before from a severed bond. It should have been something I remedied sooner I’ll admit since it was part of the reason I kept my distance. I didn’t know how I would act let alone what he would say if I told him.” Raphael sighed, rubbing his eyes with his hands.

“It’s easier to live in denial than accept the truth.” Magnus murmured his voice filled with understanding as it was exactly what he had felt with Camille that immediately made Raphael feel bad at bringing up the reminder.

“Exactly. His betrayal hurt so much more because of our future as mates, regardless of us only having a clan bond I can only imagine how excruciating it would have been to break our mate bond after he sided with them.” Raphael said, trying not to dwell on those weeks he’d spent without a single connection to the Fledgling which had definitely been the worst of his undead life.

“Does he knew the importance behind what you did?” Magnus asked, though his voice screamed that he already knew the answer. When it came to them and what they could have or experience Raphael always put off telling Simon out of feared rejection as much as inevitable pain.

“Not from me. Unless Lily told him while I was out cold which wouldn’t surprise me knowing her. I’m just uncertain about where we go from here now that I’ve done the irreversible. I mean I don’t doubt for a second that his bond with the redhead whether platonic or not will always have the potential to test us let alone tear own bond apart again.” Raphael said truthfully watching Magnus frown in discomfort at the thought that Clary could rip them apart again.

“But you know he doesn’t want her Raphael. I never saw him so frantically looking for Biscuit as he was when he learned that you were gone. He did everything he could to find you and in the very end it was because of him that we did. If that doesn’t scream of love then I don’t know what does.” Magnus said in attempted reassurance.

“He may have said the words, but it could have been a knee jerk reaction. Until I know I can trust him again they mean nothing.” Raphael said hopelessly as he met Magnus’ gaze though the Warlock’s cat eyes were bright with a smile on his lips as he looked back at him.

“Wait…he told you he loves you?” Magnus beamed.

“Um hm.” Raphael sighed, knowing immediately that Magnus was going to use those three words to try and justify Simon’s feelings for him but it wasn’t that simple. Things between him and Simon were never going to be as simple as they used to be before this whole mess started.

“Then you have nothing to worry about. You know Simon never says things he doesn’t mean.” Magnus said.

“Only time will tell.” Raphael said, his weak senses picking up someone else around him before they both heard a voice from the hallway.

“I would do anything to make you believe me.” Simon’s voice came causing Magnus to look from his friend’s face to over his shoulder at the Fledgling who was hovering there while Raphael stubbornly kept his gaze on his glass.

“I thought you were supposed to be sleeping Simon? I mean I heard you had a long night…” Magus asked, as the Fledgling’s gaze rested determinedly on Raphael as he made his way into the lounge.

“I managed to grab a few hours but my instinct was dragging me to be closer to him.” Simon explained rubbing the left side of his neck pointedly.

“Your mate instincts kicking in once you knew he was awake, of course. Alright well you two obviously need to talk some things through in private. I’m going to work on something for a client I’ve been putting off. You know where I am if you need me.” Magnus smiled, picking up his glass as he got his feet but not without murmuring something to Raphael under his breath, “ _Dale una oportunidad, ninguno de los dos quiere ni merece el dolor de perder al otro otra vez._ ”

Raphael cast Magnus a glare of warning as Magnus cast him one last look before leaving the two to it as Simon walked softly into the lounge.

“Hey, you feeling any better now?” Simon asked tentatively as he hovered in front of the elder unsure whether or nor him sitting beside him would be a good idea.

“I’m getting there. A few more glasses of blood and a nights of sleep and I’ll be back in the Dumort to complete my recovery under Lily and Coralee’s watch.” Raphael said, gesturing with a hand for Simon to sit.

“Oh. Are you sure? I mean you shouldn’t be rushing your recovery if Coralee’s around to cover for you.” Simon said sitting down beside him with his gaze on Raphael even as he kept some space between them.

“Coralee has her own clan to take care of despite what Lily thinks. Besides I don’t doubt the rest of the clan will be more assured when I’m back under the Dumort’s roof than here.” Raphael sighed.

A silence fell over the two of them as they each tried to come up with what they could say next, something that wouldn’t be such a sensitive topic that could break the tentative peace before they could even get around to enjoy it. But soon Raphael’s hunger was bothering him again and reluctantly he reached for the overly alcoholic cocktail only to still when Simon rested a hand on his own.

“Lily told me that I’m your mate before Magnus mentioned it. That that was why you bit me on the left and why I was craving your blood...” Simon said simply as though expecting Raphael to deny it. Not that there was any point in denying what they both knew was the truth.

“Yes, that’s right…” Raphael agreed softly.

“Then why didn’t you tell me after I kissed you? I would have thought that would be the perfect time…maybe not in front of the other clan leaders but still….” Simon rambled, swallowing uneasily.

“Because I didn’t want to experience the inevitable fall out when you betrayed me for that Shadowhunter, which you did. Believe me tearing a mate’s bond in half is worse than a clan bond. Besides I didn’t know there was really any way that you could feel the same way until last night…and those three words you said.” Raphael said, meeting Simon’s gaze.

“From the whole time through the initiation I knew what I felt for you. Not what it meant exactly but I did know it was something more than anything I’d ever felt before with anyone else. That I would never feel that with anyone else but you. That’s why I kissed you that night because I wanted to know if it was worth approaching the subject with you.” Simon explained.

“Because your bond was calling out to me as it always does when mates have the same clan bonds. It’s a precursor before we have our own singular bond.” Raphael explained quietly.

“That hasn’t changed despite everything that has happened and if anything after the pure terror I experienced when I learned you were taken it only shows me how true what I feel for you is. You’re my mate, Raphael, and I love you more than the immortal life in my body. I will do everything in my power to show you how much and to regain your trust for all those decades and centuries that we have before us.” Simon promised, guiding Raphael’s hand up to his lips.

Raphael looked at his hand on his own with an uncertain smile on his lips, trying to process everything that had just been said and happened in the space of a few days. 

“But for that to happen it would maybe probably be best if I were able to join the clan again? Because as much as I love staying here with Magnus with this bond now I know that the distance between us will drive me crazy. I’d much rather be with you any day.” Simon said, rubbing his thumb over Raphael’s hand.

“I don’t know how the clan would feel about that so soon.” Raphael murmured though that was only half the truth. He knew the clan had grown attached to Simon and knowing that Simon had made him happy he’d heard several spiels from some members about getting him back or even revoking the kill order. But that was before they knew Simon was his mate of course.

“Well I mean there’s no rush, we still have a few days or so before you go back to the Dumort anyway. It’s just something to think about maybe…” Simon soothed, pressing a kiss to the back of his hand and nipping the skin with his fangs, watching the clan leader’s eyes flickering closed at the gesture with a small smile on his lips.

Silence took over them for a moment but it made the words that Raphael whispered seem to be so much louder than they were obviously intended to be, “Kiss me baby.” Acting like a kind of magnet to Simon’s body even if he wasn’t sure if it had been a figment of his imagination or not.

“Are you sure?” Simon asked softly, grazing the fingers of his free hand along Raphael’s jaw as he rested his forehead against the elder’s for the sense of closeness he craved deep in his bones.

“Just do it…. _please_ ….” Raphael breathed, his eyes opening and gaze resting pointedly on the Fledgling’s lips waiting for him to make the first move.

Simon licked his lips that seemed to burn at the attention Raphael was giving them, slowly closing the gap between them and pressing a soft open mouthed kiss to Raphael’s bottom lip that quickly became something deeper, harder and filled with the overwhelming emotion of want. Something that showed the other just how much their presence in their life let alone they themselves had been missed. The kiss that sealed all the wounds and eased all the ills under the surface, that reassured them they would do anything in their power to make sure they were never parted again.

Raphael let out an unneeded breath when their lips finally parted, his thumb brushing against Simon’s cheek wistfully as his eyes lingered over the Fledgling’s features as their foreheads stayed close. Feeling Simon’s gaze lingering over his own face like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time in years. 

“I have missed you, so much.” Raphael whispered, a small smile spreading over his lips which brought a bright one in reply over Simon’s.

“No more than I did, I can guarantee that…” Simon said softly, nudging Raphael’s forehead with his own.

“Still we do have the issue of a certain Shadowhunter to discuss while putting a dampener on this happiness.” Raphael said in a reluctant hushed tone as he watched Simon’s smile fall at the mention of Clary. At the reminder of what he’d done was the cause behind all of this.

“Raphael, me and Clary isn’t and never will be what you think it is. She’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember and sure I admit I may have had a crush on her in high school. But that was back then, those feelings have long since gone. They faded the moment I first saw your smile, heard you curse me in Spanish or the feel of your lips against my neck before you bit me. It’s no contest.” Simon reassured, lacing their fingers together and pressing a kiss to his knuckles.

“Friends don’t look at each other the way I saw you do back when you were a Mundane.” Raphael croaked causing Simon to sigh.

“It was one-sided and there was never any likelihood of it progressing since she set eyes on that blonde Shadowhunter. But you are not a consolation prize to me, Raphael, you are my world and the reason I’ve tried to understand what I am instead of just writing myself off as a monster.” Simon said, his lips brushing against Raphael’s hand with every word.

“And what is that? Because….why…?” Raphael asked, after swallowing to clear the doubt that seemed to be clogging the back of his throat.

“…because I love you.” Simon admitted freely, “I loved you then, I love you now and I’ll love you in however many years we have together. This doesn’t change anything.” 

Raphael smiled softly at him as he turned his hand over to guide Simon’s lips to his own, the words he wanted to echo back to him lingering on the tip of his tongue. He couldn’t make himself say them just yet because as he’d told Magnus there was still that trust that needed to be repaired between them and until then the words would stay frozen there. 

“I’m feeling kind of tired again and I don’t think _esta ridícula excusa de_ couch is doing me any favours.”

“Then come and sleep in the bed that is actually yours. We can share, and just sleep nothing else…I mean if you want that…” Simon stuttered, getting to his feet their hands still intertwined.

“That sounds perfect right now. Help me up?” Raphael yawned, offering Simon his other hand.

Simon nodded with a sweet smile, taking the hand and slowly easing his aching body up from the couch, quickly letting one hand go to encircle a steadying arm around his mate’s waist before starting to slowly lead him towards the hallway. Raphael’s gaze flicking up the Fledgling’s profile out the corner of his eye with a small smile on his lips as they inched closer to his room at a steady pace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dale una oportunidad, ninguno de los dos quiere ni merece el dolor de perder al otro otra vez. - give him a chance, neither of you want or deserve the pain of losing each other again
> 
> Esta ridícula excusa de - this ridiculous excuse of a


	15. 'Cause without you I don't exist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael and Simon finally complete their mate bond and Raphael manages to get Simon back into the clan....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter my beautiful readers! I have loved so much seeing all your comments and hearing how much you've loved this fic :) However, I have been getting comments about a few unresolved plot points and it has made me wonder if you guys would like me to write more in this verse? I had planned maybe to do a one off of Raph & Simon's first time together and a Malec side along piece but with those unresolved points...which will become all the clearer at the end of this chapter maybe there's a need for more?   
> If you think so or even have some ideas you think could work in this verse, or even random saphael prompts to help me procrastinate from my other big bangs....please comment and let me know...and maybe follow me on my tumblr :)  
> Again thanks so much for the love on this fic and I don't doubt I'll be writing more in this fandom...if not this verse at some point ;)

It took another couple of weeks of Raphael sharing a bed with Simon, his mate’s presence helping to heal the lingering heartache and pain from his injures while enveloping him in affection, though they had never gone any further than just sharing a bed, before he felt close enough to his old self to go back to the Dumort. Something that Simon was trying to dissuade him from.

“Are you sure you can’t stay just one more night?” Simon pouted pressing his body up against Raphael’s bare back, as he showered the elder’s scarred shoulders with kisses as his arms wrapped around the other’s bare waist since he’d just showered.

“ _Bebé_ , if you had your way I’d never go back period.” Raphael sighed affectionately, catching one of Simon’s hands with his own and bringing it up to his lips as their intertwined bodies moved together around the room.

“Can you honestly blame me? If you go back I won’t get to see as much of you until I’m allowed back to the Dumort and in the clan.” Simon sighed, grazing his nose against Raphael’s neck as the elder moved to grab the clothes Lily had brought him from his room the night before. He’d been wearing mostly Simon’s clothes the whole time he was staying but wanted to seem like his old self for appearances sake.

“You’re making it sound like it’s the end of the world and I have no intention of seeing you again. I swear I’ll speak to the Clan about you coming back, your change in status might help your case but for now you just have to hold out a bit longer.” Raphael soothed, resting his hand on Simon’s cheek to guide his gaze to his own and peck a reassuring kiss on his lips.

“Isn’t there anything you can do to speed things along instead of playing the clan leader card?” Simon asked, reluctantly sliding his arms from Raphael’s waist and sitting back on the bed to watch Raphael dress.

“Well there is something…” Raphael said thoughtfully, chewing at the corner of his lip as he slid on his Prada jeans under his towel.

“What is it? Whatever you can do to get me back do it!” Simon said eagerly causing Raphael to roll his eyes fondly as he slid the towel off and used it to try his hair deep in thought.

“It’s not something _I_ can do baby, the ball’s in your court on this one. According to Vampiric societal rules it’s against the law to ban a clan leader’s mate from being part of the clan in question, as long as there is insurmountable physical proof to demonstrate that their mated bond exists.” Raphael rambled, the sound of legal jargon in his voice causing Simon to let out a whimper of longing but he quashed it before the elder could notice, ignoring Simon’s gaze as it lingered longingly over his bare torso.

“So that means what exactly? What do I have to do?” Simon asked clearing his throat to keep his mind on track.

“It means, my dear baby, that I need a matching bite mark.” Raphael grinned, finally throwing the towel aside as he moved toward where Simon was sitting, sliding himself between Simon’s legs until he got the idea and parted them wider before curling his fingers through his belt loops to reel him in closer.

“Um….really? Well, why did you say so sooner?” Simon smiled, his thumbs grazing the bare skin of Raphael’s sides tauntingly as he curled his legs around Raphael’s waist and laid back on the bed pulling Raphael on top of him.

“Baby!” Raphael laughed with a smirk at the longing on Simon’s face, only just managing to rest his hands either side of Simon’s neck to support himself as he felt Simon’s lips grazing against the left side of his own neck with a possessiveness that caused chill to run up and down his spine that had nothing to do with the room’s temperature.  
Simon’s lips brushed up his jawline to meet his own, using the kiss as a distraction as he rolled them over so Raphael was soon laid beneath him. The Fledgling straddled him and pinning Raphael’s hands down to the bed by the wrist above his head with a sly smile on his lips as their gazes locked.

Raphael tilted his head to the side amongst their sheets baring the patch of skin to Simon’s attention, the Fledgling immediately surging towards it with sloppy open mouthed kisses and bites that had Raphael’s back arching into the mattress. A groan rung around the room from the elder as his hips writhed at the feel of Simon’s fangs tracing patterns against his skin as he tried to find the perfect spot. He soon seemed to settle right on the tendons that had Raphael breathless and his head swimming. He didn’t even have the chance to prepare himself before he felt Simon’s fangs piercing the skin hard, his eyes rolling into his head with the most intense sense of pleasure he had ever felt in his undead life. The feel of pleasure, need and want following through their now solidified bond taking him off guard at the overwhelming passion.

“Oh _carajo_ , Simon…” he croaked, his hands flexing uselessly in Simon’s grip as the Fledgling’s bite deepened harder, Simon’s tongue coating itself in Raphael’s blood like it was heaven for his taste buds after being deprived of the taste for so long. He felt Simon’s hips grinding up against his own as the arousal they were both feeling through the bond made it impossible for him to control anymore and Raphael’s to spike with a groan. 

But soon Simon pulled back, licking at the wounds until he pushed himself upright to meet Raphael’s gaze. His lips were painted red with blood, some of which was dribbling down his chin which Raphael craved to taste for himself, Simon’s eyes dilated with arousal and yet he looked like something out of Raphael’s dirtiest dreams. Simon’s hands finally released his wrists and Raphael’s immediately curled around his neck pulling him down into a filthy kiss tinged with the richness of his own blood that he quickly added to by nicking Simon’s lower lip with his fangs until the sweetness of his Fledgling’s blood was blended together so perfectly. It was like everything had finally fallen in place now that he knew Simon was really and truly his.

They were interrupted by the sound of knocking just as Simon was reaching for Raphael’s belt causing the younger to groan frustration into Raphael’s mouth and reluctantly push himself off so he was sitting amongst their covers beside him. 

“Yes?” Raphael called out, hoping he didn’t sound as breathless as he felt but knew it was definitely wrecked by the way Simon’s gaze lingered longingly on his lips as he reached for his shirt that had ended up on the floor at some point during their making out.

“You ready to come back, Raph? Coralee wanted to check on you and speak to you about a few things before sunrise.” Lily’s voice came from the other side of the door as Raphael reluctantly pulled his shirt on.

“Just about, wait for me in the lounge.” Raphael replied, pulling his shoes and socks towards him while Simon curled up in their sheets with muffled groans as he bent over.

“As long as you don’t get distracted by Simon and leave me waiting there for the next hour sure.” Lily quipped back before her high heeled footsteps clicked in the direction of the lounge on the hardwood floor, leaving Raphael to take a glance at Simon who was toying with the edge of the sheet to ease his arousal which Raphael could feel lessening through their bond as he offered him a small smile.

“I swear I’ll speak to the clan when I have the chance but I can safely say you’ll be allowed back within the next month OK?” Raphael soothed, pressing a kiss to his lips before he slid off the bed to check his hair wasn’t a mess.

“Fine, I can do a month. Just please text me and be careful.” Simon said reluctantly, watching as his mate walked towards the door once he was satisfied he didn’t look too debauched.

“I promise but that goes for you too. If I hear from Magnus you’re hurt I won’t be happy.” Raphael said, leaning against the doorframe, waiting until he got a nod of reassurance and soothing sensation of no lies from their bond before smiling at him. “Bye, Simon, I’ll see you soon.”

With that he reluctantly opened the door and left his mate leaning his head back against the wall behind him as he followed the other’s retreating form longingly.

XOX

It took longer than Raphael had thought to convince some members of the clan to let Simon back in. The vast majority were fine but some were still wary of his interactions and connection with Shadowhunters and the Werewolves even though he was Raphael’s mate. Even Coralee and Lily tried to talk through their worries only helped minutely but soon enough he was back at Magnus to pick his mate up and finally take him back via a portal the Warlock had conjured for him.

Him and Simon had been texting and calling each other daily since he’d gone back to the Dumort often in many cases falling asleep with their phones to their ears, though their bond often flared with neglect and sadness when their interactions were too far apart leaving him calling or texting Simon to soothe him. But in a bid to try and ease the separation he had taken over from Lily as Simon’s training partner again so he had an excuse to see his mate but Magnus would eye him knowingly every time he showed up, knowing that training was really the last thing on his mind. More the excuse to just be around Simon.

Raphael appeared in the loft’s lounge to see Magnus’ gaze on his phone, the case black and sparkly seeming to mirror the Warlock’s mood. He was curled up in one of his less elaborate robes amongst a ridiculously large collection of cushions with one he was hugging tightly to his chest with his free hand. The free floor between the portal and the back of the couch had a few of Simon’s bags already packed and ready to go back, he had a feeling that his mate had packed as soon as he’d heard he was allowed back.

“Things with you and the Nephilim OK?” Raphael asked, disturbing the silence causing Magnus to look up at the sound of his voice and offer a small weak smile that screamed how things were anything but alright where he and Alec were concerned.

“As much as they ever will be until his Parabatai returns. It’s OK, Raphael, don’t look so worried about me I’m used to it.” Magnus said setting his phone upside down on the mauve velvet corner couch beside his thigh and reach for his Santiago Daiquiri cocktail sat on the glass side table.

“But you shouldn’t have to be. I just wish you’d at least try to make him see how this is affecting you instead of letting him use you like this. Especially when he knows how you really feel about him.” Raphael frowned, hovering in front of his old friend because no way would he be caught dead on that couch.

“ _Cariño_ , I promise you, I’m fine. Worry about your Fledgling instead of me, speaking of which he’s probably waiting for you.” Magnus said, gesturing in the direction of the room he and Simon had shared.

“You know where I am if you ever need me Brillantito.” Raphael called over his shoulder as he walked down the hallway towards the room.

He knocked softly on the door, leaning against the door frame and was nearly bowled over by the weight of Simon wrapping him a tight hug with his long muscular arms wrapped around him as Simon’s lips caressed the mating bite on his neck.

“Well hello to you too _Mi amor_ , anyone would think you missed me.” Raphael murmured into his ear as his own arms wrapped around the Fledgling, pecking a kiss to his head.

“Missed is a ginormous understatement, I can’t wait to get back to the Dumort and believe me that’s a sentence I never thought I’d hear myself say. But it means I get to be close to you again…” Simon said, caressing the bite with his tongue before pulling back to meet him a deep kiss that had Raphael glad he was still rested against the door frame or he was sure he would have fallen over at the passion behind it.

“Um…I missed you too. You finished packing?” Raphael asked, looking over Simon’s shoulder into the now sparsely furnished room that was no longer cluttered with the other’s clothes and belongings leaving it bare.

“Yep, it’s all out there. I was just double checking there was nothing else I missed because I swear I couldn’t find my phone charger.” Simon sighed, letting go of the elder and instead lacing their fingers together before leading him down the hall on unsteady legs.

“Well, we’d better get moving then, Zeke and Stan moved everything from what used to be your room at the Dumort to mine so all we need is you ridiculous amount of luggage and _Tu hermosa persona_ of course.” Raphael smiled, pressing a kiss to their intertwined hands.

“Wow, I do love it when you compliment me in Spanish…” Simon flirted causing Raphael to grin but roll his eyes. Simon had decided to learn some phrases of the language as something to do while waiting to move back, it did send a thrill through Raphael that he knew what he was saying but also the sound of him using his mother tongue did things to him.

“Ven aquí…” Raphael purred, causing Simon to whistle as Raphael pulled him close by their hands.

“Um… _diablos, amor_ ,” Simon smiled, curling his arm around his neck and pulling him into a deep kiss as Raphael’s arms rested around his waist while he nipped and sucked his lips.

They soon pulled back to rest their foreheads together when they parted, Simon pecking a kiss to his lips before continuing to lead the way towards where his bags were. Magnus offered the pair a wistful smile from behind his cocktail that had the couple exchanging glances before Raphael moved towards the bags once their hands were parted and disappearing through the portal.

“Magnus, thank you so much for letting me stay. I don’t even want to think about where I’d end up if you’d sent me packing.” Simon said, sitting beside the Warlock who waved it off with a sparkly hand.

“You’ve nothing to thank me for, Simon, trust me. I’m just glad the two of you have sorted out your differences, I’ve never seen Raphael so happy.” Magnus smiled stirring his cocktail with his little finger.

“Are you sure you’re going to be OK alone though? I mean you and Alec…” Simon asked unsurely.

“Trust me I’ve lived alone more times than I have with anyone else. Besides it’ll do me some good to have that independence again.” Magnus assured.

“Still you know where we are. Just please don’t let things with Alec get to you, I’m sure everything will work out in the end. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, you just need to give it time and maybe take a step back from helping the institute. Just a suggestion but then he might realise how him asking you for magic but giving nothing back when you’re supposed to be dating is affecting you.” Simon reassured as Raphael reappeared through the portal minus his bags, watching his mate and friend out the corner of his eye as he went to grab the last ones.

“I wish I was as sure as you are.” Magnus shrugged, pulling Simon into a tight hug before letting him go and gesturing for him to go. “Go on, your prince charming awaits and trust me he hates to be kept waiting.”

Raphael rolled his eyes as he grabbed Simon’s last bag and threw it through the portal as he watched Simon murmur something final into Magnus’ ear before getting up with a smile.

“Come on _bebé_ , Lily and Coralee were hoping to see you before sunrise. We won’t get back there at this rate.” Raphael smiled, pressing a kiss to Simon’s head when he reached him, their fingers slid together.

“Um…I love it when you call me that.” Simon murmured, as Raphael backed him towards the portal.

“Trust me if you don’t get through that _maldito_ portal you’ll be hearing a whole lot more.” Raphael grinned.

“Promises, promises…” Simon winked, letting himself step back into the portal with his hands still in Raphael’s, the vampire taking a glance at Magnus who waved him off, before letting himself be pulled after his mate. 

The portal winked out of existence behind him.

_Fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bebé - baby  
> Carajo - fuck  
> Brillantito - glittery one  
> Mi amor - my love  
> Tu hermosa persona - your beautiful self  
> ven aquí - come here you  
> diablos, amor - Damn, my love  
> maldito - damned

**Author's Note:**

> My [tumblr.](http://redtintedhale.tumblr.com/)


End file.
